I'm new and I feel so lost
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 4
I'm new and I feel so lost
I'm new here. My husband told me Friday night that he is addicted to crystal meth. I'm still trying to process everything, and I have no idea what my next steps should be.
For background, I'm 31 and he's 34. We've been married almost 8 years, and we have an amazing 6 year old daughter. My biggest concern right now is to do what's best for her, and I'm having trouble figuring out what that is.
When my husband told me, I was floored and I feel so stupid. I had been noticing something was weird/off for months. We both wake up early for work, but he would stay up later than me, and sometimes I would think he stayed up all night. When he voiced his thoughts, sometimes they seemed irrational. When he spoke to me something felt wrong or manipulative, but I couldn't put my finger on why. He would spend hours in the garage working on projects, and spend a lot of money on tools for these projects. I just thought he was going through something, I had no idea meth was involved. This is all so surreal and I can't believe this is now our life.
So after he told me, we had a conversation. It's kind of a blur, I think I was in shock or something. Basically he told me he realized he had a problem weeks ago, realized he would lose our family if he kept down this path, and stopped using a couple days ago. He is adamant that he is going to just stop using and never use again. When counseling was suggested, he said he would go if I wanted him to, but he didn't see what talking to "some quack" about his issues was going to do to help. It seemed like he wanted me to find out he's addicted, be completely fine with it, and just move on with our lives. I can't do that. This is a huge problem and one that I can't see him fixing without help from a professional.
Saturday he spent more time in the garage. I was leaving with our daughter and he became offended that I didn't say bye. Honestly I'm just trying not to interact with him until I figure myself and my emotions out. When I told him this, he told me he would be sure to tell friend (the one he works with who supplies him) that this is why he is getting more. Our daughter was already in the car, so she had no idea what he said or what's going on. I told him that if he is going to behave like this, he needs to leave. I can't have this type of manipulation around myself or our daughter. I told him we would be back in a couple of hours, please take what stuff he needs and be gone. I put on my happy mom face and ran errands. He was still here when we got back. He told me he will not leave because he is determined to work on our marriage and doesn't want to lose me.
Later on I went out to the garage, and there was a 6 pack of beer (which I rarely see him drink) with 3 missing. He passed out on the couch before our daughter went to bed. I would say fell asleep, but he could barely open his eyes.
I know this was long, I'm so sorry. I'm so scared right now. Our daughter doesn't deserve whatever upheaval will be happening in the coming months, and it kills me that I can't fix it. It's 10 days until Christmas. I just want to keep it together until then. But after, then what? Do I make him leave, do I leave? Do I stay and support him? How do I do that? I have thousands of questions and no answers. If anyone has anything that could even possibly help, I would be so grateful.
For background, I'm 31 and he's 34. We've been married almost 8 years, and we have an amazing 6 year old daughter. My biggest concern right now is to do what's best for her, and I'm having trouble figuring out what that is.
When my husband told me, I was floored and I feel so stupid. I had been noticing something was weird/off for months. We both wake up early for work, but he would stay up later than me, and sometimes I would think he stayed up all night. When he voiced his thoughts, sometimes they seemed irrational. When he spoke to me something felt wrong or manipulative, but I couldn't put my finger on why. He would spend hours in the garage working on projects, and spend a lot of money on tools for these projects. I just thought he was going through something, I had no idea meth was involved. This is all so surreal and I can't believe this is now our life.
So after he told me, we had a conversation. It's kind of a blur, I think I was in shock or something. Basically he told me he realized he had a problem weeks ago, realized he would lose our family if he kept down this path, and stopped using a couple days ago. He is adamant that he is going to just stop using and never use again. When counseling was suggested, he said he would go if I wanted him to, but he didn't see what talking to "some quack" about his issues was going to do to help. It seemed like he wanted me to find out he's addicted, be completely fine with it, and just move on with our lives. I can't do that. This is a huge problem and one that I can't see him fixing without help from a professional.
Saturday he spent more time in the garage. I was leaving with our daughter and he became offended that I didn't say bye. Honestly I'm just trying not to interact with him until I figure myself and my emotions out. When I told him this, he told me he would be sure to tell friend (the one he works with who supplies him) that this is why he is getting more. Our daughter was already in the car, so she had no idea what he said or what's going on. I told him that if he is going to behave like this, he needs to leave. I can't have this type of manipulation around myself or our daughter. I told him we would be back in a couple of hours, please take what stuff he needs and be gone. I put on my happy mom face and ran errands. He was still here when we got back. He told me he will not leave because he is determined to work on our marriage and doesn't want to lose me.
Later on I went out to the garage, and there was a 6 pack of beer (which I rarely see him drink) with 3 missing. He passed out on the couch before our daughter went to bed. I would say fell asleep, but he could barely open his eyes.
I know this was long, I'm so sorry. I'm so scared right now. Our daughter doesn't deserve whatever upheaval will be happening in the coming months, and it kills me that I can't fix it. It's 10 days until Christmas. I just want to keep it together until then. But after, then what? Do I make him leave, do I leave? Do I stay and support him? How do I do that? I have thousands of questions and no answers. If anyone has anything that could even possibly help, I would be so grateful.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Hello Surreal, what a horrible thing to have to hear, I am so sorry. Of course you are reeling.
It's unlikely he'll stop on his own, just through willpower. Your instincts are right on that.
I suggest you educate yourself as much as possible about addiction. There is a lot of information in the "stickies" on the forum. Also, it's a good idea to separate your finances. Make sure you have your own bank and credit card accounts that he cannot access.
See a lawyer and find out your rights and obligations if you decide to separate. Knowledge is power. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Start keeping your own records. Write down dates, times, events - like what he told you, like seeing the missing beer, like him passing out, like your previous conversations when he did not sound rational. Take pictures. I know this sounds rather cold and calculating. Maybe you will never have a need for records like this but it's better to have them and never use them, than to need them and not have them.
Seek out therapy for yourself, with someone knowledgeable about addiction. Decide what your boundaries are and what you'll do if he crosses them. As he said he'll go to counseling (albeit with a lousy attitude) I'd suggest telling him him yes, you want him to, and hopefully he'll really do it and it'll help.
Keep reading and posting, there is a lot of support here. You're not alone. God bless.
It's unlikely he'll stop on his own, just through willpower. Your instincts are right on that.
I suggest you educate yourself as much as possible about addiction. There is a lot of information in the "stickies" on the forum. Also, it's a good idea to separate your finances. Make sure you have your own bank and credit card accounts that he cannot access.
See a lawyer and find out your rights and obligations if you decide to separate. Knowledge is power. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Start keeping your own records. Write down dates, times, events - like what he told you, like seeing the missing beer, like him passing out, like your previous conversations when he did not sound rational. Take pictures. I know this sounds rather cold and calculating. Maybe you will never have a need for records like this but it's better to have them and never use them, than to need them and not have them.
Seek out therapy for yourself, with someone knowledgeable about addiction. Decide what your boundaries are and what you'll do if he crosses them. As he said he'll go to counseling (albeit with a lousy attitude) I'd suggest telling him him yes, you want him to, and hopefully he'll really do it and it'll help.
Keep reading and posting, there is a lot of support here. You're not alone. God bless.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
wow, that's a lot to absorb, isn't it?? for right now just focus on learning what you can about meth addiction (hint, it ain't good) and making sure your child is never left alone with him.
and also know he won't be able to "just quit" - meth is a VERY powerful drug and does a real number on the synapses and it's hard to put down and not pick back up.
you are correct, NO child should have active drug use in the home. no child should be around an active addict. and if her father is unwilling to put her first, protect her, do whatever it takes to provide a safe sane and drug free home, that may lead to other decisions.
keep reading. you might wanna check the finances. and make sure there isn't a big exodus of cash going on.
and also know he won't be able to "just quit" - meth is a VERY powerful drug and does a real number on the synapses and it's hard to put down and not pick back up.
you are correct, NO child should have active drug use in the home. no child should be around an active addict. and if her father is unwilling to put her first, protect her, do whatever it takes to provide a safe sane and drug free home, that may lead to other decisions.
keep reading. you might wanna check the finances. and make sure there isn't a big exodus of cash going on.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Welcome to SR. This is where you can find help or people who have similar experiences.
You need to 1) secure your finances, 2) change your passwords, 3) do some research on what happens if you split up because it might come to that... and don't tell him you're doing any of this, just do it quietly. Never leave your child alone with him. He is not reliable. He told you that he's an addict because he's trying to see how far he can make you jump. He's not made room for your feelings regarding his lies (and keeping this from you is a lie), but expects you to accept the situation just because he's "admitted it". He's also said he would stop, but thinks that counseling is done by "quacks" so he won't get help for the reasons that made him think it was okay to use drugs... (my STBXAH was also like this and said that recovery groups and rehab were "cults"). Despite saying that he was going to stop, he chooses to blame you for his choice to go out and get more drugs, thus attempting to make you responsible for his choices.
Make no mistake: he had told you that he has a problem because he realized that he is not in control of the drug anymore and wants to pawn off his responsibilities on you (this is very cowardly). He does not want to stop -- or he may want to, but can't, and isn't ready to face how hard it will be to stop. He does not want to lose his family (of course) because any change in his routine would be a huge inconvenience to his drug use.
Source of my opinions: my ex (stb) was also a garage-living drug abuser. Yes, it literally got to the point where he only was in the house when he crawled back inside to collapse on the floor. In the end, he couldn't even make it indoors most days. He would be awake for a few days, then crawl back inside and be asleep for a few days -- asleep anywhere inside, the kitchen floor, the bathroom... etc.
Please keep your child safe. Keep your money and your child and your person safe. You're not dealing with the same man you married. This guy has been slowly changing over some time and is not likely to change back into what you knew him to be.
Re: the advice about taking pictures. Do it. I regret not doing it. I thought of it and thought, no that's too mean. It would humiliate him. I regret having thought that.
You need to 1) secure your finances, 2) change your passwords, 3) do some research on what happens if you split up because it might come to that... and don't tell him you're doing any of this, just do it quietly. Never leave your child alone with him. He is not reliable. He told you that he's an addict because he's trying to see how far he can make you jump. He's not made room for your feelings regarding his lies (and keeping this from you is a lie), but expects you to accept the situation just because he's "admitted it". He's also said he would stop, but thinks that counseling is done by "quacks" so he won't get help for the reasons that made him think it was okay to use drugs... (my STBXAH was also like this and said that recovery groups and rehab were "cults"). Despite saying that he was going to stop, he chooses to blame you for his choice to go out and get more drugs, thus attempting to make you responsible for his choices.
Make no mistake: he had told you that he has a problem because he realized that he is not in control of the drug anymore and wants to pawn off his responsibilities on you (this is very cowardly). He does not want to stop -- or he may want to, but can't, and isn't ready to face how hard it will be to stop. He does not want to lose his family (of course) because any change in his routine would be a huge inconvenience to his drug use.
Source of my opinions: my ex (stb) was also a garage-living drug abuser. Yes, it literally got to the point where he only was in the house when he crawled back inside to collapse on the floor. In the end, he couldn't even make it indoors most days. He would be awake for a few days, then crawl back inside and be asleep for a few days -- asleep anywhere inside, the kitchen floor, the bathroom... etc.
Please keep your child safe. Keep your money and your child and your person safe. You're not dealing with the same man you married. This guy has been slowly changing over some time and is not likely to change back into what you knew him to be.
Re: the advice about taking pictures. Do it. I regret not doing it. I thought of it and thought, no that's too mean. It would humiliate him. I regret having thought that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 4
Thank y'all so much. I'm doing as much research as I can, and I'm also documenting now. I'm sending these notes and pictures to a trusted friend that doesn't have any contact with my husband.
In the meantime, any discussions I have been having with him seem to go in circles. One minute he seems rational, the next he seems manipulative and defensive. It's making me question myself. Maybe I'm reading to much into what he's saying. But then I think maybe I'm not. I don't know.
Good vibes/thoughts and prayers would be so appreciated. I hate that I'm in this situation, it's still so hard to understand. But I'm glad I may have found a good resource.
In the meantime, any discussions I have been having with him seem to go in circles. One minute he seems rational, the next he seems manipulative and defensive. It's making me question myself. Maybe I'm reading to much into what he's saying. But then I think maybe I'm not. I don't know.
Good vibes/thoughts and prayers would be so appreciated. I hate that I'm in this situation, it's still so hard to understand. But I'm glad I may have found a good resource.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
This happened to me too. It made me feel guilty and think I was crazy or "stupid" and "forgetful". He's trying to divert attention away from his problems by gaslighting you. He's making you question yourself. It's called gaslighting, which is a form of manipulation. Do not bother discussing the situation with him. Just let him know what you won't tolerate, tell him what YOU will do if it happens (not what he should do, what YOU will do, ie: if you do x, I will move to my parents' house/friend's house/ leave you... etc. If you ask for money, I will say no.) Trust your gut. If you ignore your gut for long enough, you will get physically sick, maybe even permanently (it happened to me).
Originally Posted by Surreal378 
In the meantime, any discussions I have been having with him seem to go in circles. One minute he seems rational, the next he seems manipulative and defensive. It's making me question myself. Maybe I'm reading to much into what he's saying. But then I think maybe I'm not. I don't know.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Trust your instincts, if you think he's being defensive and manipulative - he is. I second what Ophelia said.
This is excellent advice. His words don't mean much. Look at his actions. And it's really good you are documenting and have a trusted friend to help. Praying for you, Surreal, very sorry you are dealing with this but glad you found SR. It really is a great resource.
Do not bother discussing the situation with him. Just let him know what you won't tolerate, tell him what YOU will do if it happens (not what he should do, what YOU will do, ie: if you do x, I will move to my parents' house/friend's house/ leave you... etc. If you ask for money, I will say no.)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by OpheliaKatz
This happened to me too. It made me feel guilty and think I was crazy or "stupid" and "forgetful". He's trying to divert attention away from his problems by gaslighting you. He's making you question yourself. It's called gaslighting, which is a form of manipulation. Do not bother discussing the situation with him. Just let him know what you won't tolerate, tell him what YOU will do if it happens (not what he should do, what YOU will do, ie: if you do x, I will move to my parents' house/friend's house/ leave you... etc. If you ask for money, I will say no.) Trust your gut. If you ignore your gut for long enough, you will get physically sick, maybe even permanently (it happened to me).
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Ufta,
This is a lot to take in and I am sorry for your situation.
Not everyone is the same. I was able to stop using meth with no outside help what-so-ever, been clean for 13 years. HOWEVER
From there, I went to legal stuff, alcohol. I am now in AA for that. I fed one addiction with another, a little later. When I stopped MEth I wasn't 21 so I was unable to buy alcohol and honestly didn't want it until I hit 21, it all slowly but surely went downhill.
I do like the idea of him seeking professional help, just so he doesn't switch the addiction. Maybe you both are going to need some counsel?
NA meetings are great (I hear from the people who go to them) I would imagine it is like AA, and I persoanlly ahve found much assitance and gudiance within the walls of AA.
Like the others have said, protect yourself financially, Meth is a very expensive habit. I remember selling damn near everything I had just to get it.
No contact from users, having to leave all those people behind.
Being consumed by the drug does mess with the brain, it took me a while before I was "clear" again, but my brain did clear up.
Meth for me: I loved it, the high was amazing and I knew I would never feel it again, however, I would chase for it, smoke more and more spend more and more to just try and get that first high. I felt AMAZING, but in reality, I am sure I looked terrible. I was strong, confident, thin, witty- All these were great to have (I have them sober too, just not the skin and bones). I started when I was 16, my grades were slipping, my friend told on me at my high school and I was sent to a 5 day treatment program. From there I came home late one day and my mom thought I was using, so she called the cops, I had to go take a UA (which I passed) when she did that I didnt speak to her for a long time (2 years) and from there I hit it harder, I married my meth dealer who was 12 years older then myself. I now felt in control, the ability to stay awake all night and work in the garage (I also had a cabinet shop with my ex-husband) we would get so much work done, in between the 2 hours break sessions to smoke. In reality, all the breaks slowed us down in production, had we just taken those breaks and slept our minds would have been refreshed, clear, able to do more within working hours.
The comedowns were the worst. I remember being awake for 8 days straight. the hallucination would start, peering out the window to see if the cops or someone was spying on us, I would hear things all the time- nothing was ever there when I would finally fall asleep, I would for 3 days at a time.
I woke up one morning, took a shower and heard a loud bang at my door, I was coming down the stairs in a towel and when I opened the door I had HUGE automatic guns from the SWAT team, pointing at my face. They were not there for me or even my ex-husband, they were there for someone who they thought lived there (the person did for a short time). Did this scare me away from the drug? NOPE, not yet. They found a sawed-off shotgun in the safe of the EX, he ended up going to prison. At this time I re-evaluated my life. quiet cold turkey. Never touched it again.
I could taste it for the next 5 years with almost every cigarette I hade
I would dream of having the energy to deep clean the house, just get a bag for 1 weekend and that could happen. Never got it.
I was never going to prison. I was scared
That is my meth sotry, just to give you a glimpse of what the drug can do.
Protect yourself and your daughter.
I hope he stopps for so many reason!
This is a lot to take in and I am sorry for your situation.
Not everyone is the same. I was able to stop using meth with no outside help what-so-ever, been clean for 13 years. HOWEVER
From there, I went to legal stuff, alcohol. I am now in AA for that. I fed one addiction with another, a little later. When I stopped MEth I wasn't 21 so I was unable to buy alcohol and honestly didn't want it until I hit 21, it all slowly but surely went downhill.
I do like the idea of him seeking professional help, just so he doesn't switch the addiction. Maybe you both are going to need some counsel?
NA meetings are great (I hear from the people who go to them) I would imagine it is like AA, and I persoanlly ahve found much assitance and gudiance within the walls of AA.
Like the others have said, protect yourself financially, Meth is a very expensive habit. I remember selling damn near everything I had just to get it.
No contact from users, having to leave all those people behind.
Being consumed by the drug does mess with the brain, it took me a while before I was "clear" again, but my brain did clear up.
Meth for me: I loved it, the high was amazing and I knew I would never feel it again, however, I would chase for it, smoke more and more spend more and more to just try and get that first high. I felt AMAZING, but in reality, I am sure I looked terrible. I was strong, confident, thin, witty- All these were great to have (I have them sober too, just not the skin and bones). I started when I was 16, my grades were slipping, my friend told on me at my high school and I was sent to a 5 day treatment program. From there I came home late one day and my mom thought I was using, so she called the cops, I had to go take a UA (which I passed) when she did that I didnt speak to her for a long time (2 years) and from there I hit it harder, I married my meth dealer who was 12 years older then myself. I now felt in control, the ability to stay awake all night and work in the garage (I also had a cabinet shop with my ex-husband) we would get so much work done, in between the 2 hours break sessions to smoke. In reality, all the breaks slowed us down in production, had we just taken those breaks and slept our minds would have been refreshed, clear, able to do more within working hours.
The comedowns were the worst. I remember being awake for 8 days straight. the hallucination would start, peering out the window to see if the cops or someone was spying on us, I would hear things all the time- nothing was ever there when I would finally fall asleep, I would for 3 days at a time.
I woke up one morning, took a shower and heard a loud bang at my door, I was coming down the stairs in a towel and when I opened the door I had HUGE automatic guns from the SWAT team, pointing at my face. They were not there for me or even my ex-husband, they were there for someone who they thought lived there (the person did for a short time). Did this scare me away from the drug? NOPE, not yet. They found a sawed-off shotgun in the safe of the EX, he ended up going to prison. At this time I re-evaluated my life. quiet cold turkey. Never touched it again.
I could taste it for the next 5 years with almost every cigarette I hade
I would dream of having the energy to deep clean the house, just get a bag for 1 weekend and that could happen. Never got it.
I was never going to prison. I was scared
That is my meth sotry, just to give you a glimpse of what the drug can do.
Protect yourself and your daughter.
I hope he stopps for so many reason!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17
Ufta,
This is a lot to take in and I am sorry for your situation.
Not everyone is the same. I was able to stop using meth with no outside help what-so-ever, been clean for 13 years. HOWEVER
From there, I went to legal stuff, alcohol. I am now in AA for that. I fed one addiction with another, a little later. When I stopped MEth I wasn't 21 so I was unable to buy alcohol and honestly didn't want it until I hit 21, it all slowly but surely went downhill.
I do like the idea of him seeking professional help, just so he doesn't switch the addiction. Maybe you both are going to need some counsel?
NA meetings are great (I hear from the people who go to them) I would imagine it is like AA, and I persoanlly ahve found much assitance and gudiance within the walls of AA.
Like the others have said, protect yourself financially, Meth is a very expensive habit. I remember selling damn near everything I had just to get it.
No contact from users, having to leave all those people behind.
Being consumed by the drug does mess with the brain, it took me a while before I was "clear" again, but my brain did clear up.
Meth for me: I loved it, the high was amazing and I knew I would never feel it again, however, I would chase for it, smoke more and more spend more and more to just try and get that first high. I felt AMAZING, but in reality, I am sure I looked terrible. I was strong, confident, thin, witty- All these were great to have (I have them sober too, just not the skin and bones). I started when I was 16, my grades were slipping, my friend told on me at my high school and I was sent to a 5 day treatment program. From there I came home late one day and my mom thought I was using, so she called the cops, I had to go take a UA (which I passed) when she did that I didnt speak to her for a long time (2 years) and from there I hit it harder, I married my meth dealer who was 12 years older then myself. I now felt in control, the ability to stay awake all night and work in the garage (I also had a cabinet shop with my ex-husband) we would get so much work done, in between the 2 hours break sessions to smoke. In reality, all the breaks slowed us down in production, had we just taken those breaks and slept our minds would have been refreshed, clear, able to do more within working hours.
The comedowns were the worst. I remember being awake for 8 days straight. the hallucination would start, peering out the window to see if the cops or someone was spying on us, I would hear things all the time- nothing was ever there when I would finally fall asleep, I would for 3 days at a time.
I woke up one morning, took a shower and heard a loud bang at my door, I was coming down the stairs in a towel and when I opened the door I had HUGE automatic guns from the SWAT team, pointing at my face. They were not there for me or even my ex-husband, they were there for someone who they thought lived there (the person did for a short time). Did this scare me away from the drug? NOPE, not yet. They found a sawed-off shotgun in the safe of the EX, he ended up going to prison. At this time I re-evaluated my life. quiet cold turkey. Never touched it again.
I could taste it for the next 5 years with almost every cigarette I hade
I would dream of having the energy to deep clean the house, just get a bag for 1 weekend and that could happen. Never got it.
I was never going to prison. I was scared
That is my meth sotry, just to give you a glimpse of what the drug can do.
Protect yourself and your daughter.
I hope he stopps for so many reason!
This is a lot to take in and I am sorry for your situation.
Not everyone is the same. I was able to stop using meth with no outside help what-so-ever, been clean for 13 years. HOWEVER
From there, I went to legal stuff, alcohol. I am now in AA for that. I fed one addiction with another, a little later. When I stopped MEth I wasn't 21 so I was unable to buy alcohol and honestly didn't want it until I hit 21, it all slowly but surely went downhill.
I do like the idea of him seeking professional help, just so he doesn't switch the addiction. Maybe you both are going to need some counsel?
NA meetings are great (I hear from the people who go to them) I would imagine it is like AA, and I persoanlly ahve found much assitance and gudiance within the walls of AA.
Like the others have said, protect yourself financially, Meth is a very expensive habit. I remember selling damn near everything I had just to get it.
No contact from users, having to leave all those people behind.
Being consumed by the drug does mess with the brain, it took me a while before I was "clear" again, but my brain did clear up.
Meth for me: I loved it, the high was amazing and I knew I would never feel it again, however, I would chase for it, smoke more and more spend more and more to just try and get that first high. I felt AMAZING, but in reality, I am sure I looked terrible. I was strong, confident, thin, witty- All these were great to have (I have them sober too, just not the skin and bones). I started when I was 16, my grades were slipping, my friend told on me at my high school and I was sent to a 5 day treatment program. From there I came home late one day and my mom thought I was using, so she called the cops, I had to go take a UA (which I passed) when she did that I didnt speak to her for a long time (2 years) and from there I hit it harder, I married my meth dealer who was 12 years older then myself. I now felt in control, the ability to stay awake all night and work in the garage (I also had a cabinet shop with my ex-husband) we would get so much work done, in between the 2 hours break sessions to smoke. In reality, all the breaks slowed us down in production, had we just taken those breaks and slept our minds would have been refreshed, clear, able to do more within working hours.
The comedowns were the worst. I remember being awake for 8 days straight. the hallucination would start, peering out the window to see if the cops or someone was spying on us, I would hear things all the time- nothing was ever there when I would finally fall asleep, I would for 3 days at a time.
I woke up one morning, took a shower and heard a loud bang at my door, I was coming down the stairs in a towel and when I opened the door I had HUGE automatic guns from the SWAT team, pointing at my face. They were not there for me or even my ex-husband, they were there for someone who they thought lived there (the person did for a short time). Did this scare me away from the drug? NOPE, not yet. They found a sawed-off shotgun in the safe of the EX, he ended up going to prison. At this time I re-evaluated my life. quiet cold turkey. Never touched it again.
I could taste it for the next 5 years with almost every cigarette I hade
I would dream of having the energy to deep clean the house, just get a bag for 1 weekend and that could happen. Never got it.
I was never going to prison. I was scared
That is my meth sotry, just to give you a glimpse of what the drug can do.
Protect yourself and your daughter.
I hope he stopps for so many reason!
I worry so much because he has high blood pressure. Meth seems like it would be even more dangerous with this added in. He weighed himself yesterday, turns out he's lost 40 lbs. I mentioned his weight loss to him about a week ago. So now I'm wondering if he didn't think it was best to tell me and get help. Im wondering if he panicked and thought I was about to figure out his secret so he told me in order to make himself look better. I guess in the end it doesn't make a difference. This will go one of two ways, and I'm dreading having to discuss with our daughter that daddy is making some unhealthy choices for himself and for us, and that's why he doesn't live here anymore.
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