Sarahas

This might seem like a silly question...but can an addict feel love or be in love with someone. I know their addiction comes first, but can they have other or feel other emotions?

PeacefulWater12

Thanks for asking this question. It prompted me think.

I am pretty unsure about it but as at this day in my stage of recovery, I would say that when I was actively drinking no I could not love. Didn't know how. It was all about chasing the chemical I needed. I did not love my parents. Not they I. Both addicts. To me, they were just people. I had no emotional attachment.

I was with both when they passed away. I felt nothing. Haven't since either.

My husband is still actively drinking. I don't love him (as far as I can tell) and he doesn't love me.

We were attracted to each other, in my opinion, because our respective dysfunction fitted together perfectly. Like pieces in a jigsaw. A dysfunctional jigsaw.

I don't know if this is of any help to you, I hope so.

HardLessons

From my experience & in my humble opinion - yes they can love other people but it is in their own way. In their own way is complicated & is probably not easy for us to understand.

As far as them loving other things not people related - well yes - a big yes.

KRae121012

As a recovering addict, I can tell you that I definitely thought I loved someone romantically, but when the relationship ended I felt nothing. I still feel nothing about it. I think it's because I was using our entire relationship.
On the other hand, I had met someone prior to my addiction really taking off and definitely loved him. For me, in very active addiction, I didn't truly fall in love- even when I thought I had. I think addiction places a barrier between the addicted person and other people. I think it would be very difficult for an active addict to form a new bond during addiction. Addiction is the opposite of connection.

I can only speak for myself though

AnvilheadII

Can addicts love?

Can bears hug?

yes they can, but i'm not going to wait in that line for my turn...........

zoso77

Depends on the day of the week and the mood they're in.

Kidding aside...this is a loaded question. I believe they're capable of the emotion. It just happens to take a back seat to feeding the beast that is their addiction. Whether it's parental love, platonic love, romantic love, and everything in between, the addiction comes first. Full stop.

Girl1101

They love their drug of choice more. You do not want to get caught up in that love triangle.

Sarahas

As I stated in my original post, I know their drug comes first...I was curious to know if they fall in love or feel love like someone who doesn’t use..

OpheliaKatz

I suspect they don't feel any emotion like someone who doesn't use. My AH told me that without the drug he felt bad all the time. After he started taking anti-depressants, and he was still taking the drug, he said that he felt numb if he didn't drug himself.

SmallButMighty

I believe that addicts can love. But it's not in a pure way, it gets poisoned by the substance.

Unfortunately while they are numbing out their pain/chaos/damage they are also numbing the positive things in their lives too, most notably love and relationships.

It's a devastating disease, both for them and those of us who love them. I have found it best for my health to love the addicts/alcoholics in my life from a distance.

Sarahas

I guess I’m just asking this because I became very good friends with someone through my work. It Seems almost like a natural process and all the typical stereotypes you hear or witness from an addict, he doesn’t have. He is very genuine and respectful with me, it’s been 8 months of slowly getting to know each other and we seem to be growing. I have very strong feelings towards him and he seems to have the same, which is why I’m wondering what kind of feelings could he have towards someone else.

Missmac35

I can relate to your experience with the person you are growing close to. I believed my ex abf was different to other addicts as he was so genuine (I thought) caring and an all round nice guy who appeared to go out his way to help people. He also showed me what I thought to be genuine love and real feelings. It felt real and I'm sure it was. However. It came from a place of motivation. Soon I began uncovering his lies, his addiction spiralled as it does since addiction is progressive. The more I discovered the more his mask slipped and the more I saw the REAL him. The ACT of the nice guy and the person who would do anything for others. Really he just wanted his cake and to eat it. Telling me nice things and promising the world while all along going behind my back to sell and take drugs. I found needles in my home crack pipes in the car. But he was so loving!!! I had some of the best days of my life with him for sure but I was blinded by the falseness, unable to see his one true love was drugs. So yes I believe addicts can love but I also believe it's from the wrong place and not a congruent genuine sacrificing love. Their drug of choice is the receiver of that love. Please be careful with your heart regarding this addict you have feelings for. X

SparkleKitty

People tend to be on their very best behavior at work. How much do you know of his life outside the workplace?

It is my experience that the ultimate aim of using is to numb all of one's emotions, even love. It is also my experience that people who cannot love themselves cannot give true love to others, and if there's a stronger expression of lack of self-love than addiction, I'm not sure what it is.

We all wanted to believe the addicts in our lives were different from all of the other addicts. Then we came here and found out how much they were the same.

Missmac35

"We all wanted to believe the addicts in our lives were different from all of the other addicts. Then we came here and found out how much they were the same."


Ain't that the truth!

Sarahas

He is a heroin addict, he doesn’t have to hide it from me. He is on a program that we have here in Canada where they get prescription heroin from a clinic. It is for chronic users where suboxne or methadone doesn’t help. I work in an area where he lives and he is very honest with me, never asks for anything...I know who he is and I’m not trying to change him, we have a relationship that isn’t all about using, he makes a point to come see me everyday and we talk about regular life stuff...we have a lot in common.... it’s nice.

OpheliaKatz

This basically says what I was trying to say, thank you for writing this.

"I had some of the best days of my life with him for sure but I was blinded by the falseness, unable to see his one true love was drugs. So yes I believe addicts can love but I also believe it's from the wrong place and not a congruent genuine sacrificing love. Their drug of choice is the receiver of that love. Please be careful with your heart regarding this addict you have feelings for."

SparkleKitty

Well, he is still using heroin. Every day. That in and of itself will alter a person's personality and outlook. It will still numb him from having a present emotional life, and therefore from being a truly present emotional partner in any relationship.

There are a lot of nice people in the world who do not take drugs everyday to feel normal. Just something to consider.

HardLessons

I have a lot of personal experience with heroine addiction. I was not the heroine user.

I have read about the heroine clinic program in Canada. Its all about harm reduction. An addict is able to get controlled quality heroine & clean needles. Be able to use in a clean safe environment. But the bottom line he is an active heroine user. Heroine is an extremely powerful destructive drug. There is no such thing as "stability" for an active heroine user.

From your other posts, you have been down this road before - yes?

Please carefully consider entering into a relationship with a heroine user. From my experience that rabbit hole goes very very deep.

Thanks

HardLessons

Sarahas

I just read your other thread concerning this same guy. In that thread I read (re-read) that he is also using other street drugs in addition to heroine. Other drugs in the mix is common.

You also have other threads concerning relationships with active addicts.

At least concerning this particular guy you are way more fortunate than I was. You have been given a lot of great advice, hopefully prior to proceeding in developing this relationship. I was not so fortunate to have that knowledge & advice before proceeding with my relationship.

If you proceed, I think, the SR username HardLessons2 is available. You may want to consider reserving it for future use! Unfortunately, based on what you have written, you will most likely need it.

Thanks

atalose

I'm guessing that since you found the need to ask if they can love that you are experiencing feelings of uncertainty. From the start of this relationship you have experienced uncertainly and confusion regarding him and his behaviors. I think all the responses you have received in these past 5 months have been excellent,

My personal belief is starting a relationship with a known drug user is like lighting the fuse to the dynamite keg, it's only a matter of time before it all blows up .