Upteenth breakup and still so sad....
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Join Date: Jun 2017
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I keep pressing submit by mistake - sorry.
So why he's turned on the only support he had, I don't know but I'm getting through day by day and trying not to think about it all as I'm never going to know the answers.
I'm really glad that you're getting through this, little by little, day by day and it's good to hear you went out for coffee - little steps that will help you heal. When I venture out I do feel better for it. Keep strong and please keep me updated as to how you are doing. Xx
So why he's turned on the only support he had, I don't know but I'm getting through day by day and trying not to think about it all as I'm never going to know the answers.
I'm really glad that you're getting through this, little by little, day by day and it's good to hear you went out for coffee - little steps that will help you heal. When I venture out I do feel better for it. Keep strong and please keep me updated as to how you are doing. Xx
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 55
HardLessons
Still taking it day by day. I am pleased to say though that I am no longer spending a whole day thinking about things. I'm trying to stay busy and I certainly have my down times but I'm refusing to allow myself to dwell.
Thank you for your message and I hope you're ok.
Still taking it day by day. I am pleased to say though that I am no longer spending a whole day thinking about things. I'm trying to stay busy and I certainly have my down times but I'm refusing to allow myself to dwell.
Thank you for your message and I hope you're ok.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Cody11 
HardLessons
Still taking it day by day. I am pleased to say though that I am no longer spending a whole day thinking about things. I'm trying to stay busy and I certainly have my down times but I'm refusing to allow myself to dwell.
Thank you for your message and I hope you're ok.
Still taking it day by day. I am pleased to say though that I am no longer spending a whole day thinking about things. I'm trying to stay busy and I certainly have my down times but I'm refusing to allow myself to dwell.
Thank you for your message and I hope you're ok.
I'm ok Glad your doing better
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 31
It's setting in that we are truly broken up now...never felt real before but this time it does. I'm sad..I miss him, I'm lonely and I hate the weekends. They're the worst. Anyways just trying to get to the point where I know I've made the right decision and reestablish myself without him...glad you are all ok and carrying on../to better and brighter days 
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by Lisapurdue
It's setting in that we are truly broken up now...never felt real before but this time it does. I'm sad..I miss him, I'm lonely and I hate the weekends. They're the worst. Anyways just trying to get to the point where I know I've made the right decision and reestablish myself without him...glad you are all ok and carrying on../to better and brighter days
Your above post spoke to me.
Its settling in with me as well that my journey with my addict has also come to an end. During my journey with her, I was in denial, but at times I would get overwhelmed & wake up from that denial. When that happened I would express how I was feeling & it usually lead to a rocky road between us. Up until now, every time that happened I would either voluntarily or be manipulated back into denial.
I am also very sad, very lonely, & hate the weekends (or time off from work). Yes downtime is the worst.
You as well as myself know we have made the right decision. We have know for a long time it was all going to end up exactly where it is now. After spending intense years of my life with her, the current nothingness is very painful. It all became a giant nothing.
Lisa - You made the right decision. If it didn't happen now, it would certainly end up in the same place at some other point in the future probably with worse consequences. As we both have witnessed addiction is very destructive. It took a heavy toll on me.
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
Hi Lisa
Your above post spoke to me.
Its settling in with me as well that my journey with my addict has also come to an end. During my journey with her, I was in denial, but at times I would get overwhelmed & wake up from that denial. When that happened I would express how I was feeling & it usually lead to a rocky road between us. Up until now, every time that happened I would either voluntarily or be manipulated back into denial.
I am also very sad, very lonely, & hate the weekends (or time off from work). Yes downtime is the worst.
You as well as myself know we have made the right decision. We have know for a long time it was all going to end up exactly where it is now. After spending intense years of my life with her, the current nothingness is very painful. It all became a giant nothing.
Lisa - You made the right decision. If it didn't happen now, it would certainly end up in the same place at some other point in the future probably with worse consequences. As we both have witnessed addiction is very destructive. It took a heavy toll on me.
Your above post spoke to me.
Its settling in with me as well that my journey with my addict has also come to an end. During my journey with her, I was in denial, but at times I would get overwhelmed & wake up from that denial. When that happened I would express how I was feeling & it usually lead to a rocky road between us. Up until now, every time that happened I would either voluntarily or be manipulated back into denial.
I am also very sad, very lonely, & hate the weekends (or time off from work). Yes downtime is the worst.
You as well as myself know we have made the right decision. We have know for a long time it was all going to end up exactly where it is now. After spending intense years of my life with her, the current nothingness is very painful. It all became a giant nothing.
Lisa - You made the right decision. If it didn't happen now, it would certainly end up in the same place at some other point in the future probably with worse consequences. As we both have witnessed addiction is very destructive. It took a heavy toll on me.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Originally Posted by Lisapurdue
God I used to think we had this amazing connection, that we were both wanting eachother at the same time in between all those breakups. i realize he probably just knew he could manipulate me right back where he wanted me. It became so unhealthy..him doing what he did, me sleuthing and sooooo insecure. Such an imbalanced unhealthy relationship. Insecurity of any kind kills a relationship but how can anyone be secure in that?? I've struggled with that too,,, that maybe I'm just a weak insecure person..but I just keep trusting my gut...thanks hardlessons, your words are so appreciated.
A couple points
You mentioned an imbalanced & unhealthy relationship. You hit the nail on the head I think of those two words often thinking about my relationship. If ours would have been relationships with "normal" people those words would not come into play or if they did it would not be often.
Weak & insecure person. I also think of those words often. The nature of these relationships make us that way. I became mentally exhausted, tired, & weak. At times, I had no strength left. I became very insecure with my relationship. I got to a point where I was just constantly questioning myself. Doubting myself. In the past several months before the end - I did not trust myself or my judgement. I was totally weak & totally insecure with the relationship all the time.
I have no idea where I even got the strength to break off & stop talking to her. I don't know where it came from. I don't feel I have any strength.
My point is I am not normally that way. In general I have moments of being weak or insecure. But I have never suffered from both all day long every day. The nature of the relationship with an addict drove me to that point. Even today, I am still weak & insecure.
I hope you have the best day possible.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
Lisa
A couple points
You mentioned an imbalanced & unhealthy relationship. You hit the nail on the head I think of those two words often thinking about my relationship. If ours would have been relationships with "normal" people those words would not come into play or if they did it would not be often.
Weak & insecure person. I also think of those words often. The nature of these relationships make us that way. I became mentally exhausted, tired, & weak. At times, I had no strength left. I became very insecure with my relationship. I got to a point where I was just constantly questioning myself. Doubting myself. In the past several months before the end - I did not trust myself or my judgement. I was totally weak & totally insecure with the relationship all the time.
I have no idea where I even got the strength to break off & stop talking to her. I don't know where it came from. I don't feel I have any strength.
My point is I am not normally that way. In general I have moments of being weak or insecure. But I have never suffered from both all day long every day. The nature of the relationship with an addict drove me to that point. Even today, I am still weak & insecure.
I hope you have the best day possible.
A couple points
You mentioned an imbalanced & unhealthy relationship. You hit the nail on the head I think of those two words often thinking about my relationship. If ours would have been relationships with "normal" people those words would not come into play or if they did it would not be often.
Weak & insecure person. I also think of those words often. The nature of these relationships make us that way. I became mentally exhausted, tired, & weak. At times, I had no strength left. I became very insecure with my relationship. I got to a point where I was just constantly questioning myself. Doubting myself. In the past several months before the end - I did not trust myself or my judgement. I was totally weak & totally insecure with the relationship all the time.
I have no idea where I even got the strength to break off & stop talking to her. I don't know where it came from. I don't feel I have any strength.
My point is I am not normally that way. In general I have moments of being weak or insecure. But I have never suffered from both all day long every day. The nature of the relationship with an addict drove me to that point. Even today, I am still weak & insecure.
I hope you have the best day possible.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 55
Hi Lisa/HardLessons,
It is quite uncanny how very similar our situations are. Everything that's been said, I agree with.
I think we have been insecure but this has definitely been exacerbated by those we have been in these relationships with. What we have to now try and do which isn't going to be easy is to not take that insecurity with us when someone new enters our lives. I can still, depending on my state of mind, think that it's just me he treated badly, but I do know deep down that this isn't true. I'm still so confused about so much but trying so hard to not let it be all consuming.
Surely, when we come out this on the other side, we will be so much stronger. I have problems with insecurity as it is and all that's happened has certainly made it worse. We won't be weak the next time. We will know what we are definitely not going to tolerate. Yes, we may have been weak, not wanting to let go of those people even although they were toxic, but just look at the resilience and strength we have at this moment.
I also find weekends and nights to be the worst. They certainly are lonely, dark times but every day is a day nearer to feeling better. Hard to imagine sometimes I know. Despite it all, i still just want to text but I wonder if part of me just doesn't want him to be doing ok without me? So many emotions. I've been through some dark and difficult times in my life but this has to be the worst. I very much enjoy speaking with you both and get strength from you. Take care.
It is quite uncanny how very similar our situations are. Everything that's been said, I agree with.
I think we have been insecure but this has definitely been exacerbated by those we have been in these relationships with. What we have to now try and do which isn't going to be easy is to not take that insecurity with us when someone new enters our lives. I can still, depending on my state of mind, think that it's just me he treated badly, but I do know deep down that this isn't true. I'm still so confused about so much but trying so hard to not let it be all consuming.
Surely, when we come out this on the other side, we will be so much stronger. I have problems with insecurity as it is and all that's happened has certainly made it worse. We won't be weak the next time. We will know what we are definitely not going to tolerate. Yes, we may have been weak, not wanting to let go of those people even although they were toxic, but just look at the resilience and strength we have at this moment.
I also find weekends and nights to be the worst. They certainly are lonely, dark times but every day is a day nearer to feeling better. Hard to imagine sometimes I know. Despite it all, i still just want to text but I wonder if part of me just doesn't want him to be doing ok without me? So many emotions. I've been through some dark and difficult times in my life but this has to be the worst. I very much enjoy speaking with you both and get strength from you. Take care.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
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Cody
From reading your posts you have certainly come far in the past few weeks. I appreciate. Reading all that you write. It helps me
One thing I have been thinking about lately concerning my addict
At times I am angry & mad at her. To the point where I would like to tell her off strongly. Once in a while I hate her concerning things she has done to me. Choices she made & makes concerning her life
When those thoughts calm down inside me. I do remember that I love her & care about her life deeply. I remember because of those facts i tried so hard to improve her life (even if you think she didn't deserve it). I. Can't wish anything bad to happen to her. I hope somehow even without me she succeeds in changing her life for the best. I still pray daily for her.
Take care of yourself
From reading your posts you have certainly come far in the past few weeks. I appreciate. Reading all that you write. It helps me
One thing I have been thinking about lately concerning my addict
At times I am angry & mad at her. To the point where I would like to tell her off strongly. Once in a while I hate her concerning things she has done to me. Choices she made & makes concerning her life
When those thoughts calm down inside me. I do remember that I love her & care about her life deeply. I remember because of those facts i tried so hard to improve her life (even if you think she didn't deserve it). I. Can't wish anything bad to happen to her. I hope somehow even without me she succeeds in changing her life for the best. I still pray daily for her.
Take care of yourself
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 55
HardLessons,
Yes, it's amazing the conflicting emotions that we go through. I am doing ok but a lot of the time I have to fight the need to give in to the depression but I have to go on but it is a never ending battle.
I don't want anything bad to happen to my addict but I suppose because I've been the only constant in his life for so long that I still wonder why he just turned so quickly. I'm the kind of person that would rather know something, however hurtful, than be confus
Yes, it's amazing the conflicting emotions that we go through. I am doing ok but a lot of the time I have to fight the need to give in to the depression but I have to go on but it is a never ending battle.
I don't want anything bad to happen to my addict but I suppose because I've been the only constant in his life for so long that I still wonder why he just turned so quickly. I'm the kind of person that would rather know something, however hurtful, than be confus
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Originally Posted by Cody11
Hi Lisa,
Just checking to see how you are doing? I hope you're managing to get through this and staying strong.
Just checking to see how you are doing? I hope you're managing to get through this and staying strong.
Hi Cody11
))...thank you so much for checking in, how sweet. Yes I'm still going strong, couple things are coming up that will be hard to get through but I'll just be as strong as I can with probably many tears shed along the way. A very good friend of ours is getting married in NY (I'm Canadian btw)...my ex bought us all tickets, his children me and my daughter and paid for our accommodation as well. I obviously cancelled that trip and am not going. The person getting married is one of my very best friends and I just can't afford to go in my own. Which is fine...the part that will hurt me is seeing all the pictures on social media. I know I won't have the will power not to look...so just another hurdle to get through. I have gone out on some nice on line dates but have no interest in anything more than a visit and coffee. I love that ex of mine so much and I just have to give myself time to feel this heartbreak and get through it healed and healthy. Thanks again for checking in...how are you doing??
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Join Date: Jun 2017
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Hi Lisa,
I'm sorry about your trip. This is when social media is a negative. I have stopped going on Facebook. My ex is very rarely on but there's always the chance I'm going to see or read something that I really don't want to see so I just don't go anywhere near!
I'm ok, thanks. I know that I'm still in danger of just wanting to mope about but every time I do, I'm forcing myself to get on and do something. I've had 8 calls between Tuesday and Friday, all No Caller ID but I've not answered. Don't know if it's him or not but seems a lot of calls for it not to be. I messaged HardLessons and he was saying he hoped you were ok, so he'll be glad to see you are.
That's good you've been out and about even although you're still feeling so bad. I just can't wait for the day when this isn't affecting me one little bit. What an experience to live through!
i hope you stay strong. Take care of yourself.
I'm sorry about your trip. This is when social media is a negative. I have stopped going on Facebook. My ex is very rarely on but there's always the chance I'm going to see or read something that I really don't want to see so I just don't go anywhere near!
I'm ok, thanks. I know that I'm still in danger of just wanting to mope about but every time I do, I'm forcing myself to get on and do something. I've had 8 calls between Tuesday and Friday, all No Caller ID but I've not answered. Don't know if it's him or not but seems a lot of calls for it not to be. I messaged HardLessons and he was saying he hoped you were ok, so he'll be glad to see you are.
That's good you've been out and about even although you're still feeling so bad. I just can't wait for the day when this isn't affecting me one little bit. What an experience to live through!
i hope you stay strong. Take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 42
I can't even begin to quote every message that rings true to my situation. I am broken, insecure, no confidence, remourseful of my own reactions and behaviors, sad, lonely, alone, and just in constant anxiety. Every time my phone goes off I wish it was her, but its not. She is for good this time and its for the best, but it hurts so so much. I was going to move away back in March, but I blew it. I stayed to try and help her. But she didnt want it, and It made me crazy and we would fight. I am now leaving again because its my only shot. I am in a small town with NO ONE. No resources for help. Constant anxiety over fear of running into her. Sleepless nights filled with nightmares. I am doing the hardest thing I have ever done which is drop what stability I have and starting over, but I am so terrified and broken.
This compulsion, and obsession has left me feeling unworthy. If a drug addict would rather be with awful gross people then their spouse what does that say about me?
It ended for good this time as her enabling family gave her a house and now she is free to use without my opposition. She prolly has someone else who is much moresupportive now ofher addiction because she is a gorgeous nice and kind woman. I am alone and in desperate need of feeling good again. Whatever that looks like. I forgot.
I love her with everything but it was so toxic on both ends. When she was here using I didnt want her to be here, but I didnt want her to leave. When she was gone I wanted her home, but didnt. Im just broken.
This compulsion, and obsession has left me feeling unworthy. If a drug addict would rather be with awful gross people then their spouse what does that say about me?
It ended for good this time as her enabling family gave her a house and now she is free to use without my opposition. She prolly has someone else who is much moresupportive now ofher addiction because she is a gorgeous nice and kind woman. I am alone and in desperate need of feeling good again. Whatever that looks like. I forgot.
I love her with everything but it was so toxic on both ends. When she was here using I didnt want her to be here, but I didnt want her to leave. When she was gone I wanted her home, but didnt. Im just broken.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 55
Hi Johnnie,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time. I'm sure you've read round and can see so many of us in the same boat.
Me, and loads of others on here know exactly what you're feeling, what you're going through and it really is one of the worst things you can experience. I'm assuming you're also in America/Canada? From what I've read there seems to be a lot of support groups so I think that's what you're needing. Over here (Scotland), or at least in my part of Scotland, there doesn't seem to be any. I do know how important it is to talk though. I too, the same as others, struggle with not taking it personally but we are dealing with addiction here - something we can't truly understand because we're not addicts ourselves.
You will find a lot of support here so please share your thoughts and feelings often. This is a horrible time and sometimes I wonder how we all find the strength to get through but we somehow do. Unfortunately, we have to work through the pain but we will get there.
I really do feel for you and I'm so sorry you're hurting so much but we are better off without the addict in our lives. They cause us nothing but heartbreak. Please seek support of some kind and stay strong.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time. I'm sure you've read round and can see so many of us in the same boat.
Me, and loads of others on here know exactly what you're feeling, what you're going through and it really is one of the worst things you can experience. I'm assuming you're also in America/Canada? From what I've read there seems to be a lot of support groups so I think that's what you're needing. Over here (Scotland), or at least in my part of Scotland, there doesn't seem to be any. I do know how important it is to talk though. I too, the same as others, struggle with not taking it personally but we are dealing with addiction here - something we can't truly understand because we're not addicts ourselves.
You will find a lot of support here so please share your thoughts and feelings often. This is a horrible time and sometimes I wonder how we all find the strength to get through but we somehow do. Unfortunately, we have to work through the pain but we will get there.
I really do feel for you and I'm so sorry you're hurting so much but we are better off without the addict in our lives. They cause us nothing but heartbreak. Please seek support of some kind and stay strong.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by Cody11
Hi Johnnie,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time. I'm sure you've read round and can see so many of us in the same boat.
Me, and loads of others on here know exactly what you're feeling, what you're going through and it really is one of the worst things you can experience. I'm assuming you're also in America/Canada? From what I've read there seems to be a lot of support groups so I think that's what you're needing. Over here (Scotland), or at least in my part of Scotland, there doesn't seem to be any. I do know how important it is to talk though. I too, the same as others, struggle with not taking it personally but we are dealing with addiction here - something we can't truly understand because we're not addicts ourselves.
You will find a lot of support here so please share your thoughts and feelings often. This is a horrible time and sometimes I wonder how we all find the strength to get through but we somehow do. Unfortunately, we have to work through the pain but we will get there.
I really do feel for you and I'm so sorry you're hurting so much but we are better off without the addict in our lives. They cause us nothing but heartbreak. Please seek support of some kind and stay strong.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time. I'm sure you've read round and can see so many of us in the same boat.
Me, and loads of others on here know exactly what you're feeling, what you're going through and it really is one of the worst things you can experience. I'm assuming you're also in America/Canada? From what I've read there seems to be a lot of support groups so I think that's what you're needing. Over here (Scotland), or at least in my part of Scotland, there doesn't seem to be any. I do know how important it is to talk though. I too, the same as others, struggle with not taking it personally but we are dealing with addiction here - something we can't truly understand because we're not addicts ourselves.
You will find a lot of support here so please share your thoughts and feelings often. This is a horrible time and sometimes I wonder how we all find the strength to get through but we somehow do. Unfortunately, we have to work through the pain but we will get there.
I really do feel for you and I'm so sorry you're hurting so much but we are better off without the addict in our lives. They cause us nothing but heartbreak. Please seek support of some kind and stay strong.
just shattered dreams and hopes. I try to bury even the faintest peice of hope that she will go to treatment, work recovery, as I woirk mine, and we will be reunited. I guess its pretty sick and stupid of me to even wish.
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