Addict husband left me I hurt so much
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1
Addict husband left me I hurt so much
My husband is addicted to... kratom, opium poppies, heroin, Zanex, anything he can get.
We have been married 7 years, with many many terrible catastrophes along the way... loosing places to live, spending all our money, disapppearing, the lack of a reciprocating love is the hardest.
I am lucky we don't live together anymore and that he is not reliant on me any longer for support. He is seemingly holding it together now even though he is still addicted. He has a great place, a Beautiful vegetable garden, I don't understand why he wouldn't want to share it with me.
I am finally waking up to having put myself in harm, his emotional abuse and ridiculous accusations, this TOXIC relationship even still.. I just love him.
Things were so great sometimes, but he is not capable of being there for me or loving me or supporting me.
I know I am amazing and I deserve so much more. I want to be with someone who is there for me.
Well, he left, he says he doesn't want to be my husband. I am so heartbroken and in so much pain, the loss of my dreams for a happy family and a sweet love are gone. The reality is that it was rarely if ever there or real.
I can't forget the good times, how soft the kisses were, how much I love him. I am hurting so bad, I realize emotions will pass in time, and that it will never work if he is using. That is not what I want for my future but omg just for one more night. I feel like someone has died. I wish things were different.
Having a HARD time accepting reality. I guess I'll just cry and cry and keep taking care of myself and hope for brighter days. I'm starting to feel better little by little how can I be mourning so bad for something so bad? Because sometimes were so good.
Oh Lord, I trust there is a higher purpose for this. I'm so hurt.
We have been married 7 years, with many many terrible catastrophes along the way... loosing places to live, spending all our money, disapppearing, the lack of a reciprocating love is the hardest.
I am lucky we don't live together anymore and that he is not reliant on me any longer for support. He is seemingly holding it together now even though he is still addicted. He has a great place, a Beautiful vegetable garden, I don't understand why he wouldn't want to share it with me.
I am finally waking up to having put myself in harm, his emotional abuse and ridiculous accusations, this TOXIC relationship even still.. I just love him.
Things were so great sometimes, but he is not capable of being there for me or loving me or supporting me.
I know I am amazing and I deserve so much more. I want to be with someone who is there for me.
Well, he left, he says he doesn't want to be my husband. I am so heartbroken and in so much pain, the loss of my dreams for a happy family and a sweet love are gone. The reality is that it was rarely if ever there or real.
I can't forget the good times, how soft the kisses were, how much I love him. I am hurting so bad, I realize emotions will pass in time, and that it will never work if he is using. That is not what I want for my future but omg just for one more night. I feel like someone has died. I wish things were different.
Having a HARD time accepting reality. I guess I'll just cry and cry and keep taking care of myself and hope for brighter days. I'm starting to feel better little by little how can I be mourning so bad for something so bad? Because sometimes were so good.
Oh Lord, I trust there is a higher purpose for this. I'm so hurt.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am sorry for your pain, addiction destroys everyone in its path, including those who love the addict.
It hurts to face the cold hard truth that we cannot change our addicted loved ones. It hurts to give up "what might have been". But these hurts heal over time, I promise, and the lessons we take with us will help us make a better path for ourselves.
One day at a time, do something healing for yourself. This is the time for self-care and nurturing the spirit and mind.
Hugs
It hurts to face the cold hard truth that we cannot change our addicted loved ones. It hurts to give up "what might have been". But these hurts heal over time, I promise, and the lessons we take with us will help us make a better path for ourselves.
One day at a time, do something healing for yourself. This is the time for self-care and nurturing the spirit and mind.
Hugs
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry that you're hurting so much.
But allow me to suggest that by leaving, he's given you a gift. So long as the status quo was maintained, and he continued to use while he was with you, the pain you would be experiencing would be off the charts. By leaving, he's given you an opportunity, should you take it, to heal.
There are a lot of women who've been where you are. We have some of them here, and they'll chime in soon. Pay attention to what they share with you. It's not going to decrease your pain. But it will increase your understanding, and the more you understand, the more likely you'll make the best decisions for you going forward.
Hang in there...
But allow me to suggest that by leaving, he's given you a gift. So long as the status quo was maintained, and he continued to use while he was with you, the pain you would be experiencing would be off the charts. By leaving, he's given you an opportunity, should you take it, to heal.
There are a lot of women who've been where you are. We have some of them here, and they'll chime in soon. Pay attention to what they share with you. It's not going to decrease your pain. But it will increase your understanding, and the more you understand, the more likely you'll make the best decisions for you going forward.
Hang in there...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 7
Your husband really has given you a gift by leaving. He's given you the opportunity to heal, to grow stronger and to find the right man who will work with you to build a family and chase your dreams.
Your husband has made it clear that he's not the one. He's chosen his addiction to be the love of his life. While I know that it hurts to hear it, it's something that anyone who's loved an addict needs to hear and accept. He's chosen to support and nurture his addiction, rather than his relationship with you. He's put his addiction above your safety and well being. You deserve someone who will put you first and it sounds like you know that. It just takes some time for your heart to understand what your mind already knows.
He may be doing well now and have what looks like a fresh start. It won't last and it sounds like you know that from experience. How long will it take him to blow the house payment on drugs and get kicked out? It usually took my ex a few weeks to lose a job, spend the rent money on drugs or partying, abuse me until I had to quit a job to run away from him or get arrested. It's a cycle that can only be broken when your husband stops using and you can't make him do it.
I'm sure that he's an amazing guy when he's clean. Most of the addicts that brought people here are wonderful people when they're sober. He just doesn't want to be sober and you don't deserve to spend your life waiting for someone who may never return. You deserve a whole lot better.
Your husband has made it clear that he's not the one. He's chosen his addiction to be the love of his life. While I know that it hurts to hear it, it's something that anyone who's loved an addict needs to hear and accept. He's chosen to support and nurture his addiction, rather than his relationship with you. He's put his addiction above your safety and well being. You deserve someone who will put you first and it sounds like you know that. It just takes some time for your heart to understand what your mind already knows.
He may be doing well now and have what looks like a fresh start. It won't last and it sounds like you know that from experience. How long will it take him to blow the house payment on drugs and get kicked out? It usually took my ex a few weeks to lose a job, spend the rent money on drugs or partying, abuse me until I had to quit a job to run away from him or get arrested. It's a cycle that can only be broken when your husband stops using and you can't make him do it.
I'm sure that he's an amazing guy when he's clean. Most of the addicts that brought people here are wonderful people when they're sober. He just doesn't want to be sober and you don't deserve to spend your life waiting for someone who may never return. You deserve a whole lot better.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Let yourself cry. You need to grieve. As you do, you will find yourself crying less over time as you start to pick up the pieces. I'm sorry drugs have taken over your husband.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I am sorry you are hurting right now. Allow yourself time to grieve fully. Here is a link to a post that was posted a couple of day ago. It's great reading.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...p-hard-do.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...p-hard-do.html
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
