First Day Blues
 

I grew up with two alcoholic grandfathers and a father who had other addiction problems. I was married for 25 years to a man who drank heavily and was extremely controlling. I divorced him 10 years ago, but since then have had 3 alcoholic boyfriends. I just said goodbye to the last one.

I need to move forward to a healthier me. I am in alanon and counseling. What else can I do to create a new future for myself that does not involve me getting emotionally tangled up with more alcoholic men?

Grateful for any experience and advice you can share.

Hello and welcome!

You are taking the most important steps. Alanon and Therapy. Make sure you are being 100% open and transparent in therapy so you can recognize and avoid old patterns.

I have taken a hard stance myself. I don't date anyone who drinks, at all. Nor would I date anyone in recovery. It sounds harsh, but I would rather be alone than risk going down that road again. That is a personal choice for everyone, and not everyone will agree with me.

Keep working on YOU!!!

Stop meeting men at bars... :headbange

I have made the decision to stay single and just work on myself. Once you get to a place where you are truly stable within yourself and decide exactly what you want in a partner and what you will no longer accept in a partner it will be much easier to pick the type of man that you deserve and that will be a positive addition in your life. :)

. Thank you I think you are right. I need to draw tighter boundaries. This is my first post here so I guess that makes you my first new friend!

Yep!!

I agree. My counselor says that too. Longest I’ve waited before is 3 months.

A bunch of good advice - I would add that there is a reason that many successful with sobriety say that staying single for the first year or so has helped immensely.

You need to concentrate on YOU. Period (unless you have kids you are responsible for). One close friend points out that it took you a lot of years destroying yourself; fixing is not going to be an overnight thing.