Madlovelily81

Hello everyone,

I just found out that my husband and life partner of 9yrs, cheated on me.
My husband been sober and in treatment for 6m.
In Sept 7 2017 he hit rock bottom, and that's when my life took a turn for the worst. He told me that he had cheated on me 2 weeks after we got married. then I asked him if he had cheated on me with anybody that I know? He said "Yes"! I felt like a tone of bricks, hit me in my stomach, I coudnt breath, I felt betrayed, hurt, stupid, mad. everything I knew of him and the life I was living was a lie.
It was with my Best friend of 10+ years. It happen while I was in the hospital having our son. That's something I can't forgive him nor forget. just knowing that he cheated with her and she would come over and both of them would act like nothing makes me even more mad. come to find out that everytime he would be on his runs addition ( Meth) he would cheat on me. I asked him why? at first was cuz he was on drugs, then it was cuz I wanted too. ********! you have a choice. the other woman where prostitutes and unprotected sex as that. Everytime he would co me back from his run which usually are about 3-4 days, he comes back acussing me of cheating, that he would see me coming out of hotels, cars ect.

Spence7471

So sorry to hear this... betrayal is a deeply cutting thing and tough to come back from. Just know there are people here that will be able to provide you with excellent advice... Hope you are taking care of yourself for the time being....

Madlovelily81

Honesty that's what I need is some guidance, advice.

Spence7471

First thing i would do is schedule a Dr. appointment to get yourself a clean bill of health. While my wife was not cheating on me (as she has told me and the therapists), she was using needles... so blood related diseases was a high concern for me. The rehab facility ran blood work on her and confirmed no issues. So I have not made it a priority for me to get checked. But i will have a blood screen done next time I go in.

Next, make sure you are getting help for yourself. Bad decisions are often made when we are unhealthy or stressed. Only once you have a grip on yourself can you make sane decisions. Consult a therapist and/or support groups such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. Many people have been in your shoes and as such will have better advice as to how to move forward and heal.

Finally, you need to seriously think about where you want your relationship to go from here on out. Once that decision is made, then you can act accordingly.

dawnrun

I'm sorry you have to go through this. From experience I know the pain it causes because rah did the same to me.

The first thing i did was get checked for stds. Not nice but very necessary. I got to alanon and got an excellent therapist straight after also reading the language of letting go and codependant no more helped alot.
Hugs X

HardLessons

Hi ML Lilly

First let me say I am sorry for your situation.

You said above your husband is now sober & getting treatment for the past 6 months. Is he living in the house with you or at a treatment facility?

Also what is it that you want to do ?

Thanks

teatreeoil007

Sorry for your pain lily. That is so hard to discover this type of betrayal. Sending you a huge hug and lots of support.

Madlovelily81

his living at the house. his working his steps with his sponser. I'm the type of person who wants to know everything so I can process, deal with it, go threw the emotions and let go and forgive. I don't like it when he just gives me a little and then later he gives me more. it's like pouring salt on my wounds.

Madlovelily81

oh! yes thats the first thing I made him do. is that a book? I'm gonna look for it. thank you

AnvilheadII

curious why you would want to forgive him? serial cheating throughout your marriage with multiple partners...........what more do you really need to know?

Madlovelily81

same question I ask myself ads well. but honestly that's the addict. besides we have a special needs child with Down syndrome which needs both of us. but the main reason is I LOVE HIM...

Madlovelily81

Thank you... I will do that...

Rpb1993

Wow, you are a rare breed willing to stay with him after all of that. Hope he is aware of that, nd i hope he continues treatment so he won't go back to meth. Meth is just plain awful and totally destroys a person once addicted. Keep in mind, you are dealing with someone who may or may not ever be able to fully give you what you and your child deserve... It's up to him and only him to change

Madlovelily81

Breed?

AnvilheadII

it's a turn of phrase.....it means you are in a rare group......

def: a person or thing with characteristics that are uncommon among their kind; a rarity.

Madlovelily81

yeah, I understand it just sounded weird.

Madlovelily81

you are right! I also hope he stays in treatment. I'm in a confused state of mind. I've looked on line, books, asked questions in how to handle this and yet I'm even more confused. I guess I just need to take it one day at a time.

atalose

Maybe while he is in treatment you should seek some help as well. Counseling, therapy, something to help you navigate the overwhelming tides of emotions.