My addict demands me to respect his boundaries or else!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 48
My addict demands me to respect his boundaries or else!!
no contact at all. I must accept any crazy or harmful behavior without any questioning it . There are family members in the middle and some are enablers which makes things difficult. The addict is twisting something healthy like boundaries into his version ---far from ok thinking. In other words, the addict thinks if you don't respect my boundaries, it is your fault we have no contact at all. Anyone have any experience with anything like this?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Anyone have any experience with anything like this?
I think we all have, in one way or another. It's the "let me use and don't make waves or I shall blame you for everything and make your life miserable" train of thought.
The good news is..in a weird kind of way...he is already using...he is already blaming...and your life is already miserable, so there is really no wind in his sails.
Because they "say" something, doesn't mean it's true. More likely it is distorted, self-serving, and all about them and what "they" want, with no regard for anyone else.
It's called the crazy train, and sweetie, it may be time to check the next stop and prepare to exit. It ends when you say it ends.
Hugs out to you because I know this is painful.
I think we all have, in one way or another. It's the "let me use and don't make waves or I shall blame you for everything and make your life miserable" train of thought.
The good news is..in a weird kind of way...he is already using...he is already blaming...and your life is already miserable, so there is really no wind in his sails.
Because they "say" something, doesn't mean it's true. More likely it is distorted, self-serving, and all about them and what "they" want, with no regard for anyone else.
It's called the crazy train, and sweetie, it may be time to check the next stop and prepare to exit. It ends when you say it ends.
Hugs out to you because I know this is painful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
Addicts are allowed to have boundaries they set upon those around them also, we normies do not get to corner the market on that. However, you also have the right not to accept that boundary but will also have to accept the consequence of it. Sometimes those consequences are actually a benefit for you.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by needuall 
no contact at all. I must accept any crazy or harmful behavior without any questioning it . There are family members in the middle and some are enablers which makes things difficult. The addict is twisting something healthy like boundaries into his version ---far from ok thinking. In other words, the addict thinks if you don't respect my boundaries, it is your fault we have no contact at all. Anyone have any experience with anything like this?
Now...breathe. Step back. Clear your mind. What you've described above happens all the time. Only the names change when it does. The irony of situations like this is the addict does not respect boundaries at all, but expects others to respect theirs. Being six plus years clear of nonsense like this, allow me to be frank.
Screw that.
There is nothing that says you are obligated to tolerate the kind of nonsense you describe above. There is nothing that says you are obligated to have unhealthy people in your life. You have the right to make and live your own rules, and so long as you behavior is above board, and you behave in a way that's consistent with your morals and values, then any decisions you make regarding this person should be pretty straight forward.
Do what you have to do. And when you do, don't look back.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
Oh yes.
I'll bet if we took a poll of how many times anyone on this site has experienced this, there would be so much traffic on the site it would collapse under the weight.
In my experience, the addict is consciously or unconsciously thinking... - I want you to do everything for me while I do whatever I please, no matter how hurtful or destructive, and if you criticize me or set boundaries, then I'll accuse you of being controlling because we addicts know that you codependents can't stand to be criticized and then you'll think you've hurt me, feel guilty and go back to allowing me to manipulate you.
It's called the drama triangle and you can google it.
That is the crazy train.
Good Luck!
I'll bet if we took a poll of how many times anyone on this site has experienced this, there would be so much traffic on the site it would collapse under the weight.
In my experience, the addict is consciously or unconsciously thinking... - I want you to do everything for me while I do whatever I please, no matter how hurtful or destructive, and if you criticize me or set boundaries, then I'll accuse you of being controlling because we addicts know that you codependents can't stand to be criticized and then you'll think you've hurt me, feel guilty and go back to allowing me to manipulate you.
It's called the drama triangle and you can google it.
That is the crazy train.
Good Luck!
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