Frustrated
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 60
Frustrated
Just need to share my frustrations somewhere.... he's still clean but has driven me crazy today. Please feel free to tell me if i have been unreasonable or my expectations are too much!
Me and kids went to see my family whilst he got a hair cut, loaded dishwasher and had a nap. All fine still. Get to this evening, and I'm trying to help 2 oldest kids with homework that they don't understand- I ask him to watch the toddler. Toddler keeps marching in, so i wait to give him a chance to get her- I have to call him because he's sat on the sofa.( I'm frustrated but dealing with it at This point)This happened at least 3 times in 10 minutes! I then suggest that he baths toddler as it is bedtime- this is where I get fed up - he says he would rather watch me do it this time so he knows how to next time! This is his third child!!!! When kids are all in bed, and he knows im annoyed he then tells me how hard his day is and that I'm selfish and need to wake up!
So so fed up and frustrated at it all.
Me and kids went to see my family whilst he got a hair cut, loaded dishwasher and had a nap. All fine still. Get to this evening, and I'm trying to help 2 oldest kids with homework that they don't understand- I ask him to watch the toddler. Toddler keeps marching in, so i wait to give him a chance to get her- I have to call him because he's sat on the sofa.( I'm frustrated but dealing with it at This point)This happened at least 3 times in 10 minutes! I then suggest that he baths toddler as it is bedtime- this is where I get fed up - he says he would rather watch me do it this time so he knows how to next time! This is his third child!!!! When kids are all in bed, and he knows im annoyed he then tells me how hard his day is and that I'm selfish and need to wake up!
So so fed up and frustrated at it all.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
How much of a hands on helper was he with the 2 older kids while they were toddlers?
A good friend of mine's husband was never a good helper with the kids because he was always drinking and or passed out. They had a child unexpected later in life after him having years of sobriety. She discovered that he really didn't know how to handle a baby or toddler, he felt unsure so he tended to shy away. Once she understood where he was coming from she was more understanding and it was a new journey they both took together.
A good friend of mine's husband was never a good helper with the kids because he was always drinking and or passed out. They had a child unexpected later in life after him having years of sobriety. She discovered that he really didn't know how to handle a baby or toddler, he felt unsure so he tended to shy away. Once she understood where he was coming from she was more understanding and it was a new journey they both took together.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 60
The frustrating thing is that during his years of using he was hands on with the other kids and before that, as a teenager, with his younger siblings.
I thought it was laziness, but thinking about it now maybe in his clean state he is questioning his ability. He is very new to being clean this time and seems to lack motivation and belief in himself.
Now I feel like I have been overly harsh! Thank you for your input atalose, it has been very helpful!
I thought it was laziness, but thinking about it now maybe in his clean state he is questioning his ability. He is very new to being clean this time and seems to lack motivation and belief in himself.
Now I feel like I have been overly harsh! Thank you for your input atalose, it has been very helpful!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
while i do think he's slacking a bit, remember just getting sober doesn't make men superdad. or superyardman. or super anything.
there isn't much too bathing a toddler, just make sure the water isn't too high, they go in feet first, and then you never take your eye OFF them til they are out of the water. i think that last part might be key......while he was "watching" the toddler earlier, he wasn't paying attention and was stuck to the couch. he didn't wish to be bothered.
he'll either start to wake up to the world around and the family around him, or he won't. more shall be revealed. i know you would love to have a true helper and partner, but what you see is what you get.
there isn't much too bathing a toddler, just make sure the water isn't too high, they go in feet first, and then you never take your eye OFF them til they are out of the water. i think that last part might be key......while he was "watching" the toddler earlier, he wasn't paying attention and was stuck to the couch. he didn't wish to be bothered.
he'll either start to wake up to the world around and the family around him, or he won't. more shall be revealed. i know you would love to have a true helper and partner, but what you see is what you get.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 60
Thank you for your reply anvill. I am slowly coming to the realisation that my expectations are too high and change is a long process!!
Yes bathing a toddler really is that simple - the ironic thing is that he was more helpful when he was using!!
More will be revealed in time... I just need to develop the patience to wait!
Yes bathing a toddler really is that simple - the ironic thing is that he was more helpful when he was using!!
More will be revealed in time... I just need to develop the patience to wait!
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