Please pray for me and my children
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Please pray for me and my children
I finally got the cajones to drug test AXH. I've been terrified to do this, as I've heard him tell friends all the ways he could pass these. I thought for sure he would pass, but felt it necessary to at least show that I exercised the right to test him.
He was a no-show. In our court order, no-show is equal to positive (dirty) test, and changes our custody order, from almost 50/50 to 2 hours supervised visitation per week (for which he must pay).
I couldn't believe it. I thought I finally had the proof to press forward. I've been documenting like crazy- all the messed up things the kids have told me about their visits.
Then I get a message from X. He says he didn't show up for drug testing because he injured his hand. He has x-rays to prove it. Nevermind that his visit took place after he was notified. This m'fer freaking broke his hand to get out of drug testing.
Please pray that the truth will come out. That this sad attempt will only further prove his instability.
Oh, also-I just realized it's his Birthday today. I had completely forgotten that. It was my mom who reminded me. Oh, my goodness. Will that work against me in court? That I withheld visitation on his birthday? But the drug testing was scheduled for yesterday.
Anyway, prayers please. Please, God, let this be the proof I've been waiting for.
He was a no-show. In our court order, no-show is equal to positive (dirty) test, and changes our custody order, from almost 50/50 to 2 hours supervised visitation per week (for which he must pay).
I couldn't believe it. I thought I finally had the proof to press forward. I've been documenting like crazy- all the messed up things the kids have told me about their visits.
Then I get a message from X. He says he didn't show up for drug testing because he injured his hand. He has x-rays to prove it. Nevermind that his visit took place after he was notified. This m'fer freaking broke his hand to get out of drug testing.
Please pray that the truth will come out. That this sad attempt will only further prove his instability.
Oh, also-I just realized it's his Birthday today. I had completely forgotten that. It was my mom who reminded me. Oh, my goodness. Will that work against me in court? That I withheld visitation on his birthday? But the drug testing was scheduled for yesterday.
Anyway, prayers please. Please, God, let this be the proof I've been waiting for.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
It still amazes me the level of insanity the disease will cause someone to do crazy things.
Some of the stories I have heard are mind boggling.
Prayers the truth will be revealed for the safety & sanity for you & your children.
Best wishes
Some of the stories I have heard are mind boggling.
Prayers the truth will be revealed for the safety & sanity for you & your children.
Best wishes
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
He was a no-show. In our court order, no-show is equal to positive (dirty) test, and changes our custody order, from almost 50/50 to 2 hours supervised visitation per week (for which he must pay).
Hold your head high, you are doing all the right things including calling for a test. Please don't let his words hurt you, as was his intention. They are just more proof that you ARE doing the right thing.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
You know, I guess I've been gaslighted so long that I didn't really pick up on this. I mean, I realized he's making excuses. But I didn't really notice that he's blaming it on me.
I suppose him always talking about the ways he could pass these tests were gaslighting, too. Even though he never said these things directly to me, he made sure I heard. Amazing how afraid I was to test him. Thought for sure he would pass and it would only serve to make me look even crazier in the eyes of the court.
I suppose him always talking about the ways he could pass these tests were gaslighting, too. Even though he never said these things directly to me, he made sure I heard. Amazing how afraid I was to test him. Thought for sure he would pass and it would only serve to make me look even crazier in the eyes of the court.
For you and your kids: Sending prayers and positive thoughts; as well, hoping their dad will be held accountable.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs 
You know, I guess I've been gaslighted so long that I didn't really pick up on this. I mean, I realized he's making excuses. But I didn't really notice that he's blaming it on me.
I suppose him always talking about the ways he could pass these tests were gaslighting, too. Even though he never said these things directly to me, he made sure I heard. Amazing how afraid I was to test him. Thought for sure he would pass and it would only serve to make me look even crazier in the eyes of the court.
I suppose him always talking about the ways he could pass these tests were gaslighting, too. Even though he never said these things directly to me, he made sure I heard. Amazing how afraid I was to test him. Thought for sure he would pass and it would only serve to make me look even crazier in the eyes of the court.
Say "No More" and remain mindful that when this happens it is a reflection on him and not you.
YOU are not crazy, you are the clear thinking adult here who is capable of protecting yourself and your children.
You, my dear, have nothing to fear except fear itself.
Hugs
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Ugh. I'm sorry. This is awful. But do your best to focus on the things that you can control. Circumstances will catch up to your AXH soon enough.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs
Update: He sent me his records. A contusion. A freaking bruise! He got x-rays taken for a bruise?!!! Okay...
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by BlownOne
I take xrays for a living. That happens a lot, actually. Still a lame excuse for not manning up and taking a drug test that is court ordered. Must not be real concerned about seeing his child.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Hechosedrugs,
These people will do the craziest thing to protect their addiction and get what they want. They are so manipulative. My STBAXH had no problem injuring himself if that made it look like he wasn't being abusive and was the victim instead. He was very good at looking like a victim. In the end, you know the truth about your AXH, he will make excuses and blame you, make up lies about you, make your life difficult. I hope and pray that you will one day be free of his craziness. Some, but not all, addicts have co-occurring mental health issues or personality disorders. Addiction can be (I'm not saying this is true for everyone) a cry for help or attention. So if he wants to injure his hand and make himself a victim and say you are cruel for not letting him visit his kids on his birthday (what a freaking baby), just smile, say I'm sorry you feel that way, and quietly collect evidence of his craziness in case you need to defend yourself. He knows he can make you upset. He wants that more than he actually wants to see his kids. At some point, the addict has a choice to seek recovery and change their behaviors and make amends. This guy breaks his hand to avoid a drug test. This is not an addict who is safe around your kids. He is manipulative.
These people will do the craziest thing to protect their addiction and get what they want. They are so manipulative. My STBAXH had no problem injuring himself if that made it look like he wasn't being abusive and was the victim instead. He was very good at looking like a victim. In the end, you know the truth about your AXH, he will make excuses and blame you, make up lies about you, make your life difficult. I hope and pray that you will one day be free of his craziness. Some, but not all, addicts have co-occurring mental health issues or personality disorders. Addiction can be (I'm not saying this is true for everyone) a cry for help or attention. So if he wants to injure his hand and make himself a victim and say you are cruel for not letting him visit his kids on his birthday (what a freaking baby), just smile, say I'm sorry you feel that way, and quietly collect evidence of his craziness in case you need to defend yourself. He knows he can make you upset. He wants that more than he actually wants to see his kids. At some point, the addict has a choice to seek recovery and change their behaviors and make amends. This guy breaks his hand to avoid a drug test. This is not an addict who is safe around your kids. He is manipulative.
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs
You know, I guess I've been gaslighted so long that I didn't really pick up on this. I mean, I realized he's making excuses. But I didn't really notice that he's blaming it on me.
I suppose him always talking about the ways he could pass these tests were gaslighting, too. Even though he never said these things directly to me, he made sure I heard. Amazing how afraid I was to test him. Thought for sure he would pass and it would only serve to make me look even crazier in the eyes of the court.
I suppose him always talking about the ways he could pass these tests were gaslighting, too. Even though he never said these things directly to me, he made sure I heard. Amazing how afraid I was to test him. Thought for sure he would pass and it would only serve to make me look even crazier in the eyes of the court.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by OpheliaKatz
This guy breaks his hand to avoid a drug test. This is not an addict who is safe around your kids. He is manipulative.
"I love my kids so much I willingly injured my hand for them."
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Just had a knock on the door. Saw a man holding paperwork. Thought, "Oh, great. He's taking me to court first". (I'm still getting my paperwork and evidence ready to file custody modification. I opened the door.
"Ms. Hecho?"
"Yeah, yeah," I say.
"I've got some paperwork for you.
He hands it to me...
I'm being sued by another credit card company. Because of debt incurred by ex stealing my identity.
Addicts- the gifts that keep on giving.
"Ms. Hecho?"
"Yeah, yeah," I say.
"I've got some paperwork for you.
He hands it to me...
I'm being sued by another credit card company. Because of debt incurred by ex stealing my identity.
Addicts- the gifts that keep on giving.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
If you don't already have a lawyer, it's time to get one before the damage gets worse.
Please get help right away, and file charges for any crimes he committed against you.
It's a rough journey but you will find the strength you need to protect yourself.
You have my prayers as well.
Please get help right away, and file charges for any crimes he committed against you.
It's a rough journey but you will find the strength you need to protect yourself.
You have my prayers as well.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
I can't afford a lawyer anymore. And honestly, the two I had screwed up my case so badly I don't think I want one this time. The seat next to me will be for reserved for Jesus.
I've already filed police reports, which went nowhere. It's not fraud if you're married.
I may stand a chance in court for this phone bill he has under my social, but his name (how the heck did that happen)? He has 6 devices on it. It's probably another source of income for him- he probably has his friends pay him directly for their phones, since they're all deadbeats with no credit to get them themselves. I was just at the phone company yesterday with my social and driver's license. They won't release any info because it's not under my name. Makes me want to sue the phone company. But I don't know if anyone can ever win in court against a corporation.
I'm so exhausted trying to keep up with all of these schemes.
Court's tomorrow (for the custody hearing). May the truth prevail.
I've already filed police reports, which went nowhere. It's not fraud if you're married.
I may stand a chance in court for this phone bill he has under my social, but his name (how the heck did that happen)? He has 6 devices on it. It's probably another source of income for him- he probably has his friends pay him directly for their phones, since they're all deadbeats with no credit to get them themselves. I was just at the phone company yesterday with my social and driver's license. They won't release any info because it's not under my name. Makes me want to sue the phone company. But I don't know if anyone can ever win in court against a corporation.
I'm so exhausted trying to keep up with all of these schemes.
Court's tomorrow (for the custody hearing). May the truth prevail.
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