Pulled into the consequences of his choices
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Join Date: May 2017
Location: Winnetka. ca
Posts: 30
Pulled into the consequences of his choices
My son has 2 dogs who he cannot support or properly care for. He's living with another addict and there's too many dogs. His latest post was a painful missive about not being able to keep his beloved dogs anymore and asking for help to find them new homes or make money to fix his truck so he can leave and keep them.
My only exposure to his life these days are posts on social media, which trigger my emotional rescuing response to the point of causing physical pain. He hasn't contacted me since it became clear I wasn't helping him anymore after he called a few times and I was kind but firm in my boundaries.
My heart breaks for him and those dogs, who didn't ask for this. I can't rescue him anymore. I'm breaking the cycle. The thing that's even worse is he was offered high paying work by his father but was too proud (or loaded?) to accept it. The whole family knows his choices have lead to the type of life that can no long be responsible for pets. No one else will help him, no matter how sad his posts are and I bet I'm the only one who's shedding a tear reading it.
I know addicts alienate themselves when we put up boundaries. This is where I'd usually step in try to bail him out or throw money at the problem and since I'm not, it hurts. It hurts to see innocent doggies (who I can't keep) suffer and to feel his grief at having to give them away. Those dogs seemed like the only reason he had to wake up in the morning. He's already lost his home, girlfriend and me and the rest of the family is just detaching.
Do I step in to help because it's the dogs who will suffer? Or to I continue to stand back and allow the consequences to pile up?
My only exposure to his life these days are posts on social media, which trigger my emotional rescuing response to the point of causing physical pain. He hasn't contacted me since it became clear I wasn't helping him anymore after he called a few times and I was kind but firm in my boundaries.
My heart breaks for him and those dogs, who didn't ask for this. I can't rescue him anymore. I'm breaking the cycle. The thing that's even worse is he was offered high paying work by his father but was too proud (or loaded?) to accept it. The whole family knows his choices have lead to the type of life that can no long be responsible for pets. No one else will help him, no matter how sad his posts are and I bet I'm the only one who's shedding a tear reading it.
I know addicts alienate themselves when we put up boundaries. This is where I'd usually step in try to bail him out or throw money at the problem and since I'm not, it hurts. It hurts to see innocent doggies (who I can't keep) suffer and to feel his grief at having to give them away. Those dogs seemed like the only reason he had to wake up in the morning. He's already lost his home, girlfriend and me and the rest of the family is just detaching.
Do I step in to help because it's the dogs who will suffer? Or to I continue to stand back and allow the consequences to pile up?
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, ArtMachine.
Sorry for your sadness.
I would want to help, too.
But what to do? You can't keep the dogs.
Giving him money for their support, well, you know how that will go.
It sounds like you and other family members are just done.
I wish I had an answer for you. I think you just have to let it play out.
Perhaps he will find a way forward. I hope so, anyway.
Addiction is horrible.
Hugs.
Sorry for your sadness.
I would want to help, too.
But what to do? You can't keep the dogs.
Giving him money for their support, well, you know how that will go.
It sounds like you and other family members are just done.
I wish I had an answer for you. I think you just have to let it play out.
Perhaps he will find a way forward. I hope so, anyway.
Addiction is horrible.
Hugs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Winnetka. ca
Posts: 30
Sadly these are super clingy big dogs, one is a mix and may have a home, one is a pitbull, you know how that goes. Looks like he's getting some support, not from me but social media isn't reality so all the exposure is misleading and distressing... I gotta bail out to stay sane.
"I allow God to handle this today"
"I allow God to handle this today"
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
That would be my suggestion, rescue shelters. If you feel compelled to offer him your services of picking up the dogs and driving them to a pre-destined dog rescue then do it. But check first with the shelter or rescue group to make sure they have room.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by ArtMachine 
My son has 2 dogs who he cannot support or properly care for. He's living with another addict and there's too many dogs. His latest post was a painful missive about not being able to keep his beloved dogs anymore and asking for help to find them new homes or make money to fix his truck so he can leave and keep them.
My only exposure to his life these days are posts on social media, which trigger my emotional rescuing response to the point of causing physical pain. He hasn't contacted me since it became clear I wasn't helping him anymore after he called a few times and I was kind but firm in my boundaries.
My heart breaks for him and those dogs, who didn't ask for this. I can't rescue him anymore. I'm breaking the cycle. The thing that's even worse is he was offered high paying work by his father but was too proud (or loaded?) to accept it. The whole family knows his choices have lead to the type of life that can no long be responsible for pets. No one else will help him, no matter how sad his posts are and I bet I'm the only one who's shedding a tear reading it.
I know addicts alienate themselves when we put up boundaries. This is where I'd usually step in try to bail him out or throw money at the problem and since I'm not, it hurts. It hurts to see innocent doggies (who I can't keep) suffer and to feel his grief at having to give them away. Those dogs seemed like the only reason he had to wake up in the morning. He's already lost his home, girlfriend and me and the rest of the family is just detaching.
Do I step in to help because it's the dogs who will suffer? Or to I continue to stand back and allow the consequences to pile up?
My only exposure to his life these days are posts on social media, which trigger my emotional rescuing response to the point of causing physical pain. He hasn't contacted me since it became clear I wasn't helping him anymore after he called a few times and I was kind but firm in my boundaries.
My heart breaks for him and those dogs, who didn't ask for this. I can't rescue him anymore. I'm breaking the cycle. The thing that's even worse is he was offered high paying work by his father but was too proud (or loaded?) to accept it. The whole family knows his choices have lead to the type of life that can no long be responsible for pets. No one else will help him, no matter how sad his posts are and I bet I'm the only one who's shedding a tear reading it.
I know addicts alienate themselves when we put up boundaries. This is where I'd usually step in try to bail him out or throw money at the problem and since I'm not, it hurts. It hurts to see innocent doggies (who I can't keep) suffer and to feel his grief at having to give them away. Those dogs seemed like the only reason he had to wake up in the morning. He's already lost his home, girlfriend and me and the rest of the family is just detaching.
Do I step in to help because it's the dogs who will suffer? Or to I continue to stand back and allow the consequences to pile up?
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