Positivity Needed

Old 11-12-2017, 07:56 AM
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Positivity Needed

I've posted a lot on here in the past week and I do apologize.. but I am really struggling. My boyfriend, or ex, whatever he is, has gone from an occasional user of cocaine to a daily user of about 2-3 grams per day in just a few months. It has driven me to insanity and severe depression because my brother almost died from heroin.. so it's just a repeat of sadness for me.

He has been using cocaine on and off for years but it's never been this bad. He makes a lot of money... which is bad because money never becomes an issue when supporting his habit. He has always been able to maintain his job however I am having my doubts lately due to his increased usage. Anyway, he goes into psychosis and has severe paranoia. He thinks walls are moving and people are in his house trying to kill him. I haven't seen him in a week because all we do is argue and I break up with him and then take it back because I am weak. In a few weeks he has become so beyond nasty and cruel - it's like I don't even know him anymore. I've tried every tactic.. tried to be nice and positive, tried tough love, offered to find him rehabs, offered to go to NA meetings with him but he refuses. He told me last week he wanted space for a few days and didn't know if HE wanted to be with ME anymore. Crazy, I know. I decided to give him space. He has reached out a few times during this week saying he's thinking about me. I finally reached on 2 days ago .. he said he wanted be with me and work this out. Yesterday, he changed his mind and said he's still not sure.. I am assuming he was withdrawing when he said that.

I am considering this relationship over. However.. I still have a lot of my belongings at his house. He keeps telling me not to come over (I'm assuming because he has trashed his house - it's full of garbage now).. he says he will leave them at a random location and text me where they are. I'm so heartbroken someone could treat me this way. I am contemplating going to his place today unannounced just to check on him and to try to get my things. I do love him.. I am truly worried about him as I haven't heard from him in 24 hours .. I tried calling and texting and he ignored .. which Is not really like him.. What should I do? Any advice?
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:06 AM
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i would NOT go over there alone, unannounced. you can call the police, explain the situation and ask someone to accompany you to gather your belongings. or one or two strapping men who can assure your safety.

or ask yourself if these belongings are truly necessary?

he is unstable and dangerous. i can't state that strongly enough.
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:08 AM
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Hi, Abby.
How do you feel about getting law enforcement-the police- involved.?
An officer could accompany you to get your stuff, and check on your SO.
Abby, I know you know this: you are not responsible for his recovery, or lack thereof.
I am so sorry for your situation.
Addiction is a heartbreaker.
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:09 AM
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Also agree with Anvil. Do you really need the things that are at his house?
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Old 11-12-2017, 01:08 PM
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Stay the heck away from him, Abby.
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Old 11-12-2017, 01:22 PM
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Personally I would write off the things left at his home and stay away.
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Old 11-13-2017, 03:29 AM
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Oh my god. This post triggers me. It reminds me of my ex. Please get police involved. The cops saved my life. If you only have a few things, maybe leave them. If they are important, get the cops involved and don't go alone. If you have any furniture, please get your friends to help you and don't go alone.
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Old 11-13-2017, 05:39 AM
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I'm so heartbroken someone could treat me this way. I am contemplating going to his place today unannounced just to check on him and to try to get my things.
Please listen to those above who wisely suggest that you do not go there alone. You may have no idea how dangerous this situation could be for you. Drugs make them crazy, no matter what they were like before drugs.

Having police with you if/when you go would also protect you if something has happened to him.

Whatever is going on with him is not your fault, not your responsibility to investigate or try to change, and very dangerous territory for you to consider entering.

It hurts to let go of someone we love, but the sad thing is that we are holding onto "what might have beens" and not "what is" at all. When I let go of my son's addiction and turned his care over to God, I was letting go of the person he used to be. The active addict he was had left my contact a long time ago. Thinking I had any control at all was an illusion that kept me in Crazyland long after I should have taken myself to someplace safe.
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