GreenChair

This might be a little bit off topic, but it's the fallout I'm dealing with, due to someone's addiction and the crimes he committed. I hope it's allowed.

I wrote last week that our FORMER family friend who we'd allowed to stay with us had stolen from my checking account. Without going into all the details, it's become even worse. We had to be in contact the police again this week, and a detective has been in touch with me. I have to go see her on Monday, give a statement (on video, no less), which she will present to the prosecutor, which will enable him to get another warrant for F's arrest on this new charge. It's the only logical conclusion that all of this money and property was used to feed an active addiction (heroin/coke).

Here's the thing. This is giving me incredible anxiety. I've been reading up on the process online and am praying so hard that when he's arrested he takes a plea deal and I never have to see him. But he's already on probation for something unrelated to our family (2 years probation) and so I think he's going to try to fight this and say "not guilty" -- because if he takes a plea, no matter what a judge gives him as punishment for this fiasco, his probation will be violated for committing a new crime, and he'll have to serve those two years also. So he really has nothing to lose by playing this out.

He already has (I guess) "lesser" violations of probation because I know he's behind on paying his fines, and a letter came from probation to our house, which I just happened to hold up to a light before writing "NOT AT THIS ADDRESS" and putting it back in the mail. It's from the social worker he was supposed to see for a substance abuse evaluation that I know was mandated by his probation officer, but he blew off the appointment.

I have reason to suspect he might have left or is planning to leave the state. Leaving the state is yet another VOP, but he's out of control, obviously.

Has anyone been on "this side" of the courtroom? Any advice? I already suffer from anxiety and this is putting me into a full panic, thinking about Monday, never mind if I have to deal with court dates.

I know he's committed these crimes, he needs to be answerable, and really it's the best thing for HIM if he's away for a while, and the best thing for society, too, so that he can't prey on another victim.

When we first told him to leave our house, he sent me a text message after he left that I considered to be a threat (threatening to allege to the county that my son violated terms of probation). When I reported the stolen checks and told the police officer about that threat, he asked why I had not reported it right away (it took me a week or so from the time I dealt with the bank and received the threat until I was able to pull myself together enough to go file the police report). I told him I was just so upset that I could not cope with. He was understanding and said if I saw F anywhere near my house to call 911.

This whole thing is keeping me up at night, messing with my digestion, my heart is racing, etc. I'm also worried about my son, who believed this guy to be his friend, and who I know is beating himself up over what his "friend" did to us.
I'll take any and all advice.

Thank you!!

AnvilheadII

well, right now the only thing ahead of you is meeting the detective. there is no case pending, no court dates etc. so take it just one step at a time.

you did the right thing. we cannot allow others to commit crimes against us and just say oh well. when you meet with the detective you could ask about a victim's advocate. good luck!

ExMrsLopez

Anvil's advice is spot on! Go and talk to the detective and find out what is involved. Don't let your anxiety dictate your responsibility, to yourself or your community. Instead of imagining yourself overwhelmed, imagine yourself giving an accurate account of the incident. Go over it in your mind and see yourself as competent and able and you will be fine.