New Here - Train Wreck - Please Help
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Originally Posted by tomsteve 
the truth:
THEY arent dumb about using you. theyre able to do it. theyd be dumb if they kept trying to use someone that wouldnt allow themselves be used.
HL, YOU are allowing it to happen. thats doesnt mean YOU are dumb either. just means youre as sick as them.
the great news is there IS a solution.
but it doesnt involve them or anyone else. it reads like your so wrapped up in enabling and codependency you cant even see how insane you are.
you chose addicts over your GF. youre life is upside down because of it.
codependency and enabling are treatable!
theres already been some good solutions to begin the solution and it reads like youre responsive of whats being typed to ya.
now for the action.
"NO!" is a complete sentence.
ya might want to take some time and check out the stickies at the top of the forum,too.
theres a lot of great experience and advise here. keep comin back and get into tbe solution.
one more thing:
youre not a bad man, just a sick man.
and
there is a solution!
THEY arent dumb about using you. theyre able to do it. theyd be dumb if they kept trying to use someone that wouldnt allow themselves be used.
HL, YOU are allowing it to happen. thats doesnt mean YOU are dumb either. just means youre as sick as them.
the great news is there IS a solution.
but it doesnt involve them or anyone else. it reads like your so wrapped up in enabling and codependency you cant even see how insane you are.
you chose addicts over your GF. youre life is upside down because of it.
codependency and enabling are treatable!
theres already been some good solutions to begin the solution and it reads like youre responsive of whats being typed to ya.
now for the action.
"NO!" is a complete sentence.
ya might want to take some time and check out the stickies at the top of the forum,too.
theres a lot of great experience and advise here. keep comin back and get into tbe solution.
one more thing:
youre not a bad man, just a sick man.
and
there is a solution!
I know I am sick with this that's why I came to the forum for help
I have read all the stickies I have been reading through this entire forum I am up to page 250 or so
Up to now I have been pretty much unable to say no I have said it a few times
My GF got really angry with me over this She hated all of it
They are involved in other criminal activity which I know the details of & they know I know When I said they would be dumb to blatantly use me they know I could turn around & cause real problems for them its all just so crazy insane
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Originally Posted by Susiegirl
You have answered your own question there - she is in denial -you cannot do any more. Step back and let her live her life the way she wants to. You will not change her mind. You stay in her life and you are going to let yourself get used and abused. That is going to make you feel worse than you already do.
Sorry for being so blunt but I think you know deep down that I'm right.
I really do hope that you will begin to see things more clearly XXX
Sorry for being so blunt but I think you know deep down that I'm right.
I really do hope that you will begin to see things more clearly XXX
I do know deep down that you are right no question you are right
I want to see things more clearly I want to do the right thing
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ok - that's the third female in this story that you have claimed was BEAUTIFUL. just sayin..........
so WHEN your GF uncovered all this bad stuff, why didn't you stop then?
when you found out the addict HAD a bf and had been with HIM the whole time, why didn't you stop?
when your gf LEFT you when didn't you stop?
remember this gal has a prostitution record - she KNOWS how to play men. how to manipulate them. and if that means playing NICE, pretending to be interested?? well that just goes with the territory.
trust me, if you cut her off, go no contact? she'll find a new mark. she'll use her "beauty" til it's not there anymore. and she'll do it for her own addiction and her "soul mate" bf.
she'll be back - and she will say anything, do anything, to get more $$ out of you. if you do decide to take a stand and go NO CONTACT, assume you will get a full court press........she will try every trick in the book - constant phone calls, some new crisis, tears, begging, pleading.....she may even resort to threats if you don't respond. until you demonstrate that you will no longer engage.
it's like the addict.....quitting is the easy part, staying quit is where the real work begins.
so WHEN your GF uncovered all this bad stuff, why didn't you stop then?
when you found out the addict HAD a bf and had been with HIM the whole time, why didn't you stop?
when your gf LEFT you when didn't you stop?
remember this gal has a prostitution record - she KNOWS how to play men. how to manipulate them. and if that means playing NICE, pretending to be interested?? well that just goes with the territory.
trust me, if you cut her off, go no contact? she'll find a new mark. she'll use her "beauty" til it's not there anymore. and she'll do it for her own addiction and her "soul mate" bf.
she'll be back - and she will say anything, do anything, to get more $$ out of you. if you do decide to take a stand and go NO CONTACT, assume you will get a full court press........she will try every trick in the book - constant phone calls, some new crisis, tears, begging, pleading.....she may even resort to threats if you don't respond. until you demonstrate that you will no longer engage.
it's like the addict.....quitting is the easy part, staying quit is where the real work begins.
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Originally Posted by Susiegirl
I am not the only one advising you to step back. If she asks for help with getting off the drugs and you're willing then that is your decision however until she does that you need to cease all contact. While she is with her current boyfriend I don't hold out much hope of her asking for help X
I honestly for the life of me cant understand how she could consider herself to be in any form of recovery while drinking heavily all day on methadone & living with a BF who is an active IV heroine user
Its very hard for me at this point to consider ceasing all contact I have done that for the past two weeks & my head is a mess from it
Its been a looooooong two weeks
About the only thing that takes my mind off her is reading on this forum
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Originally Posted by Susiegirl
Have to go to be bed now HL as I'm in the UK and its 1115pm. I really hope you do get your act together and wish you all the best. Be Strong and get your life back on track XX Keep in touch - I am on here daily at the moment
I have a lot to work on just taking this first step to post all of this took me months
I also wish you all the best please have a good night
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I honestly for the life of me cant understand how she could consider herself to be in any form of recovery while drinking heavily all day on methadone & living with a BF who is an active IV heroine user
or how you could believe a word she says???? sorry, not hammering on you. but she has LIED to you about everything, this is just another one for the lie pile.
or how you could believe a word she says???? sorry, not hammering on you. but she has LIED to you about everything, this is just another one for the lie pile.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
ok - that's the third female in this story that you have claimed was BEAUTIFUL. just sayin..........
so WHEN your GF uncovered all this bad stuff, why didn't you stop then?
when you found out the addict HAD a bf and had been with HIM the whole time, why didn't you stop?
when your gf LEFT you when didn't you stop?
remember this gal has a prostitution record - she KNOWS how to play men. how to manipulate them. and if that means playing NICE, pretending to be interested?? well that just goes with the territory.
trust me, if you cut her off, go no contact? she'll find a new mark. she'll use her "beauty" til it's not there anymore. and she'll do it for her own addiction and her "soul mate" bf.
she'll be back - and she will say anything, do anything, to get more $$ out of you. if you do decide to take a stand and go NO CONTACT, assume you will get a full court press........she will try every trick in the book - constant phone calls, some new crisis, tears, begging, pleading.....she may even resort to threats if you don't respond. until you demonstrate that you will no longer engage.
it's like the addict.....quitting is the easy part, staying quit is where the real work begins.
so WHEN your GF uncovered all this bad stuff, why didn't you stop then?
when you found out the addict HAD a bf and had been with HIM the whole time, why didn't you stop?
when your gf LEFT you when didn't you stop?
remember this gal has a prostitution record - she KNOWS how to play men. how to manipulate them. and if that means playing NICE, pretending to be interested?? well that just goes with the territory.
trust me, if you cut her off, go no contact? she'll find a new mark. she'll use her "beauty" til it's not there anymore. and she'll do it for her own addiction and her "soul mate" bf.
she'll be back - and she will say anything, do anything, to get more $$ out of you. if you do decide to take a stand and go NO CONTACT, assume you will get a full court press........she will try every trick in the book - constant phone calls, some new crisis, tears, begging, pleading.....she may even resort to threats if you don't respond. until you demonstrate that you will no longer engage.
it's like the addict.....quitting is the easy part, staying quit is where the real work begins.
Yes she has a public criminal record for prostitution yes she know how to play men no question My relationship with her has gone way past that its not a superficial relationship she shared everything about her life including her childhood I have had wicked arguments with her over life drugs criminal activity other BS she never ran away even after being very upset I do hear what you are saying
Yes I'm very concerned the full court press is coming I have had very little strength against it in the past I know its coming If I block her number she will show up at the house or even my work she gets a bit nutty when she thinks she's gonna lose me
I don't know why I haven't stopped your points are all valid My actions make no sense makes my head spin to think about
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
I honestly for the life of me cant understand how she could consider herself to be in any form of recovery while drinking heavily all day on methadone & living with a BF who is an active IV heroine user
or how you could believe a word she says???? sorry, not hammering on you. but she has LIED to you about everything, this is just another one for the lie pile.
or how you could believe a word she says???? sorry, not hammering on you. but she has LIED to you about everything, this is just another one for the lie pile.
She hasn't lied to me about everything but yes has also blatantly lied to my face I didn't understand the lying when it became evident I didn't understand it until I read about the mind of an addict
I came to understand a lot about her by reading
There was a lot to this strange relationship it took place over a 3 year period of time It wasn't all bad
enough was crazy bad thast why I began to question myself & what I was doing
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The insanity that comes with addiction is contagious.
As for "she's told me everything"...no she hasn't. And half of what she has told you is probably made up.
I'm going to ask again...what is your fantasy end game with her? You and she sail off into the sunset as a sober couple, the boyfriend magically vaporizes and you grow old together, attending the daughter's graduation and wedding and the christenings of your grandchildren?
Fantasies die really, really hard because they're so easy to live in compared to the real world. I get it, I really do.
But you're a smart guy. What are the odds of your fantasy coming true? Or do you just end up in jail because you get swept up in whatever police action heads their way, or end up penniless because they hook up with someone smart enough to access all your financial info, or just end up abandoned when she finds a richer mark and you discover you wasted these years you could have been looking for a real relationship?
As for "she's told me everything"...no she hasn't. And half of what she has told you is probably made up.
I'm going to ask again...what is your fantasy end game with her? You and she sail off into the sunset as a sober couple, the boyfriend magically vaporizes and you grow old together, attending the daughter's graduation and wedding and the christenings of your grandchildren?
Fantasies die really, really hard because they're so easy to live in compared to the real world. I get it, I really do.
But you're a smart guy. What are the odds of your fantasy coming true? Or do you just end up in jail because you get swept up in whatever police action heads their way, or end up penniless because they hook up with someone smart enough to access all your financial info, or just end up abandoned when she finds a richer mark and you discover you wasted these years you could have been looking for a real relationship?
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the best way to see to the addict's agenda is to say NO.
and then stand back.
that is very concerning that she will show up at your house or at your place of employment. that's stalker, creepy and dangerous stuff. do you have a good security system at your home?? they know where you live, they know what you got......and it's fair game. addicts like the ones you are dealing with are ruthless. you are just a means to an end.
sorry - i sound salty and gloomy. but i've been around addiction for a long time. most of us here bear the wounds and scars. this is from our Classic Stickies:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
and then stand back.
that is very concerning that she will show up at your house or at your place of employment. that's stalker, creepy and dangerous stuff. do you have a good security system at your home?? they know where you live, they know what you got......and it's fair game. addicts like the ones you are dealing with are ruthless. you are just a means to an end.
sorry - i sound salty and gloomy. but i've been around addiction for a long time. most of us here bear the wounds and scars. this is from our Classic Stickies:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
the best way to see to the addict's agenda is to say NO.
and then stand back.
that is very concerning that she will show up at your house or at your place of employment. that's stalker, creepy and dangerous stuff. do you have a good security system at your home?? they know where you live, they know what you got......and it's fair game. addicts like the ones you are dealing with are ruthless. you are just a means to an end.
sorry - i sound salty and gloomy. but i've been around addiction for a long time. most of us here bear the wounds and scars. this is from our Classic Stickies:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
and then stand back.
that is very concerning that she will show up at your house or at your place of employment. that's stalker, creepy and dangerous stuff. do you have a good security system at your home?? they know where you live, they know what you got......and it's fair game. addicts like the ones you are dealing with are ruthless. you are just a means to an end.
sorry - i sound salty and gloomy. but i've been around addiction for a long time. most of us here bear the wounds and scars. this is from our Classic Stickies:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
I've read what addicts do many times made me sick every time I read it
Yes her & BF are addicts
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain
The insanity that comes with addiction is contagious.
As for "she's told me everything"...no she hasn't. And half of what she has told you is probably made up.
I'm going to ask again...what is your fantasy end game with her? You and she sail off into the sunset as a sober couple, the boyfriend magically vaporizes and you grow old together, attending the daughter's graduation and wedding and the christenings of your grandchildren?
Fantasies die really, really hard because they're so easy to live in compared to the real world. I get it, I really do.
But you're a smart guy. What are the odds of your fantasy coming true? Or do you just end up in jail because you get swept up in whatever police action heads their way, or end up penniless because they hook up with someone smart enough to access all your financial info, or just end up abandoned when she finds a richer mark and you discover you wasted these years you could have been looking for a real relationship?
As for "she's told me everything"...no she hasn't. And half of what she has told you is probably made up.
I'm going to ask again...what is your fantasy end game with her? You and she sail off into the sunset as a sober couple, the boyfriend magically vaporizes and you grow old together, attending the daughter's graduation and wedding and the christenings of your grandchildren?
Fantasies die really, really hard because they're so easy to live in compared to the real world. I get it, I really do.
But you're a smart guy. What are the odds of your fantasy coming true? Or do you just end up in jail because you get swept up in whatever police action heads their way, or end up penniless because they hook up with someone smart enough to access all your financial info, or just end up abandoned when she finds a richer mark and you discover you wasted these years you could have been looking for a real relationship?
She has shared her entire life with me including her childhood teen years & adult life all of it including pictures she has been with the BF except for jail time some significant since she was 15 saw the pictures could some of what she shared be made up yes but most was not she lost her mother which was a big set back for her She shared the pain & suffering of IV heroine use running the streets prostitution having her young daughter being taken away from her when she went to jail struggling to get her back etc
I honestly don't know what my fantasy end game is No we aint sailing off into the sunset She has to be at the clinic every morning except Sunday morning She cant go anywhere even over night.
No vaporizing boyfriends no fairy dust no fantasy I am however caught up in something I know is beyond me
Initially before I learned all this BS from her I just wanted her & her daughter to have a break and a chance to live a decent life not perfect not maybe even great just a decent life stable life it was pretty simple
My fantasy isn't coming true I honestly don't think it was a fantasy I wasn't trying to move myself in as a BF It was never my intension ever Even with large amounts of money involved I always made sure whatever I did was done with respect & dignity for her as a woman & human. This is a girl who has been through a lot I always showed her respect. Yes I love her deeply.
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hang in there, buddy. you are not alone.
if you truly want to help those less fortunate, there are many volunteer activities you could consider. and they won't cost you a dime. just your time and talents. check out your local United Way.
i have been involved in the United Way Day of Caring for about....23 years now? it's an amazing one-day community action volunteer event. but it looks like the Day of Action just occurred in your area on June 21. http://www.unitedwaynnj.org/volunteer/dayofaction.php but there is always a need to help those less fortunate who truly WANT help.
if you truly want to help those less fortunate, there are many volunteer activities you could consider. and they won't cost you a dime. just your time and talents. check out your local United Way.
i have been involved in the United Way Day of Caring for about....23 years now? it's an amazing one-day community action volunteer event. but it looks like the Day of Action just occurred in your area on June 21. http://www.unitedwaynnj.org/volunteer/dayofaction.php but there is always a need to help those less fortunate who truly WANT help.
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OK. I'm going to go all Kevin Mitnick on you. And if you don't know who he is, I would strongly suggest you google him. He wrote this great book called "The Art of Deception" that will make your skin crawl.
You can certainly add to your security system to make things just a wee bit more unpredictable. And change your passcodes to the security system, especially if you can remotely log in and see if people are home. Because if you can log in and find out if someone's at your home, SHE can log in and find out when you're out.
Passwords to all accounts - I would change them, including the password to your internet router. And if you had one password you liked for all of them, stop reading this message and start changing them yesterday!
If she showed ANY inkling of being technologically savvy, I would make sure she didn't put any keyboard sniffers on any of your computers.
Check your credit report and banking account for any suspicious activity. Hopefully she didn't try to set up some credit cards using your history.
I know this is embarrassing, but inform the security folks at your place of work that she is absolutely forbidden from coming in. I know of a person who did not do that. He called up her boss, told her he was going to propose to her. The boss let him in. He walked into the office, saw her, and tried to shoot her. Fortunately he missed.
I'm not saying this to freak you out. I'm saying this because you need to treat this seriously. You were so wrapped up in her drama you didn't realize what risks you were taking.
I'm noticing that you don't talk about how much you miss your previous GF. The reason why you posted this thread wasn't because of her, but because of the addict and her daughter. You're crying over the addict and not your exGF. That says a lot.
You have to ask yourself why you wanted to be in the rescuer role so badly that you trashed your relationship with somebody who actually loved you. Maybe you fell out of love with her and that's OK. It happens. But you don't have to get involved with an addict, her daughter, and her boyfriend to exit any relationship.
You can certainly add to your security system to make things just a wee bit more unpredictable. And change your passcodes to the security system, especially if you can remotely log in and see if people are home. Because if you can log in and find out if someone's at your home, SHE can log in and find out when you're out.
Passwords to all accounts - I would change them, including the password to your internet router. And if you had one password you liked for all of them, stop reading this message and start changing them yesterday!
If she showed ANY inkling of being technologically savvy, I would make sure she didn't put any keyboard sniffers on any of your computers.
Check your credit report and banking account for any suspicious activity. Hopefully she didn't try to set up some credit cards using your history.
I know this is embarrassing, but inform the security folks at your place of work that she is absolutely forbidden from coming in. I know of a person who did not do that. He called up her boss, told her he was going to propose to her. The boss let him in. He walked into the office, saw her, and tried to shoot her. Fortunately he missed.
I'm not saying this to freak you out. I'm saying this because you need to treat this seriously. You were so wrapped up in her drama you didn't realize what risks you were taking.
Please be blunt I am totally out of control with this situation I have cried more tears over this with her
You have to ask yourself why you wanted to be in the rescuer role so badly that you trashed your relationship with somebody who actually loved you. Maybe you fell out of love with her and that's OK. It happens. But you don't have to get involved with an addict, her daughter, and her boyfriend to exit any relationship.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
hang in there, buddy. you are not alone.
if you truly want to help those less fortunate, there are many volunteer activities you could consider. and they won't cost you a dime. just your time and talents. check out your local United Way.
i have been involved in the United Way Day of Caring for about....23 years now? it's an amazing one-day community action volunteer event. but it looks like the Day of Action just occurred in your area on June 21. United Way of NNJ :: VOLUNTEER :: Day of Action but there is always a need to help those less fortunate who truly WANT help.
if you truly want to help those less fortunate, there are many volunteer activities you could consider. and they won't cost you a dime. just your time and talents. check out your local United Way.
i have been involved in the United Way Day of Caring for about....23 years now? it's an amazing one-day community action volunteer event. but it looks like the Day of Action just occurred in your area on June 21. United Way of NNJ :: VOLUNTEER :: Day of Action but there is always a need to help those less fortunate who truly WANT help.
My help has been more than financial. We also had a deep emotional connection. I don't think she had anyone show they cared to understand. Her. &. Help her with her life
I will check the info you shared concerning the united way.
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HardLessons,
where do you want to be in 6 months?
HOW do you want to BE in 6 months?
you cant understand addiction. you cant understand the actions of an addict.
what you can do is accept it
where do you want to be in 6 months?
HOW do you want to BE in 6 months?
you cant understand addiction. you cant understand the actions of an addict.
what you can do is accept it
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Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
We also had a deep emotional connection.
YOU did. she is busy with a BOYFRIEND and financing their drug addiction. you know, the multiple felon soul mate she had when you met that she accidentally forgot to mention??? she told you her sad story because it worked. you fell for it. hook line and wallet.
you gave her 3 grand a few weeks ago and surprise! she ain't calling. i wonder why..............
YOU did. she is busy with a BOYFRIEND and financing their drug addiction. you know, the multiple felon soul mate she had when you met that she accidentally forgot to mention??? she told you her sad story because it worked. you fell for it. hook line and wallet.
you gave her 3 grand a few weeks ago and surprise! she ain't calling. i wonder why..............
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Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart
OK. I'm going to go all Kevin Mitnick on you. And if you don't know who he is, I would strongly suggest you google him. He wrote this great book called "The Art of Deception" that will make your skin crawl.
You can certainly add to your security system to make things just a wee bit more unpredictable. And change your passcodes to the security system, especially if you can remotely log in and see if people are home. Because if you can log in and find out if someone's at your home, SHE can log in and find out when you're out.
Passwords to all accounts - I would change them, including the password to your internet router. And if you had one password you liked for all of them, stop reading this message and start changing them yesterday!
If she showed ANY inkling of being technologically savvy, I would make sure she didn't put any keyboard sniffers on any of your computers.
Check your credit report and banking account for any suspicious activity. Hopefully she didn't try to set up some credit cards using your history.
I know this is embarrassing, but inform the security folks at your place of work that she is absolutely forbidden from coming in. I know of a person who did not do that. He called up her boss, told her he was going to propose to her. The boss let him in. He walked into the office, saw her, and tried to shoot her. Fortunately he missed.
I'm not saying this to freak you out. I'm saying this because you need to treat this seriously. You were so wrapped up in her drama you didn't realize what risks you were taking.
I'm noticing that you don't talk about how much you miss your previous GF. The reason why you posted this thread wasn't because of her, but because of the addict and her daughter. You're crying over the addict and not your exGF. That says a lot.
You have to ask yourself why you wanted to be in the rescuer role so badly that you trashed your relationship with somebody who actually loved you. Maybe you fell out of love with her and that's OK. It happens. But you don't have to get involved with an addict, her daughter, and her boyfriend to exit any relationship.
You can certainly add to your security system to make things just a wee bit more unpredictable. And change your passcodes to the security system, especially if you can remotely log in and see if people are home. Because if you can log in and find out if someone's at your home, SHE can log in and find out when you're out.
Passwords to all accounts - I would change them, including the password to your internet router. And if you had one password you liked for all of them, stop reading this message and start changing them yesterday!
If she showed ANY inkling of being technologically savvy, I would make sure she didn't put any keyboard sniffers on any of your computers.
Check your credit report and banking account for any suspicious activity. Hopefully she didn't try to set up some credit cards using your history.
I know this is embarrassing, but inform the security folks at your place of work that she is absolutely forbidden from coming in. I know of a person who did not do that. He called up her boss, told her he was going to propose to her. The boss let him in. He walked into the office, saw her, and tried to shoot her. Fortunately he missed.
I'm not saying this to freak you out. I'm saying this because you need to treat this seriously. You were so wrapped up in her drama you didn't realize what risks you were taking.
I'm noticing that you don't talk about how much you miss your previous GF. The reason why you posted this thread wasn't because of her, but because of the addict and her daughter. You're crying over the addict and not your exGF. That says a lot.
You have to ask yourself why you wanted to be in the rescuer role so badly that you trashed your relationship with somebody who actually loved you. Maybe you fell out of love with her and that's OK. It happens. But you don't have to get involved with an addict, her daughter, and her boyfriend to exit any relationship.
Your point concerning my GF. Is valid. I got so wrapped up. In this relationship that I didn't even think too much about my GF leaving. I was at the time way more focused on the addicts. I. Have been mentally consumed by them. The last few months wasn't good with my GF. She was upset & yelling a lot. She got very distant. Then finally. Left. I was not. That upset. Upset. Yes.
She was accusing me of having sex with the. Other woman. Accusing me of doing drugs. I wasn't doing either. We talked through. It a 100 times. She didn't believe me. I did admit to her. That. It's an ugly. Story. But. I didn't want to give it. Up. At that point
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Join Date: Jun 2017
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
HardLessons,
where do you want to be in 6 months?
HOW do you want to BE in 6 months?
you cant understand addiction. you cant understand the actions of an addict.
what you can do is accept it
where do you want to be in 6 months?
HOW do you want to BE in 6 months?
you cant understand addiction. you cant understand the actions of an addict.
what you can do is accept it
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