OpheliaKatz

Britgirl. My exAH was supposed to pick up some stuff he left at my place weeks ago. He had not done this. I have no idea how to contact him (and I am actually afraid to) and I worry that he might be dead. To hear that this has happened to you breaks my heart. I am so sorry that you have to bear this pain. I know you must be wondering if you could have done anything differently, and that is what I would feel too, but please don't blame yourself for anything. It's likely that this would have been the outcome of his life no matter what happened. Addiction kills, eventually. I wish I had no feelings sometimes.

atalose

I am so very sorry. Please know that there was nothing you could have done or said that would make a difference in an active a's life.

britgirl

Thank you all for your support, will reply in more depth later. At the minute I'm struggling to express anything, think I've shut down and am just in survival mode. Just don't know how to deal with this.

PuzzledHeart

britgirl, I'm so sorry for your loss.

There was absolutely nothing you could have done to stop him. It would be like stepping in front of a bullet train and believing that your own strength would be enough to stop it. Unless the person driving the train is willing to pull the brakes, there's nothing you can do but step out of the way and save yourself.

Nobody knows how to deal perfectly with loss. We just do the best we can. Sometimes all we can do is sit with our feelings and acknowledge that they're there (I know, easier said than done.).