Sleepless nights feeling hopeless.
 

My boyfriend of 2 years whom i live with experoenced a passing of a grandparent whom has raised him. He is 23 and i am 21. When we first met i was aware he enjoyed occasionally drinking and had experimented with drugs. After the passing, he has gone to binging cocaine for nights on end. Ive tried to offer support and couseling in which he agrees to but never follow through.
He spends all the money he earns on coke aswell as lying and hiding the drug use from me. Ive gone from a caring girlfriend to someone who has to manage his social medias and bank so prevent the use. He claims im controlling but as soon and he is given those things back he almost immediately goes to get high.

He is influenced by his friends who live this lifestyle as well. Its been countless night of him dissapearing not getting ahold of me for days on end. Then coming back apologizing just for the cycle to begin again. I feel hopeless. Tired and worthless. No answer to calls ot texts just to see hes okay. I dont understand how he goes from loving me one day then when he binges he pretends i dont exist. He blames his addiction of grief yet hes been doing it before the passing.
Just needing some help i am desperate

Thanks.

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I can tell you from experience that you need to save yourself and let him go. He is spiraling out of control and taking you down with him. You can't save him no matter what you do. (Trust me, I tried for 3 years to save my fiancee and am still paying the price.)

Go to therapy. Use your family and friends for support. Keep posting here. Find a support group. Try to eat and sleep.

You Will get through this

[QUOTE=OT4Kids;6493533]I am so sorry for what you are going through

Its almost an addiction itself, trying so hard to save someone in hopes of being rewarded with the life imagined if they sober. Thank you for the feedback it means a lot i found this site on a desperate whim trying to understand.

AM- you cannot control others. What may seem like helping - can be just enabling and for you- co-dependency stuff over time. Look after you fist- do not put you life on hold for someone who is not willing to look after themselves. If a person does not look after themselves- they do not care or show support for others.

Sweetie, you are not the manager of your boyfriend's social media or bank account. You trying to control his use is not going to work. The only thing it is going to do is drive you nuts. Your boyfriend will continue to use with or without your "prevention". They have many ways of getting drugs and no matter how much you love them and how hard you try, you are not going to stop his addiction. It's bigger than the both of you.

What you can do is take care of yourself. When your boyfriend disappears for days and then comes back, don't answer his calls or texts. Create a space for yourself that is separate from the addict. Create some boundaries for yourself that will protect you and your sanity. Don't give him money, don't buy into his bs excuses and don't try to control him.

It's almost impossible for an addict to love someone else because they do not love themselves, the drug of choice is their partner and they will let nothing stand in the way of themselves and their DOC.

I 'm not going to tell you to leave or stay because that decision is totally up to you but I will suggest finding an Al-Anon meeting to meet people face to face who are dealing with the same things you are dealing with. It won't give you some magic tool to help your addict but it will give you the tools to help yourself.

Please keep posting and sharing, you will find a lot of wisdom and strength here.

[QUOTE=AngieMay;6493534] Yes!!! Trying to save my AH became an addiction in and of itself. I became obsessed with trying to get him clean that I lost myself in the process.

Keep reading the posts on this forum, I think you will find a lot of good information that can help you.

If you choose to stay with him and hope to have good health yourself you're going to need to learn to detach. Focus on yourself. Let go. But, you may not be able to do that and find that the best solution is to end the relationship before it drives you crazy. It's impossible to "manage" his addiction. If he wants to use badly enough, he'll find a way. Addicts can be amazingly resourceful. Addiction is cunning. Take the best of care of yourself.