Mandasmurf

I have been living with my "fiancé" for the past 6 years. When I first met him, he was on cocaine. I didn't know it, but I had suspected it. I found out for sure when He quit the day our son was born. it was tough but we got through it. A few months later he got hooked on suboxone. That lasted on and off for a couple years, but we got through it. He quit taking those too for a little while, and then got hooked on them again about a year and a half ago. About 6 months ago, I suspected he was smoking rocks. I kept finding little clues and money kept coming up missing. Within the past year, he has stolen over $10k from his mom and Gramma. He has sold or pawned everything we own. Stealing my debit card for my bank account and getting cash from the ATM. If I would buy something for me or the kids, he would return it to the store. He has even gone as far as to sell my food stamps for the past 3 months in a row. Well, things finally hit the fan about 3 weeks ago. We had an intervention type thing, and it seemed to work. He admitted to everything and cried a lot. Said he didn't want to lose his family or his home.
It seemed to work. He went through 8 days of withdrawals, and then he got mad when we wouldn't give him any money, took my car and threatened to kill himself. While we was gone, his mom and I went and filed for a marchman act. Later that same day, he came home and was threatening to cut the tires on the car and hurt himself and so on. His mom called the police, who baker acted him. He was released the next day. 3 days later, the Sheriffs department came and picked him up to go though the marchman act process. He went to a facility for an evaluation, and was there for 5 days. They recommended him receive "intensive outpatient treatment." While he was in there, he wrote me a letter. Thanking me for doing this. Telling me that he now sees what it's like to be sober, and doesn't want to have to wake up every morning worried about getting a fix, and that he was really feeling good and didn't want to use anymore. When he got out, everything was great for 2 days. He went to NA meetings, and a counseling session. (Not yet court ordered, was going on his own) On the 3rd day, I think he relapsed. He sold my EBT again, and money has been coming up missing and he has been to the pawn shop, and to 2 of his "friends" houses. He denies going there, even though the tracker I bought for the car shows me where he has been and what time. He hasn't been going to meetings. He just leaves and drives around for an hour or 2 and comes home.
We will be calling the probate office tomorrow to let them know how this is going. They called while I was at work today, to see if we wanted to proceed. I don't think we have a choice but to continue with it.
I know him well enough to know the difference when he is highs yet he thinks I don't.
I am obsessed with finding snooping and trying to catch him. I know in my head that this relationship is over. But my heart is breaking. I'm conflicted. No matter how hard I try, I'm never going to trust him again. I really hope that he gets better. I want him to be healthy, for himself. I can't live the way I have been living anymore. And I can't risk mine, and my kids future. I hate that I have put up with it for so long.
I love the man he used to be. I love the idea of him then. I do not love the man he has become. I'm lost right now. I don't want my kids to resent me for sending their dad away. And I'm worried about where he is going to stay and if he is going to have food. But I know that by him staying here, we are enabling him. One day, it's all going to catch up with him, and I don't want to go down with him. I'm trying to be strong and work up the nerve to make him leave. I just don't have it yet.
I don't know what to do now.

Steely

You do have it within you, even if not right now.

He sounds like he could be a threat (?) so I would proceed with caution when telling him to leave.

Outside of that I'd be organising to get out of there fast.

Better for everybody, including him, and most importantly the kids who suffer more with an addicted conventional family than those brought up in a sober sole parent family.

He's not showing too much form, hey?

ladyscribbler

Selling your EBT for cash means that he literally is stealing food from your children's mouths to buy drugs. He is not worried about you and the kids going hungry or having a roof over your heads.

My ex's drinking turned him into someone I didn't recognize, and I had to accept that he might not ever sober up and be the "great guy" again. I couldn't gamble my future waiting for him to straighten up. All of his behavior since I left has reinforced that I made the right decision.

Ann

You know what you know and no longer need "proof". And I think you also know that what you dream your life could be is no longer possible. It hurts and is hard to face the cold hard truth that he is addicted to drugs and there is not a darn thing you can do about changing him...so that mean changing yourself if you are to keep yourself and your children safe.

Your husband sounds like my son, the theft and the promises, leaving meetings to score drugs, trying to convince me that 5 days clean even resembles recovery...it's simply withdrawal. My son has been using for about 20 years, missing the last 10 or so. I had to let go and save myself or die trying to save him and in the end he was not mine to save, only he can do that and I pray he does one day.

If you decide to leave, please have someone with you when you go as this can be a very dangerous time. Making a plan for your future, where you will go and how you can support yourself and your children (which I suspect you are already doing) is a good start. It gives you an option when you need it and I suspect you will need it sometime soon.

I am sorry for your pain, we are here to support you no matter what you choose.

My prayers go out for you and your children.

AnvilheadII

Within the past year, he has stolen over $10k from his mom and Gramma. He has sold or pawned everything we own. Stealing my debit card for my bank account and getting cash from the ATM. If I would buy something for me or the kids, he would return it to the store. He has even gone as far as to sell my food stamps for the past 3 months in a row.

those are each and all utterly despicable acts. against EVERY family member and loved one. those are not the acts of person who has an ounce of love or consideration for anyone. if he'll steal from his GRANDMOTHER and his own kids...........

now is the time to separate from him and his drug use and his illegal activities. he was an active addict when you met..........and continues to be so today. only know he's stealing the very food out of his children's mouths. it must stop.