AnvilheadII

Thank you AriesAgain!

Emotional manipulation can be so subtle and undercover,
it can control you for quite a while before you figure out what’s happening, if you ever do. Some manipulators are highly skilled. They’re described by some as puppet masters, and you could become an unknowing puppet if you don’t know the signs. As your strings are pulled this way and that, you do just what the puppet master wants you to do.

If you’re a victim of manipulation you probably know something is wrong, but you’re not quite sure what. Or you may suspect you’re being manipulated, and you want to know for sure. Maybe you’ve been manipulated in the past, and you don’t want it to happen again.
Knowing if you’re being manipulated is actually easier and more obvious than you might think it is.

While it’s smart to learn the techniques of covert emotional manipulation, the truth is you don’t have to know anything at all about the techniques to know if your strings are being pulled. You only need to look at yourself to know if manipulation is at play.

If you are in a relationship and notice some of the following 20 signs, there is a high probability you are being manipulated:

*Your joy at finding love has turned into the fear of losing it. Things got off to a great start, and you’re not sure what went wrong. Your feelings have gone from happiness and euphoria to anxiety, sadness and even desperation.

*Your mood depends entirely on the state of the relationship.

*You are unhappy in your relationship a lot of the time… yet you dread losing it because you’re blissfully happy every now and then.

*You feel like you’re sabotaging the best thing that ever happened to you, but you’re not sure how.

*Your relationship feels very complex, although you’re not sure why. When talking to your friends about it, you might find yourself saying “It’s hard to explain. It’s just really…complicated.”

*You obsess about the relationship. You endlessly analyze every aspect of it as you desperately try to “figure it out.” You talk about it constantly, to whomever will listen. None of this gets you anywhere.

*You never feel sure of where you stand with your partner, which leaves you in a perpetual state of uncertainty and anxiety.

*You frequently ask your partner if something’s wrong. It really does feel as if something’s wrong, but you’re not sure what it is.

*You seem to be on the defensive an awful lot. You find yourself feeling misunderstood, so you feel the need to explain and defend yourself.

*You seem to have developed a problem with trust, jealousy or insecurity, which your partner points out to you on a regular basis.

*You feel that you just don’t know how to make your partner happy. You try hard but nothing seems to work, at least not for long.

*Expressing negative thoughts and emotions feels restricted or even forbidden, so you try to keep those things hidden. You feel frustrated a lot, though, because important things go unsaid.

*You feel inadequate. You don’t feel as good about yourself as you did before the relationship. You feel less confident, less secure, less intelligent, less sane, less trusting, or in any way “less than” what you were before.

*You always feel you’re falling short of your partner’s expectations.

*You find yourself apologizing a lot.

*You often feel guilty. You continually try to repair the damage you believe you’ve caused. You blame yourself for your partner pulling away from you. You can’t understand why you keep sabotaging the relationship.

*You carefully control your words, actions and emotions around your partner to keep him or her from withdrawing their affection again.

*Your suppressed feelings build inside of you, and sometimes you erupt like a volcano. You’ve never acted this way before. You can’t seem to help it, and it only makes things worse.

*You do things you aren’t really comfortable with or that go against your values, limits or boundaries, in order to make your partner happy and keep the relationship intact.

How to Tell if You?re Being Manipulated | Psychopaths and Love

HardLessons

I read each of the 20 signs of manipulation carefully.

Answering realistically as possible. I picked yes to a solid 19. One was a maybe because I have never discussed these problems with friends

Yes I have been manipulated by my addict. At first I didn't know it was happening. After about a year or so. I knew it was happening.

I told her many times. If you need something just cry. If you need something big both you & daughter cry. If you need to cry & cant cry jab a thumb tack in your leg or have your BF pull your hair Swear to god that is the truth

Thank you for the above quality information.

AnvilheadII

what is it they say about the frog and boiling water?

The premise is that if a frog is put suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death. The story is often used as a metaphor for the inability or unwillingness of people to react to or be aware of threats that arise gradually.

Maudcat

Thanks, Anvil. Good post. Think we have all been there at some time.

HardLessons

Great analogy concerning. The frog. Also very true

It was so wonderful being in that tepid water. I think my tepid water had bubble bath in it too. It was just wonderful

That is until they jacked the heat to high. Killer high

Ann

My son manipulated me for years and years because I allowed it. This list applies to any loved one, partner, child, or friend.

^^^This! HE would cause the trouble and somehow "I" ended up apologizing...total dysfunction at its worst.

"Dysfunction" was my comfort zone, it's what I knew. I knew what to expect and I knew how to react to remain afloat in the sea of dysfunction. I soon lost sight of land, all my friends and family, the life I once knew and the person I used to be, and I became lost floundering at sea but still thought it wasn't "that bad". It was.

I am grateful for recovery, for those who went before me and showed me the way. And for each of you who walk with me each day, for that I am more grateful than ever.

Thanks for this, Anvil, as usual you poked my brain and got it churning.

Hugs

SmallButMighty

Good article. I certainly lived that life for far too long. I was both manipulated AND I was manipulative myself. Yay for for the alkie/codie marriage! (not)

I now know that if an active addict/alcoholic is talking (or texting), they are most likely manipulating the situation. Doesn't matter in what context.. work, home, health, parent, child, spouse etc.... it's all: "blah, blah, bah, me, me, me, quack, quack, quack."

Anaya

I agree, good article.

As to your points - I identify.

TiredDad

Great post!
I felt most all of them. It's almost strange to read.
Is this in the sticky's?

splendra

There was a time where I would have answered yes to every one of these.
I am very hard headed and it took me a long time to get recovery.
It is my hope that the message of recovery will reach you all and that all will be able to apply it. Bless you all be gentle with yourselves if I can get recovery anyone can.

Ann

(((Splendra))) How great to see you!!!

splendra

Back at you ((((Ann))))

Mango blast

***bump***

ArtMachine

Oh Jeez, I do these things with my current partner who IS NOT a manipulator, because of ingrained habits from dealing with SO MANY in my past, including my son... so much personal work to do... I am worthy of improving and accepting this new info with a desire to change the things I can ....

whydoomedlove

I've experienced at least 90% of patterns listed but I have a question. Are these pertaining to non-alcoholic/non-substance abusing individuals? Are these behaviors in correlation to their addiction? Is it MAGNIFIED to the zillionth power when the manipulator is actively using? I guess it doesn't matter, does it? If they exhibit these behaviors, you should cut ties.

Anaya

whydoomedlove Yes, to where you wrote, "If they exhibit these behaviors, you should cut ties."

I have not gone no contact and though I do have and keep boundaries, I must admit sometimes (especially over the recent holidays with lots of contact with family and friends while the manipulator was also present at those events) I don't enforce boundaries, and then I get "in trouble" ... in trouble meaning I put myself back in the crosshairs of the manipulator.

HardLessons

I miss AvilHead She helped me a lot. Hope she is doing well

SparkleKitty

Thanks for reminding me to reach out and check in on how she's doing. Been awhile.

thequest

Good manipulators are good liars & actors who turn into to grifters. If they are talking to you they are waiting for the opportunity to slip what they want into the conversation.

Had a family manipulator who basically wound up running long cons. Every word, ask or conversation was part of a plan or attempt to get what they wanted from me and others. He was/is a seed planter because they didn't like asking for favors so they use the take pity on me approach wether it be for a ride or money. They play the victim or a victim alot.

They will also do the same to friends, bosses, landlords or anyone they do business with. They will always be working an angle just like grifters do.

Anaya

And keeping eyes open and boundaries in place can make such a difference. See how quickly they'll let you alone, once they realize they're not getting anything, that you cannot be fooled.