Cubs91

I need help. Let me start by saying I have never posted to an online forum before other than Facebook but I didn't know where else to turn. I'm 26 and my husband is 29 we have been together for 3 years married for 2 and we have a beautiful 18 mo old daughter together. I first learned of my husbands drug addiction when he seized in our locked bathroom when I was 8 months pregnant. We rushed him to the ER and that was when my water broke, due to stress obviously. He later told me he had taken 20 Tramadol pills a day for days. I was completely shocked, heartbroken and confused - his parents also told him not to tell me!! I mention this because they live right down the road and he is quite dependent on them still. They too are dependent on opiates. Anyway, he goes to a Suboxone clinic 2 hours from where we live and I know he has to test each month or he is dropped from the program but I know he knows how to get around the system as he has taken his dads pills and still wasnt dropped. Anyway, his behavior has been extremely different almost like he's a different person and he says it's from the fights that we have and he also thinks I'm cheating on him. He says I'm manipulating and he can't trust me, that he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to be married. He said he's clean and I'm the problem, I'm the crazy one. I found out that he has been taking way too much Suboxone as he was prescribed 75 strips takes 2.5 a day filled on 12/9 he was out on 1/1. He claims someone stole them out of his wallet at work but I don't believe him. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like I am crazy or have some sort of personality disorder like he says. I want to work things out for our daughter and for us but Im beginning to lose all hope. I have tried being the bigger person and praying but I get so down. I also bought a hair test and asked him if he would take it willingly but he says "I'm not taking it without a court order and I'm not giving you the satisfaction" which just makes everything worse. He won't leave the house until I stop threatening him with the fact that if he doesn't get clean, I will seek sole custody of our girl. I tell him that's reality and that I don't want to do that but she is my child. I tell him to call a lawyer because that's what you do if someone is threatening you with custody of your child but he won't. He says everyday that he will but never does. I have called an attorney but we also don't have the money. I have also scheduled counselling for myself. Ive worked in healthcare for ten years. Yes, ten. I know how important it is to stay healthy. Please, I'm welcome to any advice for me and my family. I love them so much. Thank you!

Ann

I am so sorry for your situation.

It is common for active addicts to try to make us look like the crazy person and at fault for their bad behaviour. It is called gaslighting and they get quite good at it.

You are NOT crazy nor are you to blame for any of this.

Trust your instinct. You know what you know.

You are wise to seek counseling. You and your child will need to keep safe. Any child is at risk in a home where there are drugs and active addiction.

Keep posting, we are here to support you and offer the comfort that only those who understand can offer.

Cubs91

He found the hair test, took it flipped out and ran down the street while he called the cops on me. He told them I assaulted him (I didn't even get a chance to touch him nor would I ever to anyone) and he wants to have them seperate us for the day and that he will call me tomorrow. He also got a new bank account and took half of everything. I've called hotlines for child services and domestic violence services and they both stated to seek an attorney. I also told the cops and they believed him more and said because he is in a recovery program where they test there's nothing they can do.

Cubs91

Part of me thinks what if I am wrong? What if he is really clean and it is me? I just want to know I have to know.

HardLessons

Hi Cubs

Is he really clean? Is this all you?

I can only go by what you wrote above. If that information is accurate, in my opinion, you are dealing with someone chasing full addiction. Everything you described makes sense to me in terms of him being an addict.

Being on Suboxone maintenance can be a solid program to get clean & find a path to recovery. These maintenance type programs can also be abused & turn into nothing more than smoke screens. Yes cunning addicts can beat program related drug tests.

You have to protect yourself & your daughter. In his addicted state of mind he cannot take care of himself let alone a wife or young daughter.

Learn all you can about addiction. Learning is the key to your understanding. Second guessing ourselves when trying to understand & make sense of addicted behavior is normal.

SR is a great forum. You will find a lot of solid knowledgeable support here. I am sorry for your circumstance & wish you the best of luck.

Cubs91

He took our daughter and is spending the night at his parents. What happens if I call the police? Will they test him? He filled up a gallon jug and drank half before he took her....he hasn't done that in a long time. Please, is he flushing his system?

Done4today

There's nothing in a gallon jug that could flush his system. Unless it was gasoline and that would be best case scenario.

Hechosedrugs

You can flush your system and pass a urine drug test. Not hair follicle.

This is all very typical. Every bit of it. The police not believing you, the addict framing you, the children being put in harm's way. This is life with an addict.

You need to do everything you can to protect your kids. You will probably be thwarted along the way. I was- by police, by a mediator, by doctors and nurses. You still need to try. Because if you don't you'll be the one to take the blame.

Take steps to ensure your children's protection. Let him know you're not bluffing. He can use that as an impetus for change. Statistically speaking, he probably won't, but if he does, then great- you can try again.

Trust me when I say this new side of himself that he's showing you- it can get much, much worse. Addicts are capable of the most despicable behavior.

Cubs91

Thanks hechosedrugs. Your reply has really given me some reassurance...sadly I still just want my family back together...I keep thinking he will come clean and come back. He did when he overdosed I wish he would now. Why did he before and not now?

Cubs91

I found the specimen uncontaminated! Then I ordered a second hair test. He doesn't know and this time I'm not going to tell him. I'm going to keep them to myself.