Some bad days still
 

So I haven't seen my ex in about 2 weeks. He called me a few days ago while he was extremely high and driving... yes, he is now driving while high and paranoid (he hallucinates, mind you). I got extremely mad and told him he's beyond selfish. Normally he would never drive while high, but I guess that's changed.

He's always angry the next morning after a rough high (which seems to be the usual now) and the next day he texted me saying that "just so you know; I didn't change for you cause you were never worth it. I treated my ex much better because she was worth it. That's why I offered to pay off her debt and took her out in NYC every weekend." I cried so hard. I know I can't put any meaning into ANYTHING he says.. but for some reason it just really got to me. He hasn't really been able to make me cry recently as I'm just numb and over it.. but that really stung.

I was so loyal to him. I stuck by him through his addiction and his struggles with hopes that it would be all worth it in the end. I called him every morning to make sure he was still alive only to be yelled at and hung up on. I'd come over with food just to have it sit there and go bad because he lied about being high and wasn't hungry for days. I actually stuck by him unlike everyone else in his life... And yet I got nothing. I never got taken out anywhere. I never even got a simple "thank you." I know I keep stewing on this but for some reason it just deeply hurts me. And I pick myself apart constantly. He never once told me he loved me. He actually said he doesn't love me and couldn't because I don't please him and I argue too much. "How could I love someone who just wants me to me miserable?" Is always his response. I guess me arguing and nagging was me wanting him to be miserable when I just wanted him to get better.

I feel so dumb. But I'm trying. Most days I'm actually okay. But sometimes, like today, I just feel terrible and break down.

Is he an ex or not? What you still trying to hold onto and why are you still allowing him access to verbally abuse you?

The stove is hot – don’t touch it -you'll get burned……………..the stove is hot-don’t touch it-you'll get burned.

No new contact = no new hurts

ditto

this guy clearly is not worth your time--you deserve better :grouphug:

This guy is a piece of crap. Nothing good about him. And you need to understand addicts lie and make stuff up ALL the time to manipulate, and hurt those that care for them. Don't believe this guy when he talks about how he loved his ex more. He's making that stuff up so he can hurt you emotionally. And it's worked. Cut this guy off completely, you do not deserve to be treated this way. It is damaging you! He has no respect for anybody no matter how good they may be to him. Do not beat yourself up over someone so cruel.

I’m going through same thing.... my wife has left me and my three year old son two months ago. She’s a heroine addict. I’ve been through so much emotions. How?!?! Why!?!? I’m coming to realize they are not worth our love. We are so much better then cow tailing to there needs. I’ve let go. I gave up on her. You need to do the same. Life has been better. Like you said you have good days and bad days but in time you will pull through. DO NOT give one more second of your life to him. Do not talk to him as much as you can. You will prevail because you are a living person. Focus on yourself. Do your best to block them out. When you have emotions of him have certain sayings or routines that can help you take your mind off him. I have bible verses and another thing I call dog vomit. I know it sounds disgusting but dogs eat there own vomit. Think of yourself as the dog and the vomit as your realationship. You really want to eat that!?!? No you don’t!