Addict step brother destroying family
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 7
Addict step brother destroying family
This is going to get long. My apologies for the novel. I'm pretty frustrated by the whole situation.
My mom has been with her fiance for a year now and, for the most part, he's great. The issue is with his youngest son, who's an admitted addict. He openly smokes weed and has told me that he's addicted to prescription opiates and cocaine. There was also a mention of using meth. When the drug conversations come up, I tend to excuse myself because I really don't want to know.
I have some pretty rough history with drug addicts. My late father was a horrible alcoholic and he got extremely violent when he drank. My bio brother and I both experimented a little in college, me more than he did, but... Meh. Neither one of us drinks or does any other kind of drugs, because we both remember how awful Dad was.
I also dated a guy (that I met in church, ironically enough) who got hooked on meth and lived a nightmare for months. His use caused amphetamine psychosis and he got extremely paranoid and violent. He beat me up on a regular basis and... There are things I'm just not ready to talk about. He ended up trying to kill me, our neighbors called the police and I moved across the country while he was in jail. He escaped from house arrest to get high sometime during the spring, but... not my circus, not my monkeys.
Suffice it to say that I can't deal with being around addicts and try to avoid it. I can't seem to avoid my step brother, though. I've tried and insisted that my parents respect my request to tell me when he's coming over, so I can leave. He sets off my PTSD and is so vile and disgusting that I feel sick after having to deal with him. He's propositioned me for sex repeatedly, is constantly talking about perverse things and actually got mad at me because I wouldn't use with him.
My mom and my step father were in SERIOUS denial about his problems, partially because they believe his lies and partially because they don't want to believe the truth. They want to believe that he's a great person and have even tried to convince me to hire him for odd jobs. He's not allowed at my house because he kicked my 6 month old puppy and both dogs will attack him if he comes in the house. My parents have the same problem, because he's kicked their dogs too. He's said awful things in front of them but they "didn't pay attention."
The latest blowup was when my parents asked him to paint their house. It was a simple job that should have taken 2-3 days and most people could do it, but I told the beforehand not to hire him. I told them that it would be a disaster, just like every other time they've hired him to do something. It was.
10 days after he started, he still wasn't finished. He'd show up at 7 pm, paint until 2 am and spend the rest of the time rifling through the house with his girlfriend or leave to go... somewhere. He'd also just disappear for days. The work that he did do was crap, he ruined other walls that had to be fixed and got paint everywhere, including the kitchen cabinets, the couch and even watered down paint all over their cars.
His last day of painting was Sunday. He showed up late afternoon and immediately started demanding money. He was told that he wouldn't be paid until he finished and threw a fit, but calmed down enough to start working. When dinner time rolled around, he got a phone call from a drug dealer and quite obviously set up a drug buy... While we all stood there watching. I mean, quantities and prices were discussed. It was astounding. He packed up and left, but then turned around and got belligerent with my mother. It got to the point that he was physically blocking her from moving, threatened to hit her and drew his arm back like he was going to do it. I carry a handgun and had my hand on it the entire time. My step father redirected him, but I sincerely thought he was going to hit my elderly mother. He was given some money and left, but started sending abusive text messages to both of them after he left. He took all of their paint, some tools/ supplies, some alcohol and stole money from my purse before the blow up. It was planned.
There's more details but this post is long enough as it is.
My parents swear that they're done with him. I've heard this before. Every time they've hired him to do something, it ends up like this, although this is the first time he's gotten nasty with my mom. My parents cool off, a holiday comes around and they make up with him. I have no reason to believe that it's going to be any different this time.
I can't deal with this anymore. I was so upset when I left after that argument that I had to pull over to throw up. This is also making me legitimately fear for my mother's safety. If he's there and I'm not, there's nothing that I can do to protect her. My biological brother and I talked yesterday and have decided that, if step brother is allowed back into the house, that we're going to take steps to end this relationship.
In a lot of ways, this is a huge red flag. I get that my step father lives his son and wants to believe that he's a good person. This denial, while understandable, could hurt my mother. It could kill my mother. My step brother may be a great guy when he's sober, but he's not sober and he's a monster when he's using. He has a responsibility to protect my mother, but enabling his addict son supersedes that. This bothers me on every level.
In the midst of all of this, I work full time and I'm working on a Masters in biomedical engineering. I really need the help and support of my family, but they're so worried about him and I'm the only one around to clean up his messes. It has affected my school, it's affected my job and generally makes me miserable whenever he's involved in anything. Even when he's not involved, he's a regular topic of conversation.
I'm caught in a position where I can either protect myself or try to protect my mom and I shouldn't be here in the first place. Really, I don't know what to think or how to handle this. If it were just me, it would be easy, but it's not.
Thanks for listening.
My mom has been with her fiance for a year now and, for the most part, he's great. The issue is with his youngest son, who's an admitted addict. He openly smokes weed and has told me that he's addicted to prescription opiates and cocaine. There was also a mention of using meth. When the drug conversations come up, I tend to excuse myself because I really don't want to know.
I have some pretty rough history with drug addicts. My late father was a horrible alcoholic and he got extremely violent when he drank. My bio brother and I both experimented a little in college, me more than he did, but... Meh. Neither one of us drinks or does any other kind of drugs, because we both remember how awful Dad was.
I also dated a guy (that I met in church, ironically enough) who got hooked on meth and lived a nightmare for months. His use caused amphetamine psychosis and he got extremely paranoid and violent. He beat me up on a regular basis and... There are things I'm just not ready to talk about. He ended up trying to kill me, our neighbors called the police and I moved across the country while he was in jail. He escaped from house arrest to get high sometime during the spring, but... not my circus, not my monkeys.
Suffice it to say that I can't deal with being around addicts and try to avoid it. I can't seem to avoid my step brother, though. I've tried and insisted that my parents respect my request to tell me when he's coming over, so I can leave. He sets off my PTSD and is so vile and disgusting that I feel sick after having to deal with him. He's propositioned me for sex repeatedly, is constantly talking about perverse things and actually got mad at me because I wouldn't use with him.
My mom and my step father were in SERIOUS denial about his problems, partially because they believe his lies and partially because they don't want to believe the truth. They want to believe that he's a great person and have even tried to convince me to hire him for odd jobs. He's not allowed at my house because he kicked my 6 month old puppy and both dogs will attack him if he comes in the house. My parents have the same problem, because he's kicked their dogs too. He's said awful things in front of them but they "didn't pay attention."
The latest blowup was when my parents asked him to paint their house. It was a simple job that should have taken 2-3 days and most people could do it, but I told the beforehand not to hire him. I told them that it would be a disaster, just like every other time they've hired him to do something. It was.
10 days after he started, he still wasn't finished. He'd show up at 7 pm, paint until 2 am and spend the rest of the time rifling through the house with his girlfriend or leave to go... somewhere. He'd also just disappear for days. The work that he did do was crap, he ruined other walls that had to be fixed and got paint everywhere, including the kitchen cabinets, the couch and even watered down paint all over their cars.
His last day of painting was Sunday. He showed up late afternoon and immediately started demanding money. He was told that he wouldn't be paid until he finished and threw a fit, but calmed down enough to start working. When dinner time rolled around, he got a phone call from a drug dealer and quite obviously set up a drug buy... While we all stood there watching. I mean, quantities and prices were discussed. It was astounding. He packed up and left, but then turned around and got belligerent with my mother. It got to the point that he was physically blocking her from moving, threatened to hit her and drew his arm back like he was going to do it. I carry a handgun and had my hand on it the entire time. My step father redirected him, but I sincerely thought he was going to hit my elderly mother. He was given some money and left, but started sending abusive text messages to both of them after he left. He took all of their paint, some tools/ supplies, some alcohol and stole money from my purse before the blow up. It was planned.
There's more details but this post is long enough as it is.
My parents swear that they're done with him. I've heard this before. Every time they've hired him to do something, it ends up like this, although this is the first time he's gotten nasty with my mom. My parents cool off, a holiday comes around and they make up with him. I have no reason to believe that it's going to be any different this time.
I can't deal with this anymore. I was so upset when I left after that argument that I had to pull over to throw up. This is also making me legitimately fear for my mother's safety. If he's there and I'm not, there's nothing that I can do to protect her. My biological brother and I talked yesterday and have decided that, if step brother is allowed back into the house, that we're going to take steps to end this relationship.
In a lot of ways, this is a huge red flag. I get that my step father lives his son and wants to believe that he's a good person. This denial, while understandable, could hurt my mother. It could kill my mother. My step brother may be a great guy when he's sober, but he's not sober and he's a monster when he's using. He has a responsibility to protect my mother, but enabling his addict son supersedes that. This bothers me on every level.
In the midst of all of this, I work full time and I'm working on a Masters in biomedical engineering. I really need the help and support of my family, but they're so worried about him and I'm the only one around to clean up his messes. It has affected my school, it's affected my job and generally makes me miserable whenever he's involved in anything. Even when he's not involved, he's a regular topic of conversation.
I'm caught in a position where I can either protect myself or try to protect my mom and I shouldn't be here in the first place. Really, I don't know what to think or how to handle this. If it were just me, it would be easy, but it's not.
Thanks for listening.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome Cali.
Sadly, nothing you do or don't do will change your step brother, only he can change himself and it doesn't sound like he is anywhere near ready.
You also cannot change your mother or your family, they too must find their own way, although I cannot help but recommend that you all find support groups where you each can work through your issues and find a better way to live.
Your experience with addiction has shown you how it destroys the lives it touches, it is truly a family disease.
You are old enough to hold a job and go to school both. Perhaps you would be eligible for some student aid financially if you were not living at home?
Nothing is worth living in a home where addiction lives. Not a career, nothing, so I hope you will check into alternative living arrangements.
Whatever you decide, we are walking with you here.
Hugs
Sadly, nothing you do or don't do will change your step brother, only he can change himself and it doesn't sound like he is anywhere near ready.
You also cannot change your mother or your family, they too must find their own way, although I cannot help but recommend that you all find support groups where you each can work through your issues and find a better way to live.
Your experience with addiction has shown you how it destroys the lives it touches, it is truly a family disease.
You are old enough to hold a job and go to school both. Perhaps you would be eligible for some student aid financially if you were not living at home?
Nothing is worth living in a home where addiction lives. Not a career, nothing, so I hope you will check into alternative living arrangements.
Whatever you decide, we are walking with you here.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 7
I don't live at home anymore and own a house about 30 minutes away from my mom. Step brother doesn't live with them either but he stays in the guest room when he's doing work for them. We're both in our late 30's and our parents are in their late 60's. The fact that I'm in school throws everybody off, but I'm returning after 20 years for a Masters 
I know that I can't change anybody's behavior or fix step brothers problems. Really, I hope he ends up in prison, because it will keep my parents safe and maybe this time he'll figure out that drugs are a bad idea. Not holding my breath on the last part, but at least he won't be on the streets victimizing others and risking an OD or worse.
If it weren't for my mom, I'd have walked away from this when I found out that step brother is an active addict. I have a zero tolerance policy for substance abuse and have no problem removing that from my life. My parents... Not so much.
My mom and I have been through a lot together, throughout my life, and I still very much feel a need to protect her. I'm also watching her get older and become more vulnerable as she does. That's a big part of why I stayed here after my late step father passed away. She is incredibly naieve about the potential here. She and my step father are stunned that he stole from them, while I totally saw it coming and everybody here probably could have predicted it too. I think that my step father is more in denial than anything else. Naievity. Denial.
Both are equally destructive.
I'm not even 100% sure what I need. I guess I need to find a way to balance my well being with my (self imposed) responsibility to look after her. I did try to attend support group meetings but, with my schedule and responsibilities, I have a hard time finding 10 minutes to wash my hair sometimes.
They've assured me that he's not welcome in the house and have changed the locks. I'm predicting that it will last until step brothers girlfriend passes on (she's terminally ill) and they feel sorry for him. I hope I'm wrong this time but, if I am, it would be a first.
I know that I can't change anybody's behavior or fix step brothers problems. Really, I hope he ends up in prison, because it will keep my parents safe and maybe this time he'll figure out that drugs are a bad idea. Not holding my breath on the last part, but at least he won't be on the streets victimizing others and risking an OD or worse.
If it weren't for my mom, I'd have walked away from this when I found out that step brother is an active addict. I have a zero tolerance policy for substance abuse and have no problem removing that from my life. My parents... Not so much.
My mom and I have been through a lot together, throughout my life, and I still very much feel a need to protect her. I'm also watching her get older and become more vulnerable as she does. That's a big part of why I stayed here after my late step father passed away. She is incredibly naieve about the potential here. She and my step father are stunned that he stole from them, while I totally saw it coming and everybody here probably could have predicted it too. I think that my step father is more in denial than anything else. Naievity. Denial.
Both are equally destructive.
I'm not even 100% sure what I need. I guess I need to find a way to balance my well being with my (self imposed) responsibility to look after her. I did try to attend support group meetings but, with my schedule and responsibilities, I have a hard time finding 10 minutes to wash my hair sometimes.
They've assured me that he's not welcome in the house and have changed the locks. I'm predicting that it will last until step brothers girlfriend passes on (she's terminally ill) and they feel sorry for him. I hope I'm wrong this time but, if I am, it would be a first.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
H, Cali. Welcome to SR.
You are in a tough situation, for sure. I have an enabling mom and an alcohol addicted sib who lives with her.
Not the same as what you are going through, but I know well the discomfort and frustration of trying to deal with an impaired person, and have often been in the position of fixing something he has messed up in the house.
I think that you really must decide what is best for you.
Your mom is an adult and she has the right to make her choices, even though you may not agree with them.
One of the hardest things for me growing up was to see my parents make excuses
For my sib, to give him a pass on behaviors that my other sib and I didnt get.
I believe now, after many years in Al-Anon, that they were doing the best they could, that dealing with my sib baffled and dismayed them.
I recommend trying out some Al-Anon meetings. It can be a strong source of support for you.
I know you are worried about your mom, but you simply cannot protect her 24/7.
She will have to figure this one out for herself.
If your life and work are being impacted by this terrible man, then you should stay away from him.
Hard decision, I know.
Good luck.
You are in a tough situation, for sure. I have an enabling mom and an alcohol addicted sib who lives with her.
Not the same as what you are going through, but I know well the discomfort and frustration of trying to deal with an impaired person, and have often been in the position of fixing something he has messed up in the house.
I think that you really must decide what is best for you.
Your mom is an adult and she has the right to make her choices, even though you may not agree with them.
One of the hardest things for me growing up was to see my parents make excuses
For my sib, to give him a pass on behaviors that my other sib and I didnt get.
I believe now, after many years in Al-Anon, that they were doing the best they could, that dealing with my sib baffled and dismayed them.
I recommend trying out some Al-Anon meetings. It can be a strong source of support for you.
I know you are worried about your mom, but you simply cannot protect her 24/7.
She will have to figure this one out for herself.
If your life and work are being impacted by this terrible man, then you should stay away from him.
Hard decision, I know.
Good luck.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Welcome to the Board. I'm glad you took the step to post. Let's cut to the chase. This stood out:
I commend you for pursuing a graduate degree in the hard sciences. I can tell you from first hand experience that it will pay off for you down the road, both in terms of financial gain and career opportunities. But in order to enjoy those spoils of war, you first need to survive graduate school, which even under the least trying of circumstances is difficult. In order to survive graduate school, your focus needs to be on things you can affect. Your step brother is not one of those things.
The thing is...for all of your intellectual firepower, this is one problem you can't solve. There is no closed form or approximate solution to this problem. Your step brother is going to do whatever it he does. Neither you nor anyone else can prevent this from happening. All you can do is accept this, then hunker down and finish your Masters as best you can, with 100% commitment.
The best way I can describe your step brother in a way you may appreciate is he's a closed loop system. There is no outside input to this system. All there is are his desires and needs, and those desires and needs feed back onto itself such that the system grows increasingly unstable. At some point, it'll go BOOM!!, and when it does, you want to be as far away from that as you can.
Keep posting, and again, Welcome to the Board.
In the midst of all of this, I work full time and I'm working on a Masters in biomedical engineering. I really need the help and support of my family, but they're so worried about him and I'm the only one around to clean up his messes. It has affected my school, it's affected my job and generally makes me miserable whenever he's involved in anything. Even when he's not involved, he's a regular topic of conversation.
The thing is...for all of your intellectual firepower, this is one problem you can't solve. There is no closed form or approximate solution to this problem. Your step brother is going to do whatever it he does. Neither you nor anyone else can prevent this from happening. All you can do is accept this, then hunker down and finish your Masters as best you can, with 100% commitment.
The best way I can describe your step brother in a way you may appreciate is he's a closed loop system. There is no outside input to this system. All there is are his desires and needs, and those desires and needs feed back onto itself such that the system grows increasingly unstable. At some point, it'll go BOOM!!, and when it does, you want to be as far away from that as you can.
Keep posting, and again, Welcome to the Board.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I also got my Masters in my mid-thirties. I probably aged ten years going through the experience, but I learned so much and am forever grateful that I had the resources to swing it.
OK. Back to the regular program.
Detach detach detach.
My sister has been messing around with substances since she was a teen. It's usually pot, although when she was younger she drank like a fish. My father, in particular, has been her enabler. We used to have long, protracted arguments about the way he treated her. He would entrust her with tasks in the hope she could somehow prove her self-worth, but she couldn't handle 1) remembering what time she was supposed to show up 2) being relied upon to take care of somebody, in this case my mother, who at the time was dying of cancer (I was shaking my head with sympathy as I read how your parents hoped your step-brother would paint their house.).
My parents are elderly too, and one concept that helped me make peace with their choices is that they treasure their independence more that their safety. They don't want to be treated as children, nor do they want their decisions to be examined under constant scrutiny. It doesn't matter if it's about my sister, the way that they refuse nursing care, whatever. They want to be recognized and respected as fully cognizant human beings. Arguing about how they should do this or that doesn't accomplish that one bit.
So as much as you want to protect your mother, realize that the help and advice you give her may be perceived as an absolute insult. She is an adult, as is her husband, and as much as you want to correct them, there gets to be a point where you can no longer be the messenger. Perhaps the new messenger is experience. Perhaps the messenger is an uninvolved third party. But if they do not want you to be in that role, you can be screaming this or that until the cows come home and it won't do a whit of good.
So take care of yourself, welcome yourself to the club of those who pursued graduate degrees somewhat later in life, and keep posting/attend Al-Anon when you can. I can say that SR for me has been instrumental in my own healing. Perhaps you may end up claiming the same.
OK. Back to the regular program.
Detach detach detach.
My sister has been messing around with substances since she was a teen. It's usually pot, although when she was younger she drank like a fish. My father, in particular, has been her enabler. We used to have long, protracted arguments about the way he treated her. He would entrust her with tasks in the hope she could somehow prove her self-worth, but she couldn't handle 1) remembering what time she was supposed to show up 2) being relied upon to take care of somebody, in this case my mother, who at the time was dying of cancer (I was shaking my head with sympathy as I read how your parents hoped your step-brother would paint their house.).
My parents are elderly too, and one concept that helped me make peace with their choices is that they treasure their independence more that their safety. They don't want to be treated as children, nor do they want their decisions to be examined under constant scrutiny. It doesn't matter if it's about my sister, the way that they refuse nursing care, whatever. They want to be recognized and respected as fully cognizant human beings. Arguing about how they should do this or that doesn't accomplish that one bit.
So as much as you want to protect your mother, realize that the help and advice you give her may be perceived as an absolute insult. She is an adult, as is her husband, and as much as you want to correct them, there gets to be a point where you can no longer be the messenger. Perhaps the new messenger is experience. Perhaps the messenger is an uninvolved third party. But if they do not want you to be in that role, you can be screaming this or that until the cows come home and it won't do a whit of good.
So take care of yourself, welcome yourself to the club of those who pursued graduate degrees somewhat later in life, and keep posting/attend Al-Anon when you can. I can say that SR for me has been instrumental in my own healing. Perhaps you may end up claiming the same.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 7
My step brother is going to wind up dead or in prison. That's just the reality of the situation and it's less painful to just not care. I hope he'll turn his life around but I know he probably won't. He's like every other addict out there and will end up like every other addict usually does. His choice. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
I think it was just the experience of watching him physically threaten my elderly parents and that visceral fear of what he could do to them that's getting to me. The fact that I had to stand there and consider how to stop him from beating up my elderly parents... It's not something that I'm dealing well with. Lots of emotional fallout and PTSD anxiety, plus catching up on work that I should have done over the weekend, but dealt with his outburst instead.
I am going to see about attending meetings if/when I can. I think I'll encourage my mom to come with me, if for nothing else but to let someone else show her what addiction really is and that step brother isn't different than any other addict out there.
I think it was just the experience of watching him physically threaten my elderly parents and that visceral fear of what he could do to them that's getting to me. The fact that I had to stand there and consider how to stop him from beating up my elderly parents... It's not something that I'm dealing well with. Lots of emotional fallout and PTSD anxiety, plus catching up on work that I should have done over the weekend, but dealt with his outburst instead.
I am going to see about attending meetings if/when I can. I think I'll encourage my mom to come with me, if for nothing else but to let someone else show her what addiction really is and that step brother isn't different than any other addict out there.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes, I was going to say that, take your mom to a few meetings! Also, call the police when he behaves in that manner. You don't have to have their permission to do so, and tell them in advance, now, since they are not feeling sorry for him at this time, that is what you plan to do.
The best thing would be to have a protection order or a restraining order against him. Even if it's only paper, it would make it so if he comes around, he would be arrested. I agree with you, prison would likely be the best place for him, although I would not count on that. The prisons are overwhelmed trying to support addicts. Horrible.
Big hugs to you. Keep posting, you are not alone. And congratulations on your journey to your Masters!
The best thing would be to have a protection order or a restraining order against him. Even if it's only paper, it would make it so if he comes around, he would be arrested. I agree with you, prison would likely be the best place for him, although I would not count on that. The prisons are overwhelmed trying to support addicts. Horrible.
Big hugs to you. Keep posting, you are not alone. And congratulations on your journey to your Masters!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 7
I had a sit down with my mom today and told her that, if she lets step brother come over or hires him to do anything, I will stop it. I also let her know that I talked to bio brother about it and he agrees with me. I think she's ready to be done with him, but isn't sure about step father.
My parents don't have issues with me taking care of them or doing things that may seem to compromise their independence. They know that they can't be totally independent anymore. The argument is the fact that, despite his problems, step brother is his son and it's hard to see him for the addict that he is. I get that. I had a hard time letting go of my addict ex too.
Step brother did text step father, wondering why they never got in touch with him and when do they want him to finish the painting. Seriously. 4 days after he threw a fit, bullied my mom and stole from all of us. I don't know what in the world his thought process could be. Does he not remember? Does he think it's not a big deal? Does he think that he can soak them for more money? They haven't gotten back to him and likely wont. The ban is holding... so far, so that's good.
My parents don't have issues with me taking care of them or doing things that may seem to compromise their independence. They know that they can't be totally independent anymore. The argument is the fact that, despite his problems, step brother is his son and it's hard to see him for the addict that he is. I get that. I had a hard time letting go of my addict ex too.
Step brother did text step father, wondering why they never got in touch with him and when do they want him to finish the painting. Seriously. 4 days after he threw a fit, bullied my mom and stole from all of us. I don't know what in the world his thought process could be. Does he not remember? Does he think it's not a big deal? Does he think that he can soak them for more money? They haven't gotten back to him and likely wont. The ban is holding... so far, so that's good.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
It's pretty classic for addicts to:
#1: Not remember just how bad their behavior was
#2: Want to pretend it never happened, thus making you feel like a crazy person.
Sadly, just classic addict behavior. I get that it's hard for step dad, that being his son. However, him enabling him is only contributing to his addiction. That's the reality.
Big hugs to you.
#1: Not remember just how bad their behavior was
#2: Want to pretend it never happened, thus making you feel like a crazy person.
Sadly, just classic addict behavior. I get that it's hard for step dad, that being his son. However, him enabling him is only contributing to his addiction. That's the reality.
Big hugs to you.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I don't know what in the world his thought process could be. Does he not remember? Does he think it's not a big deal? Does he think that he can soak them for more money?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by zoso77 
I think it's important to remember what he thinks is not important vis-à-vis what you need to do to protect yourself. Your job is to look after you, not try to figure out what other people are thinking and what their motivations are.
My parents are pretty insulated, as they live in a neighborhood with gates and security. He's not likely to think about bothering me and the fact that I have "vicious" dogs (they're sweethearts to just about everyone, but they hate him) and watchful neighbors is a huge deterrent.
I'm trying to avoid being blindsided and coming up with a plan for what to do. It helps to avoid those moments of panic and anxiety. I cope better when I have a plan of action, rather than trying to figure things out as they come.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by hopeful4
#2: Want to pretend it never happened, thus making you feel like a crazy person.
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