Hechosedrugs

My son was talking on the phone with AXH last week.

"Dad, I had my first baseball game!" He said.

"Oh, really? That's f***ed up, your mom should have told me. Well don't worry, Buddy, pretty soon you'll be living with me."

Cue angry texts.

"You're in violation of court order. You're supposed to keep me updated on all of our kids' events. Just you wait 'til all this comes out. Pretty soon the judge will see the truth and the tables will be turned."

Ugh. I hadn't realized I was still supposed to be inviting him to these things. I mean, if he has professional supervised visitation how in the heck is he supposed to attend? I posted on a legal forum and found out that, yes, I am basically in violation of the order. I was supposed to inform him, and he has a right to come (but he can't have any contact with the kids, and that includes greeting/waving, so wtf?).

So I send him an email with the dates and times of games, as well as other events like our son's spelling bee. On his next phone call he tells our son he'll be at the spelling bee. Doesn't show.

It's amazing to me that he's filing a restraining order against me, but sending all of these texts in which he's cussing me out. But the evil genius of it is that in almost every text he makes sure to say something like, "The judge will find out the truth", "The judge is smart, he'll figure this out"... etc.

I went to Department of Child Support Services and they'll be auditing him. We'll see where that goes. I wouldn't be surprised if he's got a bank account in my name and has been making withdrawals in my name. I'm so sick and tired of being framed by this man. I'll never have a normal life as long as he's a part of it. The kids won't, either. We deserve so much better. Praying for a miracle.

hopeful4

I have made sure that my XAH is given a schedule of anything he does not have access to. I also made sure he is on the school email list so they email him events, not me. I don't remind him. I give it once, and that is it.

Hang in there.

Gm0824

Oh HCD ... try not to be discouraged. Those "wait until ...." texts are difficult for me because I try to follow the rules. XAH knows this and uses it against me hoping for a reaction. I'll bet yours knows/does the same.

There is an app I was able to download that printed time/date stamped texts that the judge allowed to be admitted as evidence. Which led to:

The judge granted the use of a website for co-parenting website (although in my case there was no such thing as co-parenting rather parallel parenting until the last year or two he dropped out of the picture altogether). And yes, he's out of the picture now and has never even signed up for the website but once a month I login and update any medical bills, their school info, etc ... just so I am not in violation of the order.

So frustrating, you are doing great. Think of how many "chances" your x has been given in court, odds are in your favor that this won't be that major. If it actually comes up, I would say exactly what you wrote here. Might even go on to argue that you are concerned about the kids' welfare if he did attend without proven sobriety.

Hugs friend.

Seren

It does seem impossibly horrifying that your ex needs to be informed of all your children's activities, but that is his right. *sigh*

Anyway, someone in the F&FA forum was discussing their attorney in the divorce/child custody case, and described their attorney as a Vulcan. Calm, unflappable, logical. Perhaps channeling a little Vulcan might help you in dealing with the ex? Taking that stance with my stepson certainly helps!

I like the idea of having the school include your ex on the mailing list. That would eliminate your duties as the 'middle man'!

Hang in there!!