The flip has switched!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 88
The flip has switched!
For al those who read or remember my post about being pregnant and having so many problems with my abf I would like to update.
3 weeks ago (after giving him yet another chance) I moved out the house and got my own place. He was supposed to be joining me but I could tell he had taken something and knew deep down he had been taking vallium or pregabbalin for a few weeks. I couldn't prove it and drove myself crazy looking for clues as you do. On the night before we were to move he went out and came back stoned with £200 of our money whose he said he had "tied up" ie bought Xanax to sell. I am against all drug dealing and a drug addict who is in recovery has no place doing this. That was the final straw. I have left on my own and never looked back. I feel relaxed happy and free. I have managed to stay strong and the times I have seen him my hatred for his selfishness and lies grows deeper. I am hanging on to this anger and not even tempted to skip back into feeling pity for him or thinking this time he wil stop. He has spent the last 3 weeks off his face and living with junkies. He contacts me to say he loves me and denies he's been using drugs and asking to see his baby. I have refused and it feels good!! To take that power back!! To finally accept that I and my child will always be second to his desire to get wasted. To accept that I am truely sick and tired of being sick and tired. To accept that he has lied so so so so many times I can't even count and that there will so much I do not know and that's ok.
It's like the cloud has been lifted and I no longer feel responsible or sucked into the cycle of abuse.
He told me he plans to keep selling Xanax to make money and I can keep them in a locked box so I know he's not taking them!! As if!!! As if he's not going to be getting wasted with the losers he is selling them to apart from anything else. He has had money and never offered me anything for milk and nappies instead bought himself and new phone and fixed his car. I hate him I really cannot believe I thought I loved someone who could be so devious.
Anyway thankyou for reading as that was a long post! I have been lurking the past 3 weeks reading everything here to keep my strength up and I'm praying my resolve strengthens and lasts.
3 weeks ago (after giving him yet another chance) I moved out the house and got my own place. He was supposed to be joining me but I could tell he had taken something and knew deep down he had been taking vallium or pregabbalin for a few weeks. I couldn't prove it and drove myself crazy looking for clues as you do. On the night before we were to move he went out and came back stoned with £200 of our money whose he said he had "tied up" ie bought Xanax to sell. I am against all drug dealing and a drug addict who is in recovery has no place doing this. That was the final straw. I have left on my own and never looked back. I feel relaxed happy and free. I have managed to stay strong and the times I have seen him my hatred for his selfishness and lies grows deeper. I am hanging on to this anger and not even tempted to skip back into feeling pity for him or thinking this time he wil stop. He has spent the last 3 weeks off his face and living with junkies. He contacts me to say he loves me and denies he's been using drugs and asking to see his baby. I have refused and it feels good!! To take that power back!! To finally accept that I and my child will always be second to his desire to get wasted. To accept that I am truely sick and tired of being sick and tired. To accept that he has lied so so so so many times I can't even count and that there will so much I do not know and that's ok.
It's like the cloud has been lifted and I no longer feel responsible or sucked into the cycle of abuse.
He told me he plans to keep selling Xanax to make money and I can keep them in a locked box so I know he's not taking them!! As if!!! As if he's not going to be getting wasted with the losers he is selling them to apart from anything else. He has had money and never offered me anything for milk and nappies instead bought himself and new phone and fixed his car. I hate him I really cannot believe I thought I loved someone who could be so devious.
Anyway thankyou for reading as that was a long post! I have been lurking the past 3 weeks reading everything here to keep my strength up and I'm praying my resolve strengthens and lasts.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Hi MissMac
Yes the drug dealing & other various criminal behavior is another grave area of concern. We can get sucked in to the point where we put ourselves at risk of being arrested.
Clearly when your ABF said " He told me he plans to keep selling Xanax to make money and I can keep them in a locked box so I know he's not taking them!!" he leaves you holding illegal prescription drugs. What happens to you & your baby if the police show up at your door?
Also this statement pretty much sums up just how selfish an active addict is "He has had money and never offered me anything for milk and nappies instead bought himself and new phone and fixed his car."
To further protect yourself, please consider limiting contact to the least possible amount. Given that you have a baby together I am not sure if you can cut him off completely. He obviously does not have your best interest at heart.
I hope you & your baby are safe & doing well.
Yes the drug dealing & other various criminal behavior is another grave area of concern. We can get sucked in to the point where we put ourselves at risk of being arrested.
Clearly when your ABF said " He told me he plans to keep selling Xanax to make money and I can keep them in a locked box so I know he's not taking them!!" he leaves you holding illegal prescription drugs. What happens to you & your baby if the police show up at your door?
Also this statement pretty much sums up just how selfish an active addict is "He has had money and never offered me anything for milk and nappies instead bought himself and new phone and fixed his car."
To further protect yourself, please consider limiting contact to the least possible amount. Given that you have a baby together I am not sure if you can cut him off completely. He obviously does not have your best interest at heart.
I hope you & your baby are safe & doing well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 88
Absolutely. He showed up at my door this morning with a tin of baby milk and plenty cash in his pocket but none offered my way. He has stolen thousands off me over the last few years for his drugs and never thought to pay me a penny. I felt nothing looking at him except the familiar pull of wishing things were different etc. He was promising to come off drugs and that he would move away all the usual quacking. How much he loved me etc. Then he started texting a girl and said he was selling Xanax to her. I just saw red and told him to leave and never ever ever show up again. It makes me sick to think of him doing this never mind that's he's probably sleeping with her too or maybe had been the whole time. I don't know. All I know is that I need to keep him as far away from me as possible. That he's made his choices and that he must happy living that life instead of being with us
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
No new contact = no new hurts!!
Not sure given his past history with drugs if you put his name on a birth certificate or not but I would limit his contact with you and and baby as much as the law in your area allows.
I would think that if you denied him access to the baby then he'd have no choice but to take you to court and I don't know many drug addicts/dealers who wish to expose themselves and their habits in a courtroom, but give him enough rope and let him hang himself. Your defense is simple, you don't want an active drug addict/drug dealer in your life or your child's. If and when he can provide proof that he has been clean/sober for a healthy amount of time (1 year) and is no longer dealing drugs you can re-visit the issue but until then you will protect yourself and your child.
Not sure why you allowed him into your home this morning but now the hurt of him texting another woman is playing is your mind..................this is why no new contact = no new hurts.
Set strong boundaries for yourself and never feel obligated that you have to answer the door when he knocks or the phone when he calls.
Not sure given his past history with drugs if you put his name on a birth certificate or not but I would limit his contact with you and and baby as much as the law in your area allows.
I would think that if you denied him access to the baby then he'd have no choice but to take you to court and I don't know many drug addicts/dealers who wish to expose themselves and their habits in a courtroom, but give him enough rope and let him hang himself. Your defense is simple, you don't want an active drug addict/drug dealer in your life or your child's. If and when he can provide proof that he has been clean/sober for a healthy amount of time (1 year) and is no longer dealing drugs you can re-visit the issue but until then you will protect yourself and your child.
Not sure why you allowed him into your home this morning but now the hurt of him texting another woman is playing is your mind..................this is why no new contact = no new hurts.
Set strong boundaries for yourself and never feel obligated that you have to answer the door when he knocks or the phone when he calls.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 88
Wise words alatose thankyou. You are of course right. I let him into my home with the ridiculous notion of maybe seeing/hearing something different. Pathetic of me and your right I should never have allowed him in or contact. Just makes me so angry. I'm learning old habits hard to break. Keep needing to hear all your wise words and experiences to keep me strong. I find it hard to say no to people and not answering the door or phone is hard for me and feels wrong if that makes sense. Seeing the addict and the behaviour as one rather than its not his fault it's the drugs that made him act like this. I'm getting there
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