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Lonliness

Old 02-26-2018, 08:45 PM
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Lonliness

Does anyone else feel like being the spouse/parent/sibling/etc. of an addict is the lonlinest feeling in the world? Especially when they are your significant other and you have children. It makes me angry that I can never drop the ball, or have a break, because there is a little person depending on me to always be there and always make them feel safe. I will always be the best mother to my son that I can, but I canít help but feel so much lonliness and anger for being a single parent when the other parent is 10 feet away from you. Iím having a really hard night and difficult time dealing with this. Iím assuming all of you can relate to this pain. Can it get better? Or is the only way for it to get better by leaving that person? Itís confusing to feel like you are the perfect match with someone but they go back and forth from being the person you want and need.
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D122y (02-26-2018)
Old 02-26-2018, 09:50 PM
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Madi,

I relate and sympathize.

I was a drunk for so many years and I quit because I realized I would die if I didn't.

I didn't quit for my wife or my son. I quit for me. They say otherwise, there is resentment.

I believe you know the answer in your heart. There are folks here that will give you their opinion beside me.

If it bothers you enough, if you are suffering because of a drunk, you can change it. Dealing with a drunk or drugged person is dealing with a physically and mentally sick person.

If your addict is the bread winner, that could complicate things dramatically.

I was the bread winner. My wife would ignore me when i would over do it. I believe she figured I would end up drinking myself to death. I deserved it.

You are in a good place for advice.

Others will chime in soon.

Thanks.
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Old 02-27-2018, 06:13 AM
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One of the challenges of codependency for me was the loneliness that came from giving and never getting anything back.

After a while I discovered that the other person was not "withholding" love, affection, etc. But that they simply did not have it to give - to themselves much less to me.

So I found ways to get the love and care I needed to sustain me.

It's sort of like that song "looking for love in all the wrong places". There is love and companionship out there - we just have to look for where it is and not where it isn't.

that is not to say that the addict won't one day be able to love, but it takes time and a lot of work for that to happen.

May you find what you need on the way to what you want.
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Old 02-27-2018, 08:48 AM
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I have been there. My wife was an active addict and is not working thru her recovery. During her active phase, it was lonely in that she was emotionally detached, angry, and argumentative. During her recovery phase, she was physically absent from the family.

I was left to keep the family running, and it was damn tiring... but I setup routines, and started working on me. It is amazing how much free time you realize you have when you are not dealing with the other person's BS. It is tough to be lonely, and it is very tough to be lonely when in the presence of another. Start doing things for yourself, and you will not find it so lonely... at least that worked for me.
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Old 02-27-2018, 10:02 AM
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I can’t help but feel so much lonliness and anger for being a single parent when the other parent is 10 feet away from you.

It’s confusing to feel like you are the perfect match with someone but they go back and forth from being the person you want and need.
YOU may FEEL like the perfect match but feelings are not facts.

This is the life you choose when you choose to remain with an active addict. It is a very lonely life and gets lonelier as the disease progress's.
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HardLessons (02-27-2018)
Old 02-27-2018, 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Madisonv View Post
Does anyone else feel like being the spouse/parent/sibling/etc. of an addict is the lonlinest feeling in the world? Especially when they are your significant other and you have children. It makes me angry that I can never drop the ball, or have a break, because there is a little person depending on me to always be there and always make them feel safe. I will always be the best mother to my son that I can, but I canít help but feel so much lonliness and anger for being a single parent when the other parent is 10 feet away from you. Iím having a really hard night and difficult time dealing with this. Iím assuming all of you can relate to this pain. Can it get better? Or is the only way for it to get better by leaving that person? Itís confusing to feel like you are the perfect match with someone but they go back and forth from being the person you want and need.
I feel same way. My wife is heroine addict. She canít see my son unless supervised by Cps. Itís sucks. Itís hard to have a social life. I have to go through loops just to get some time to myself. Best thing to do is leave him and never look back. You donít want that life.
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