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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Back again
So he came back & apologised & I told him he needed to be off the dating site. At first he denied it was him but then deleted it. We had a good few weeks. I told hom this was his last shot with me.
He is in recovery since Jan 2017 at this stage. His meetings have just ended. Last night however I discovered a new profile, again full of lies making himself 8 years younger etc etc. It says he is actively seeking a relationship. It is obvious it is him. He has plans to come stay with me this weekend.
If he does not want me then why can't he just let me go? And stop coming back into my life when I am trying to heal? His new profile pic on the dating site says "Be with someone who makes you happy" Why can't that be me? Surely now that he is in recovery we should be enjoying our lives together? Do I tell him that I know about his new profile? He will deny it. He is probably keeping me handy until he finds someone else. Do I just delete him out of my life today without an explanation?
Very upset today but I know what has to be done
He is in recovery since Jan 2017 at this stage. His meetings have just ended. Last night however I discovered a new profile, again full of lies making himself 8 years younger etc etc. It says he is actively seeking a relationship. It is obvious it is him. He has plans to come stay with me this weekend.
If he does not want me then why can't he just let me go? And stop coming back into my life when I am trying to heal? His new profile pic on the dating site says "Be with someone who makes you happy" Why can't that be me? Surely now that he is in recovery we should be enjoying our lives together? Do I tell him that I know about his new profile? He will deny it. He is probably keeping me handy until he finds someone else. Do I just delete him out of my life today without an explanation?
Very upset today but I know what has to be done
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
He knew that this was a deal-breaker for you, but he did it anyway. So: deal broken, and he knows why. You don't need to explain.
Yes, he's keeping you around. But his tagline seems a little bit like it might be aimed toward you finding it and being hurt. He does not sound like someone who has your best interest at heart.
Yes, he's keeping you around. But his tagline seems a little bit like it might be aimed toward you finding it and being hurt. He does not sound like someone who has your best interest at heart.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs 
Yes, he's keeping you around. But his tagline seems a little bit like it might be aimed toward you finding it and being hurt. He does not sound like someone who has your best interest at heart.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Sadex.
Very sorry for your situation.
I think maybe you are the backup plan?
Honestly, what he is doing is both pitiful (8 years younger, please!) and despicable.
Asking gently: what is there to like about this double dealer?
Very sorry for your situation.
I think maybe you are the backup plan?
Honestly, what he is doing is both pitiful (8 years younger, please!) and despicable.
Asking gently: what is there to like about this double dealer?
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Thanks. It is a deal breaker but he probably thought he would get away with it again. Hence he sent me completely off topic messages. 4 of them which I have not responded to.
I honestly don't know what I see in him. I guess he has previous form for treating me very badly. Yes he is obviously preying on much younger women by trying to shave off 8 years off his age. I am already 7 years younger but probably too old for him. He has suddenly grown in height too.
Why even in recovery do they lie so much. I don't want to be anyones backup plan
I honestly don't know what I see in him. I guess he has previous form for treating me very badly. Yes he is obviously preying on much younger women by trying to shave off 8 years off his age. I am already 7 years younger but probably too old for him. He has suddenly grown in height too.
Why even in recovery do they lie so much. I don't want to be anyones backup plan
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
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Hi Sadex, I hope I won't sound harsh. I am not trying to be mean here, just some straight talk and food for thoughts
If you can't trust him, why can't you just let him go?
And stop letting him back into your life when YOU are trying to heal?
I like that site's slogan. Does he make YOU happy? Doesn't sounds like it to me, more like an emotional roller coaster of good highs followed by devastating lows. Why does HE have to be the key to YOUR happiness?
Maybe it's time to block him and go no contact?? Which also means no snooping to see if he is on a dating site.
He apologized and came back, denied then promised not to do it again then did it again...... at this point it's up to you to get off the crazy train.
Once again, just some observations and straight talk here. I am not trying to be hurtful.
Nothing changes if nothing changes and he is NOT going to change so guess who should be changing???
You are setting yourself up to be is "good enough for now girl" until he finds someone "better".
If you feel devastated now, just think about how horrible it will be when he dumps you for someone he feels is "better" after "all you have done for him"
If he does not want me then why can't he just let me go?
And stop coming back into my life when I am trying to heal?
"Be with someone who makes you happy" Why can't that be me?
Hence he sent me completely off topic messages. 4 of them which I have not responded to.
He apologized and came back, denied then promised not to do it again then did it again...... at this point it's up to you to get off the crazy train.
Once again, just some observations and straight talk here. I am not trying to be hurtful.
Nothing changes if nothing changes and he is NOT going to change so guess who should be changing???
You are setting yourself up to be is "good enough for now girl" until he finds someone "better".
If you feel devastated now, just think about how horrible it will be when he dumps you for someone he feels is "better" after "all you have done for him"
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Thanks for the replies everyone. No you are not being harsh at all.
I guess the reason I put up with it all is that I do love him and have invested 5 years in him. I know he is not going to change & suddenly become a decent person with morals even when he does meet someone better then me. Of course she will be better then me & she won't know about his addictions, mental health & previous convictions or the fact that he is 8 years older.
I know he is not going to change so I have to. Somehow somewhere I have to do it
I guess the reason I put up with it all is that I do love him and have invested 5 years in him. I know he is not going to change & suddenly become a decent person with morals even when he does meet someone better then me. Of course she will be better then me & she won't know about his addictions, mental health & previous convictions or the fact that he is 8 years older.
I know he is not going to change so I have to. Somehow somewhere I have to do it
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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She won't be better (that's why I had put better in quotation marks) just clueless about his true nature and in for a rude awakening.
Changes can be painful but you can do it!!!
Be kind to yourself, you deserve to be happy and be with someone who values you and treats you with respect
Changes can be painful but you can do it!!!
Be kind to yourself, you deserve to be happy and be with someone who values you and treats you with respect
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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I have to do it now. I think he probably knows that too judging by the messages he sent me. He actually wanted to come up this weekend too. What possessed him to make a new account I don't know. Yes I did snoop too because I have a right to know if the person I am having sex with is sleeping around.
Certainly the intention is there or why would he bother with yet another account. He also mentions that he is Loyal............ That he certainly is not.
Thanks everybody. It does help. I need to go no contact. The thoughts of deleting him from my life is killing me.
What if he does find someone else & treats her properly
Certainly the intention is there or why would he bother with yet another account. He also mentions that he is Loyal............ That he certainly is not.
Thanks everybody. It does help. I need to go no contact. The thoughts of deleting him from my life is killing me.
What if he does find someone else & treats her properly
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
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What if he does find someone else & treats her properly
Now question for you:
What if down the line you find someone else who treats you properly?
Wouldn't it be awesome? but you know very well it can't happen as long as you are emotionally entangled with that person who treats you like crap.
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Originally Posted by Carlotta
I doubt it will happen but if it does, good for her. You would not want someone else to hurt the way you are hurting right???
Now question for you:
What if down the line you find someone else who treats you properly?
Wouldn't it be awesome? but you know very well it can't happen as long as you are emotionally entangled with that person who treats you like crap.
Now question for you:
What if down the line you find someone else who treats you properly?
Wouldn't it be awesome? but you know very well it can't happen as long as you are emotionally entangled with that person who treats you like crap.
I dunno if I could ever get involved with anyone one else again even though I get asked on dates. I really like his family too and I will miss them. Thry knew I was a very positive influence in his life. They don't know about his dating site addiction.
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Location: W Washington
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What if he does find someone else & treats her properly
two thoughts:
1) FAT CHANCE
2) WHAT IF?
it doesn't matter what he may do 10 years from now, it matters how his actions affect YOU today. this is not a contest. this is not the who is more worthy olympics.
dude is a horndog.....he is on the prowl for women. it's what he does. he HAS used you. and.......you have allowed it. he has shown you over and over and over WHO he is and HOW he operates. so nothing he does should be a suprise, really, should it?
time to take your power back. free yourself of him. he can't be in your life unless you say YES. he's not some wizard.
two thoughts:
1) FAT CHANCE
2) WHAT IF?
it doesn't matter what he may do 10 years from now, it matters how his actions affect YOU today. this is not a contest. this is not the who is more worthy olympics.
dude is a horndog.....he is on the prowl for women. it's what he does. he HAS used you. and.......you have allowed it. he has shown you over and over and over WHO he is and HOW he operates. so nothing he does should be a suprise, really, should it?
time to take your power back. free yourself of him. he can't be in your life unless you say YES. he's not some wizard.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
You need to let him go.... you drew the line and he crossed it... if you do not enforce it, he will continue to walk all over you.
Stay strong. You are better off without him... as hard as that is to believe at this point, you will know it shortly.
Stay strong. You are better off without him... as hard as that is to believe at this point, you will know it shortly.
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I know. I need to let him go. I know I keep letting hom come back & use me. He has since changed several of the details on the profile. I guess in an effort to throw me off the scent. But I know. It hurts like hell that he thinks he can deceive me but it is so obvious it is him.
How the hell can he make plans to spend the weekend with me yet behind my back he is making a new profile.
Maybe I did not make it clear enough how much of a line I had drawn.
Very sadly I think he was a much nicer person when he was on drugs.
How the hell can he make plans to spend the weekend with me yet behind my back he is making a new profile.
Maybe I did not make it clear enough how much of a line I had drawn.
Very sadly I think he was a much nicer person when he was on drugs.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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you are still giving HIM all the power and control here.
might be a bit harsh, but he doesn't CARE what you want. he only cares what HE wants. he will say whatever he HAS to for you to still be a landing spot. same as how he changes what he says about himself on his profile.....WHATEVER IT TAKES. and don't think for one moment you are the only female he has on the hook..........
time to find that self-respect i know you have and get tough.
might be a bit harsh, but he doesn't CARE what you want. he only cares what HE wants. he will say whatever he HAS to for you to still be a landing spot. same as how he changes what he says about himself on his profile.....WHATEVER IT TAKES. and don't think for one moment you are the only female he has on the hook..........
time to find that self-respect i know you have and get tough.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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He has just messaged me asking "Why am I so quiet"
He knows full well why I am so quiet. I actually send him a message on his POF profile telling him I know it was him this morning.
So he knows why I am not responding to him. Yet he is pretending that he has no clue what is wrong. Making me feel like I am going mad. Yeah I could well be one of many. What I do know though is that I was at one stage the only one. His family thinks I am his girlfriend.
Thank you. I do appreciate the replies.
He knows full well why I am so quiet. I actually send him a message on his POF profile telling him I know it was him this morning.
So he knows why I am not responding to him. Yet he is pretending that he has no clue what is wrong. Making me feel like I am going mad. Yeah I could well be one of many. What I do know though is that I was at one stage the only one. His family thinks I am his girlfriend.
Thank you. I do appreciate the replies.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Maybe it's time to block him?
There are a lot of good free apps to do so both for androids and iphones. The drama will go on as long as you allow it to go on.
Why not call your BFF or another friend and schedule something fun for this week end like a movie or a visit to the museum or whatever?
There are a lot of good free apps to do so both for androids and iphones. The drama will go on as long as you allow it to go on.
Why not call your BFF or another friend and schedule something fun for this week end like a movie or a visit to the museum or whatever?
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Thanks. I have not answered any of his messages. He knows exactly why but he will deny having set up a new profile. He is very goid at making me feel like I am the one at fault.
I know I have to block/ remove him from my life. I know I would be dumped anyhow as soon as he finds another victim. I will cut ties in the next couple of days.
The pain is awful right now. I can't do anythjng nice, go out with friends etc as I have huge resonsibility with a child with very complex care needs.
I know I have to block/ remove him from my life. I know I would be dumped anyhow as soon as he finds another victim. I will cut ties in the next couple of days.
The pain is awful right now. I can't do anythjng nice, go out with friends etc as I have huge resonsibility with a child with very complex care needs.
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