We weren't enough
 

My partner and I have been together for 2 and a half years and have a gorgeous little one year old boy together. He has been on the methadone program for the last 6 years which I was aware of when we met however while on the program he has used many times and hidden this from me with lies i stupidly believed. He had been reducing his dose over the last year to come off and four weeks ago he came off entirely. It has been hell. He used the day he told me he came off. (Got two days takeaways ahead and injected in a supermarket toilet). He is constantly using prescription drugs to get high and calls it recreational use and is leaving me because I'm not okay with this. Tonight he has ended our relationship and left. I am so incredibly hurt. I have supported him through everything and tried to keep our relationship together because I do love him for some stupid reason and we have a son together. Is there any hope or will this just continue for the rest of his life? He has a big gambling problem too which has impacted on our relationship a lot. A part of me feels like he just wants to leave tonight so he can go get high. He knows I'll miss him and of course want him back..I love what we have with our son so it's really hard being without him. I feel so stuck. I keep holding on because I see changes and then right back to square one. Or is this something I need to walk away from

I'm sorry you are going through this. To be frank, I think he is always going to have difficulties managing addiction: gambling, drugs, drugging after leaving the methadone program. Try to see it as a gift that he ended your relationship. I know that it doesn't feel that way, but he has been lying to you, and part of him knows that he is going to keep doing it. I think you and your son deserve to have a husband and father who is going to be present in the relationship with both of you. Children are easily hurt by their parents' difficulties, and as long as you are in the relationship, your child will hurt. Step away from your partner and give you and your child a time to heal (maybe a few months) before you decide if you want to contact him again. Know, however, that your partner may not change and is unlikely to change.

Addiction is a difficult lifelong struggle for many people. In fact, I don't believe there are any exceptions.

God that hurts but your right.

So sorry you are going through this. I understand completly how incredibly painful it is to hang on and hope and hope that one day you will have the man without the drugs. The man who is a husband and father and puts those first. My situation is similar to yours and the merry go round never stops. After a while you start to sadly accept that with each relapse, each lie that it will never happen. You slowly detach and begin to put your guard up. You hear the promises but you don't allow yourself to believe them the same, more a hopefulness but knowing deep down its all lies. So sad but one day you will reach a point where you no longer care and will be so sick of it all the love you had for him will be gone and replaced by anger. Anger for all the hurt the lies the wasted time and for never stepping up to responsibilities. The hurt will lessen and it's more a dissapointment and a final acceptance that things will never as you dreamed with him.
Sadly your child will be caught up in the mess. The one thing that keeps me at my strongest is that I never ever want my boys to grow up like him and repeat the cycle. I pray in heart more than anything that I will not allow my sons to be witness to the chaos of addiction and for it to be normalised to them.
He has given you a gift by leaving as previous people have said. Take it with open arms and move on to a happier life without the burdens and a secure future for you son. Keep coming back here it's a lifeline wig people who truely understand what others do not

Hi, Nova.
Welcome.
Agree with the earlier posters that your SO is in active addiction and showing no signs of stopping.
Besides the emotional stress you experience with him, I would also point outt that he has some seriously expensive addictions: prescription drugs and gambling.
I can only guess at the financial impact on you.
The first thing I would do in his absence is take steps to protect my finances.
Close accounts. Start new ones in your name only.
Good luck.

Your life will be much better for you and your son without the serious problems addiction can cause for both of you. Do you realize the devastation an addict can have on a childs's life? Please move on and seek healthy relationships for you and your son. If you are going to save someone's life...make it your own. Your son needs all of you.

Thank you for sharing with me. I'm a little lost for words at the moment as much as I want to talk about it. Just processing I guess. But this is very helpful so thank you.

you are more than enough. your child is more than enough.

however, addiction doesn't give a ratsass - anyone in the way of continued active addiction becomes collateral damage. he has never truly attempted to live a CLEAN life, he has always been ON something. his addictions are not limited to JUST drugs. sadly, that's a big battle....for HIM to fight.

or not. see that's the thing. people are free to screw up their lives, and are not obligated to consider anyone or anything else first. with this selfish behavior comes consequences. financial, familial, legal.

protect yourself.

I agree that the first thing you need to do is protect your finances or set something aside so that if you have to leave in a hurry you will have something to take with you.

Sadly, addiction is progressive and this situation is likely to get much worse before it gets better.

Protect yourself and your child, it may not feel like it but neither one of you are safe living with active addiction.

Hugs

We are in the same situation as you. My son (now 5) and I have never seen him sober since my son was born. My AH is addicted to cocaine, marijuana, alcohol, steroid pills, gambling, escorts, porn... you name it. My son and I deserve better and I want you to know that you and your child deserve better too.

The hard lessons in life are meant to make us stronger and while they hurt like hell, your decision to move on without your partner is the greatest gift that YOU as a mother can give to your son. Trust and have faith in that.