Upteenth breakup and still so sad....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 31
Upteenth breakup and still so sad....
I'm new here, but over the last week I have spent many hours on this site as it has helped me cope with such a difficult decision. I have been with an addict for 3 years. Im he has kept it hidden very well and I know I will never know the extent of his use but I know what it has done to me. I have become and anxious insecure woman who I no longer recognize. If he doesn't text when he says, when he doesn't spend the night with me, when he's just unavailable, my mind goes crazy with thoughts that he is using. I don't know if I'm insecure or that my instincts are speaking to me. He has put me through a song and dance of relapses many times over these pst three years however last October got into an outpt suboxone program. I was so happy but to be honest he still behaves in such secretive ways. I have become a sleuth not a girlfriend. I hate who I've become here and yet I'm still convinced I love this person. It's been a week since I've decided I can't do this to myself anymore and have left this relationship once and for all. I just have these fleeting thoughts of what if...did I over exaggerate?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Lisapurdue 
I'm new here, but over the last week I have spent many hours on this site as it has helped me cope with such a difficult decision. I have been with an addict for 3 years. Im he has kept it hidden very well and I know I will never know the extent of his use but I know what it has done to me. I have become and anxious insecure woman who I no longer recognize. If he doesn't text when he says, when he doesn't spend the night with me, when he's just unavailable, my mind goes crazy with thoughts that he is using. I don't know if I'm insecure or that my instincts are speaking to me. He has put me through a song and dance of relapses many times over these pst three years however last October got into an outpt suboxone program. I was so happy but to be honest he still behaves in such secretive ways. I have become a sleuth not a girlfriend. I hate who I've become here and yet I'm still convinced I love this person. It's been a week since I've decided I can't do this to myself anymore and have left this relationship once and for all. I just have these fleeting thoughts of what if...did I over exaggerate?
I'm sorry. For your situation. I am currently going through. What you are. I am new here. &. I posted my story. Yesterday.
I have been reading this forum for months I finally got the courage. To post
I am also. Dealing with a flood of emotions. Searching for answers
I honestly. Believe. You made a good. Big. First step. In that. You. Recognize. You have a problem. (As I recently did). Posted here. & are looking for help
I wish I could ease your pain. It will take time. It's a process. We have to go through
We are both. Touched. By. A. Very. Ugly. Disease. Addiction
I am here to help anyway I can. I wish you all the best
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
by the way
Do keep reading. On this forum. There is a lot of great. Advice. Knowledge. Will. Help you to some extent
If his mind is set on using he will use regardless. Of. What you say or do. I learned that lesson. The hard way
It is scary when we are out of touch with them. Our minds race with consequences
My mind has gotten very messed up from it all. I am craving. Contact &. Drama. Every time my phone. Buzzes with an email or text. My heart stops.
I have gotten a lot of good advice. Candid hard advice. Deep Thought Provoking advice & comments. You. Will. Get the same
Do keep reading. On this forum. There is a lot of great. Advice. Knowledge. Will. Help you to some extent
If his mind is set on using he will use regardless. Of. What you say or do. I learned that lesson. The hard way
It is scary when we are out of touch with them. Our minds race with consequences
My mind has gotten very messed up from it all. I am craving. Contact &. Drama. Every time my phone. Buzzes with an email or text. My heart stops.
I have gotten a lot of good advice. Candid hard advice. Deep Thought Provoking advice & comments. You. Will. Get the same
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 55
Hi. I'm also new to this forum but am finding great comfort already. I'm finding out so much about addiction even though some of it is hard reading.
I've been in a relationship with a heroin addict for two years. I say heroin but crack and Valium are very much in the picture too.
Unfortunately i have lost everything due to his drug habit. £20000 in savings, my car, jewellery and I'm also now £25,000 in debt when I had none.
I'm sorry to hear what you're experiencing but please know you're not alone in experiencing this. I'm going through exactly the same. It came to a head 4 weeks ago when he just cut me dead. I never gave him the money he needed for drugs in order to be ok to have his daughters for tea and because he knew that I knew how big a deal this was for him, I'm being blamed for not helping. He has since phoned but I missed the call. I texted and asked him why he called and he said he was sorry and that it was a mistake. My head is all over the place. The people I've spoken to on here have helped me greatly.
People with addictions, and this has taken me a long time to realise, are simply not like us. Their worlds are different and reading threads on here, especially the perspectives of addicts has helped me see this. It's heartbreaking because we truly love our partners but I don't know now if he ever did love me. I've been driving myself absolutely crazy, going over and over everything all day every day. I've no motivation, just lying on my bed all day thinking and thinking. I also lost my job because of my partner bug I'll not go into that.
I actually forced myself to put on my make up and do my hair today and I actually left the house and I feel so much better. I'm taking advice from people on here and I loved the post about getting through this one day at a time by saying "I'll not contact him, just for today."
I think the time comes when we have to walk away, as hard as that is but until they decide to change their lives, nothing's going to get better. We are going to make ourselves ill with nerves, anxiety, depression etc. It is so hard I know. I just want to text him or call but I know I can't. He has his own ring and text tone and all I want is to hear them but I know it will get better and we will get stronger. I'm terrified of hearing that's he's dead but I can't control it. I've done nothing but be supportive and done everything I could for him. He has a very fragile relationship with his family and I was very much his only support and I do worry about him.
Please stay strong and look after yourself. I don't think there's any happy ever after with an addict. We have to let go - unless they decide to stop and we can help and support them with that. I'm sure you'll find strength through this forum. Keep talking on here.
Good luck
I've been in a relationship with a heroin addict for two years. I say heroin but crack and Valium are very much in the picture too.
Unfortunately i have lost everything due to his drug habit. £20000 in savings, my car, jewellery and I'm also now £25,000 in debt when I had none.
I'm sorry to hear what you're experiencing but please know you're not alone in experiencing this. I'm going through exactly the same. It came to a head 4 weeks ago when he just cut me dead. I never gave him the money he needed for drugs in order to be ok to have his daughters for tea and because he knew that I knew how big a deal this was for him, I'm being blamed for not helping. He has since phoned but I missed the call. I texted and asked him why he called and he said he was sorry and that it was a mistake. My head is all over the place. The people I've spoken to on here have helped me greatly.
People with addictions, and this has taken me a long time to realise, are simply not like us. Their worlds are different and reading threads on here, especially the perspectives of addicts has helped me see this. It's heartbreaking because we truly love our partners but I don't know now if he ever did love me. I've been driving myself absolutely crazy, going over and over everything all day every day. I've no motivation, just lying on my bed all day thinking and thinking. I also lost my job because of my partner bug I'll not go into that.
I actually forced myself to put on my make up and do my hair today and I actually left the house and I feel so much better. I'm taking advice from people on here and I loved the post about getting through this one day at a time by saying "I'll not contact him, just for today."
I think the time comes when we have to walk away, as hard as that is but until they decide to change their lives, nothing's going to get better. We are going to make ourselves ill with nerves, anxiety, depression etc. It is so hard I know. I just want to text him or call but I know I can't. He has his own ring and text tone and all I want is to hear them but I know it will get better and we will get stronger. I'm terrified of hearing that's he's dead but I can't control it. I've done nothing but be supportive and done everything I could for him. He has a very fragile relationship with his family and I was very much his only support and I do worry about him.
Please stay strong and look after yourself. I don't think there's any happy ever after with an addict. We have to let go - unless they decide to stop and we can help and support them with that. I'm sure you'll find strength through this forum. Keep talking on here.
Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 31
he gets angry because I still have trust issues despite the fact he is in a suboxone treatment plan. I just cannot trust this person...and his anger tells me he's hiding something..plus wanting to spend time alone..all red flags
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Cody
I was glad to hear. that. You fixed your hair & make up. &. Got out today. And that helped. Some
I was moping. around the house this morning. But did get myself cleaned up. And went out to run errands for a while. It did help me. Some. Too
I'm not having. A good day today. My mind is troubled. But I am getting. By
The. Greatest gift you gave your addict. Was your love. Hopefully. One day he will. Come to recognize. Just how lucky. He was. To be given such a precious gift
Please take care of yourself
I was glad to hear. that. You fixed your hair & make up. &. Got out today. And that helped. Some
I was moping. around the house this morning. But did get myself cleaned up. And went out to run errands for a while. It did help me. Some. Too
I'm not having. A good day today. My mind is troubled. But I am getting. By
The. Greatest gift you gave your addict. Was your love. Hopefully. One day he will. Come to recognize. Just how lucky. He was. To be given such a precious gift
Please take care of yourself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by Cody11
I meant to say that after I never gave him the money, he cut me dead for two weeks, he just completely ignored my texts, then he phoned but says it was a mistake.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Endings are sad and emotions run high and off the rails and very normal when a relationship ends. Grieving is a process that takes time to work through all of those emotions. If we stop that process by running back it only relieves the pain temporarily until all of that anxiety and stress begins again.
I think you have made a hard decision but a healthy one for yourself by ending it. Because from what you described, it was not a happy relationship for you for the most part.
Give al-anon or nar-anon a try, go absolute no contact and break that cycle of upteeth breakups .
I think you have made a hard decision but a healthy one for yourself by ending it. Because from what you described, it was not a happy relationship for you for the most part.
Give al-anon or nar-anon a try, go absolute no contact and break that cycle of upteeth breakups .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 31
That's my plan, it's tough but it's what I intend to do. To be honest I can't live like that. It goes against my moral compass in every way. It's hard but it's the right thing to do and I know that. This site is a lifesaver...best support ever.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 55
Hard lesson,
Hi. I did try to reply to you on the other thread but there was no gray reply button so I'm glad to see you on this thread.
Thank you for that message. It was lovely.
I'm glad to see you got out and about too. It does help, even for a little while.
I am so glad I've found this forum because it really is giving me strength. I especially found Jon's story about what an addict is feeling very helpful.
Sometimes it's ge
Hi. I did try to reply to you on the other thread but there was no gray reply button so I'm glad to see you on this thread.
Thank you for that message. It was lovely.
I'm glad to see you got out and about too. It does help, even for a little while.
I am so glad I've found this forum because it really is giving me strength. I especially found Jon's story about what an addict is feeling very helpful.
Sometimes it's ge
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 55
Hard lesson,
Sorry - obviously pressed submit by mistake.
Yeah, sometimes it's getting through the next 5 minutes without texting, then half an hour etc. I'm in danger of letting myself have a bad day today but I'm trying to stay strong.
Hope you're ok and staying strong.
Sorry - obviously pressed submit by mistake.
Yeah, sometimes it's getting through the next 5 minutes without texting, then half an hour etc. I'm in danger of letting myself have a bad day today but I'm trying to stay strong.
Hope you're ok and staying strong.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Cody11
Hard lesson,
Sorry - obviously pressed submit by mistake.
Yeah, sometimes it's getting through the next 5 minutes without texting, then half an hour etc. I'm in danger of letting myself have a bad day today but I'm trying to stay strong.
Hope you're ok and staying strong.
Sorry - obviously pressed submit by mistake.
Yeah, sometimes it's getting through the next 5 minutes without texting, then half an hour etc. I'm in danger of letting myself have a bad day today but I'm trying to stay strong.
Hope you're ok and staying strong.
I'm not expecting to have a good day either. But I am going to get through today Just focusing on today.
I will think of you today & please try your best to just get through today. Just today!
Remember you are not alone - I am going through the very same feelings as you are.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 31
Hi everyone, haven't text and either has he. It makes me sad but I know this is for the very best. I am really sad today...feeling this heartbreak full force but know that to have contact would only pacify that for a short time, only to end up feeling the exact same way again..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Lisapurdue
Hi everyone, haven't text and either has he. It makes me sad but I know this is for the very best. I am really sad today...feeling this heartbreak full force but know that to have contact would only pacify that for a short time, only to end up feeling the exact same way again..
Yes it is all very sad. I am in the same boat. No communication for the past. Two weeks. Going on three. I havent contacted her & she has not contacted. Me.
It's very hard not knowing what's going on. Especially after being wrapped up in crisis & drama for years.
I know if I contact her it will result in me being dragged right back in to more of the same. More of the same is more painful than no contact
Your doing the right thing. I'm sure you know that. I am not saying it's easy. My heart is broken & my head spins
The true sign of insanity is doing the same thing over & over but expecting a different result.
I am just taking one day at a time. Focusing just on today. Just getting through today as best I can. I deal with the waves of emotions as they come
I wish you the best
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Lisapurdue, by saying this:
"haven't text and either has he."
i get the assumption that you still have his phone number in your phone.
i strongly suggest you erase his number and block it. actions during a moment of weakness- like reading a text- can cause a whirlwind of mental mayhem that doesnt help healing.
"haven't text and either has he."
i get the assumption that you still have his phone number in your phone.
i strongly suggest you erase his number and block it. actions during a moment of weakness- like reading a text- can cause a whirlwind of mental mayhem that doesnt help healing.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
