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contagion Or All in the family

Old 09-13-2017, 07:45 AM
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contagion Or All in the family

You know, when I come here, it is usually to talk about my stepson. My husband has 3 adult children with xwife number one and ss is the youngest of those children.
Stepdaughter #2 has been lost to drugs and the thug life for a lot of years now. Criminal charges ranging from possession to dealing to stealing to passing counterfeit bills, I cant name it all. She has 3 young children that she has long ago abandoned. And at this stage we have no contact.
My post today isn't about her either, instead its about stepdaughter #1 the oldest at 30. Also 3 children. (she just got the oldest back from state care about a week ago)
She has seen the destruction that has gone on. She has tried to help her siblings to no avail. She hasn't had an easy life from the get go.
But here's the thing... she is now in trouble with meth too.
After all she's seen.
After watching her siblings throw away their children and their futures.... here we go again.
I wish I could go back to the days of NOT Recognizing it. I dont WANT to be able to know by seeing the difference between a heroin addict and a meth head. I dont want to see 3 MORE of my grandkids thrown away.
She's deep enough in, that words dont matter, there is no talking an addict out of active addiction.
There is no more denying she IS an active meth addict.
It is so so awful. My heart is breaking again.
How is it that they have ALL turned into addicts??? WTF?
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Old 09-13-2017, 09:34 AM
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Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot even imagine.

I wish I could answer the why, but I cannot.

Sending hugs and support!
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Old 09-13-2017, 10:04 AM
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I've been having the same thoughts watching my ANephew spiraling down, further than ever having 'upgraded' from prescription opiates to heroin or so I've heard - but with his behavior lately it's probably true.

How can he do this, make this choice? He watched his father's addiction mess up the family and die way too young because of drugs (not from them, but someone under the influence literally sank the boat). AN was only 8 when his dad died, so he was too young to see that drugs stole his father, but after a couple of rehabs he's been educated as to this stuff.

He went to rehab and after his mother told me "I had my sweet boy back." Who knows why anyone picks up again, it's definitely a choice.

The easy choice is to immediately numb the craziness going on inside your head by using.

The hard choice is to learn how to get through an episode of anxiety or regret or depression or fear without using. I made the hard choice and it took forever, but I no longer shriek at sudden noises, can hold down a job longer than four months, those are two major things I could not do before I started talking type therapy.
It's not only our family, I've seen so many addicted parents with addicted children and then things get really crazy... My brothers chose addiction, I ended up supremely messed up (PTSD, yada yada...) and struggle with alcohol but mostly I'm sober, except for antidepressants but those keep me alive.

I was in my 20s in the '80s, and I was offered plenty of coke, but I'd already seen what drugs and alcohol were doing to the family AND I already knew I was messed up and didn't really want to get more messed up so I always just said no. I'm glad for that.
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Old 09-13-2017, 12:18 PM
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It's mind boggling. My xagf came from a background of addiction that resulted in suicide of her step mother. Her sister is an addict in prison. Her step brother is an addict, and get brother is a hardcore abuser. She's seen the damage heroin and meth cause. First hand watching it rip apart her family.

Yet she went down the road willingly at age 37.

I come from a background of addiction. My mother was a nasty alcoholic, my brother and sister both married addicts, resulting in one suicide of my sister in law. Both my brother and I have abused hard drugs for a length of time, but stopped of our own accord.

I just don't get it.
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:22 PM
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How is it that they have ALL turned into addicts??? WTF?
That's the $60,000 question that has vexed people for a long, long time. The key to getting past it with your sanity intact is to sidestep it and not try to figure it out. Because you can't figure it out. All you can do is to manage yourself, hope and pray for the best, but prepare for the worst.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's awful.
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Old 09-14-2017, 08:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Sephra View Post
You know, when I come here, it is usually to talk about my stepson. My husband has 3 adult children with xwife number one and ss is the youngest of those children.
Stepdaughter #2 has been lost to drugs and the thug life for a lot of years now. Criminal charges ranging from possession to dealing to stealing to passing counterfeit bills, I cant name it all. She has 3 young children that she has long ago abandoned. And at this stage we have no contact.
My post today isn't about her either, instead its about stepdaughter #1 the oldest at 30. Also 3 children. (she just got the oldest back from state care about a week ago)
She has seen the destruction that has gone on. She has tried to help her siblings to no avail. She hasn't had an easy life from the get go.
But here's the thing... she is now in trouble with meth too.
After all she's seen.
After watching her siblings throw away their children and their futures.... here we go again.
I wish I could go back to the days of NOT Recognizing it. I dont WANT to be able to know by seeing the difference between a heroin addict and a meth head. I dont want to see 3 MORE of my grandkids thrown away.
She's deep enough in, that words dont matter, there is no talking an addict out of active addiction.
There is no more denying she IS an active meth addict.
It is so so awful. My heart is breaking again.
How is it that they have ALL turned into addicts??? WTF?
I know what you mean, about wishing you could go back to not recognizing it. I hate that I now find myself scanning people's pupils. I don't really feel safe around anyone anymore. Certainly don't feel that my kids are safe with anyone other than myself. I hate that I feel the need to drug test any potential love interests, and that that makes me look paranoid and probably a little crazy in their eyes.

It's hard knowing the truth. And it really does seem to be contagious. I don't know that I believe it's genetic, though. I just think if it's around, you're more likely to try it. There have been lots of instances of people coming from families with no substance abuse problems, falling into the wrong crowds, and developing addictions.

Anyway, I really am sorry for what you're going through. Hang in there.
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