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-   -   Feeling empty (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/415508-feeling-empty.html)

TiredDad 09-07-2017 07:41 PM

Feeling empty
 
With the divorce finalized in June things were a bit of chaos for a while with attacks via text off and on from my XAW. They were the waves of nice and nasty for a while.
Finally, the end of July she set up her supervised visits. I was happy for her and our kids that she moved forward with that.
Over the next month she texted many times just for conversation. At one point she stated she still has feelings for me. Hopes of me being in her future.
I can't help but say that tugged real hard on my heart. I did reply that she was in a relationship with a guy and it wasn't rite to discuss feeling for one another under those circumstances.
I believe if she truly felt that way she would be on her own trying to figure her out.
As for me, outside of screens before every visit there is no recovery work. No meetings, no program just the bare min of what's required by the divorce papers.
So 5 weeks in is still an accomplishment.
My oldest recently decide to not go to visits because she's not comfortable. I told her it was ok because that's up to her to process. It's not because of the way visits are. She's just not comfortable with her mom rite now.
I believe she expected recovery work along with all this. That was my daughter's boundary. She wanted mom to do rehab.

It's all so confusing. I still love my XAW. I just had to let my mind run the controls because she's not healthy for me. My brain knows that and with good reason.
I wish my heart would just let go.

I just needed to vent a bit.
Take care,
TD

Ariesagain 09-07-2017 08:26 PM

Trust your brain for now...hearts can be very slow learners, yes?

It's only been a few months. You're bound to be a little shell-shocked and a lot exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Better days are ahead for you and your children. Be gentle with yourself.

Sending you a hug.

Maudcat 09-07-2017 09:39 PM

Hi, Tired.
Well, actions are the thing, aren't they?
Glad your ex wants contact with the kids, but, as you know, caution abounds.
Good thoughts coming your way. Hang in there.

HardLessons 09-08-2017 03:09 AM

TiredDad

I completely understand the continued feelings of love & confusion concerning our addicts.

If there is ever a switch invented whereby you simply flip the switch & the love turns off - I promise I will buy two - one for you & one for me.

I wish you peace.

Eauchiche 09-08-2017 07:42 AM


Originally Posted by hardlessons (Post 6599682)
tireddad

i completely understand the continued feelings of love & confusion concerning our addicts.

If there is ever a switch invented whereby you simply flip the switch & the love turns off - i promise i will buy two - one for you & one for me.

I wish you peace.

^^^^^^ this!!!!

Eauchiche 09-08-2017 07:44 AM

Dear TD
When my ex and I met 30 days ago to draw up the divorce papers, we hugged each other and said we loved each other. Many times people love each other who shouldn't be married.

I absolutely and totally understand your feelings, because I have them too!

I have to congratulate you on the sane, lucid manner you are protecting your kids. The way I se it, you are doing everything right. You aren't letting your decisions be made by your emotions.

dandylion 09-08-2017 09:02 AM

TiredDad.....I like the saying---"When one door closes, another one opens, but, it is hell in the hallway".

By this time next year, you will be looking at the world with a new filter....

hopeful4 09-08-2017 09:30 AM

It takes time.

Hugs to you!

TiredDad 09-10-2017 10:15 AM

Thank you all for your kind replies. It's a difficult road we walk. I feel having this kind of support and understanding has been crucial for me and I'm very thankful.

I must say dandelion, I have never heard the "hell in the hallway " part of that saying. I really liked that.

Take care everyone
TD

OpheliaKatz 09-10-2017 10:45 AM

I want one too, even though I have no love for what my AH has become.


Originally Posted by HardLessons (Post 6599682)
TiredDad

I completely understand the continued feelings of love & confusion concerning our addicts.

If there is ever a switch invented whereby you simply flip the switch & the love turns off - I promise I will buy two - one for you & one for me.

I wish you peace.


HardLessons 09-10-2017 01:49 PM

Ok Ophelia I will get 3 of those love on & off switches As soon as they are available.

Maybe they will come in blue color for the guys & pink color for women

Your In. So don't worry

Thanks

Ann 09-11-2017 10:30 AM

Letting go doesn't mean we stop loving the person, it means we know we can no longer remain in a toxic relationship and have to step back to protect ourselves, our health and in many cases, our children who cannot protect themselves.

I think all the pain needs to be processed before the healing can begin.

We're here to walk with you on good days and bad.

Hugs


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