HurricaneJ

Things were good. We were happy. Then he left sober living and things immediately changed. He didn’t laugh anymore. He became so distant. I think there was a relapse in there but I can’t tell you exactly when.

Today when we talked on the phone, when I asked how things were going it sounded like he got choked up & then said he had to go. It’s been like this for 5 months now. Before he would at least tell me what was wrong, but now it's like he can't find the words, or like talking about it makes him sad...or maybe even that talking to me makes him sad.

He's just so dispondent. I try to not take it personally, but he just seems so lost.

I was/ am such a faithful person. However, I find myself angry at God a little bit lately for all of this. I feel like he (the addict) took something from me in a way. Like all the months of things being good weren’t worth it if they just end up like this. Why can’t he just be normal?

I’m 28. As cheesy as it sounds, I want the picket fence & the kids & the happy life in the suburbs. I literally can’t go through the recovery roller coaster again. I want to have a life. I want stability and happiness, not some guy who’s going to ignore me until his high wears off.

I don’t know. I guess I’m mix of frustrated, angry, sad, and confused. I just needed to share.

maia1234

H,
We get it, just another disappointment. I am so sorry, as you always are on pins and needles waiting for the rug to be pulled out again, when you are dealing with an addict.

So you have been waiting and waiting. What have you been doing for you? Are you attending any support meetings, are you seeing a therapist? Sitting around waiting for an addict to do "good" could be a long wait. You are 29 years old and have a long life to live. Empower yourself, educate yourself about addiction.

I too was very angry with God. I was mad that he wasn't making my world the way I wanted it. I was with my addict for 34 years and God wasn't fixing him to be who I wanted him to be. I fought Gods intentions for a very long time. God was telling me to back off and live my life. Once I accepted that God has a plan for all of us and I was fighting everything, I caved. I couldn't fight the fight any longer. Once I accepted defeat, my life changed. I realized that God was always there helping me, not the addict. I didn't realize that because I was so obsessed with the addict. They say on this forum, that God can help each and every addict, who reaches out for his support. God didn't need my help after all. UGH!!

Education is power, read, go to meetings seek support. Build up your strenth to make the tough decisions that you might need to make in your future.

I am sorry, but sending you hugs!!