HardLessons

So I was home Christmas day it was about 6 pm. I wasn't feeling that well cold & flue symptoms.

My cell phone was in my shirt pocket & I felt it buzz for a text notification.

I received a beautiful Christmas text from my addicts daughter. She is a teenager. I responded. We texted for a bit. She talked about our Christmas time together last year. The things she remembered. She said my mom wishes you a Merry Christmas.

So I broke my own no contact rule I sent my addict a text I wished her a Merry Christmas & thanked her for the Christmas wishes from her daughter. I did not get a response.

I was very glad to hear from the daughter. I was glad to know she was ok. The last time I saw or spoke to her (the daughter) was April of this year. Its been a while.

I am owning up to my slip up. I had to respond to the daughter. She's an innocent kid. I was very close to her & love her dearly. I miss that kid.

My stupidity continues.

Hawkeye13

reblock and move forward--it will be OK

SmallButMighty

You aren't stupid, you are human. A human who loves an addict and her child.Don't beat yourself up. It was a slip. "it" happens.

You've been doing very well in your recovery and you will continue to do so. You have self accountability and that will keep you moving forward.

Be gentle with yourself.

Ariesagain

You’re human. And the daughter has been the innocent party in all of this.

But be very careful. I can easily see her mother pulling the strings behind the text, yes? “Why don’t you text HL and wish him a Merry Christmas?”

Then when you responded positively, she inched in, as well. Hmmmm.

Look, I’m a dreadful cynic, but it’s hard-earned and you’ve done so very well. I hate to see you regress.

Sending you a hug.

HardLessons

Ariesagain

There was a time when I was mind blowingly naïve concerning my addict.

I would say within an hour after the texting stopped, I first thought maybe it wasn't the daughter at all who texted me. By the phone number it was the daughters cell phone. But I thought maybe it wasn't the daughter. I cant be 100% positive but I am pretty sure it was the daughter. There were a few things she texted about last Christmas which were just little funny type things between her & I that I think only she would know or remember.

But yes I agree the mother probably put her up to it. I'm just not sure why.

I did a lot directly for the daughter. I made sure she had everything every other kid in her school had. I wanted her to be accepted & fit in. She is innocent in all of this. But she also has paid a price for not having me in her life anymore. It may or may not be monetary in nature but I am sure there is a much lesser feeling of stability.

From the first time I met my addict to now has been a crazy hard long road. Not sure how I even survived it all.

Thank you for your concerns.

Anaya

Crossing fingers that you get through this season ok. The new year could be one for moving on and good things to come for you.

As far as the young child involved - yours sounds like a positive influence that has shaped the child; a good thing, a shining light.

I am supposing many (myself included) may be vulnerable this time of the year during the holidays while being open to being sentimental, sharing goodwill, etc. I agree with those who say no need to beat yourself up.

A re-do and reinforcement on the boundaries is a good move right now.

HardLessons

Hi Anya

Its a very difficult situation for me. I would be lying if I said this didn't set me back. I am feeling it.

In spite of everything that happened, I am still in love with my addict. I know its not healthy. But love remains. Its not as emotionally edgy as it once was.

This love is a source of danger for me. I have to be very careful with it. Even after several months of no contact (except for one ugly week mid July) it still doesn't take much & I can be off to the races.

I tried hard in my own dumb way to help them. In the end it all went badly. At one time I felt good about all that I did. Today I don't feel good about any of it. It honestly turned into one big giant mess. My own behavior was extremely inconsistent. I guess it still is.

Back in April & May of this year, when things started going very badly with my addict, she withdrew the daughter from having contact with me. I didn't get to see or speak to the daughter. I asked 50 times for her school picture & never got one. I never understood why she did this to me.

There is no reinforcement of boundaries necessary. I never had any boundaries with her. If I tried to establish them, she broke them down quickly. I cant deal with her under any circumstances. At least any that I am aware of. Its a no contact type of circumstance.

I am not sure what 2018 brings. I will deal with it one day at a time.

It would be wonderful for me to know that I was a positive influence & shining light for the daughter. I always thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with her. There was never any issue interacting with her. She is special kid & I love her dearly.

Thank you for your words.