sunny053

I've ended a 4 year relationship and want it to be final this time. But after being a year sober he used again and I know he's probably going to do it as a coping mechanism for me ending it. I wish it could have worked, but I couldn't just be supportive of him in his recovery and stay in the relationship. I needed more, I'm just not happy. But it kills me because I know he's been so happy with me, and now I feel like my actions are going to cause him to use.

But I know it's not my fault, I think... How do you stop yourself from feeling responsible?

Done4today

You're not responsible for his actions.

You can't make him use, just like you can't get him to stop.

Pray for him. If you want to be in his life, set boundaries and stick to them. Be honest, direct and assertive with him. We all want to be happy. No one in their addiction brings happiness to the table. Our partnerships should increase our happiness not depend on others for it.

Good luck

Maudcat

Hi, Sunny.
No one causes someone else to use.
He may say that your behavior and stepping away caused him to use, but it’s not so.
He uses, or doesn’t, because he wants to.
His choice.
Please don’t feel guilty.
There’s a saying around here: “Just because they are sober doesn’t automatically make them good relationship material.”
Live your life addict free.
Peace.

nytepassion

As a recovering addict my recovery is my responsibility. No one elses. No one can make me use. No one can cause me to go get high. If I step out of my recovery it is by my own doing. If we bypass all our knowledge, tools, support systems and end up using it was a relaspe waiting to happen. In other words, my addiction found an excuse to use and my brain bought the lie and I relapsed. I own it!

My mom passed away in 2013 on my way back home from seeing her for the last time. I was emotionally distraught and the flight attendant was asking if I wanted a drink (the addiction reared up it's ugly head said, yes) but the recovering addict in me said, "no thank you" At that very moment I could have grabbed an excuse and used it to justify drinking, but I am 100% committed to my recovery so I used that moment in time to strengthen me in my recovery.

He has choices and whatever choice he makes it belongs solely to him. This is his battle to fight and if he lays down his arms it is on him. You are not responsible for his addiction or his recovery please believe that.

Passion