Wife becoming distant in sober living house
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2
Wife becoming distant in sober living house
Hi my wife finished 2.5 months in a rehab facility for drinking and benzo addiction. She is now currently living in a sober living house. Prior to going to rehab we were on rough grounds and she moved out for 2 weeks until she finally went to rehab. After leaving rehab and going to sober living house she said she wanted her family back and loves me. Now 3 weeks in she is becoming more distant and seems to want to stay there with her sober living freinds then be with her family.she just told me this last weekend she doesn't think moving back home with me is a good idea because I'm not doing the work on my end such as going to meetings. I went to a meeting tonight and found it helpful but the 1 question I didn't have answered is this normal behavior? It almost feels like she having an affair or getting feelings for someone at rehab, that she all of a sudden is changing her mind on working for our family.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 18
Is this a co-ed sober living house?
I went through this with my BF. When he first got out of rehab and moved into sober living, I felt like our connection was better than ever…but about a couple weeks into sober living, he got a little distant. I think it just has to do with the fact that there’s a lot going on. They are dealing with a lot emotionally and a lot of it is overwhelming. Also, I don’t think sober living is particularly “fun”. I know for my BF, I think a lot of his distance came from the fact that he didn’t like the situation he had gotten himself into.
Addicts like to play the blame game, and it sounds like she may be putting the blame on you to justify her distance right now. On the other hand, maybe “doing the work” on your end couldn’t hurt. Leave her alone a little bit to focus on her treatment right now. Just do whatever you need to do for yourself. Sometimes a little space apart can be a very good thing, even if it feels awful right now.
I went through this with my BF. When he first got out of rehab and moved into sober living, I felt like our connection was better than ever…but about a couple weeks into sober living, he got a little distant. I think it just has to do with the fact that there’s a lot going on. They are dealing with a lot emotionally and a lot of it is overwhelming. Also, I don’t think sober living is particularly “fun”. I know for my BF, I think a lot of his distance came from the fact that he didn’t like the situation he had gotten himself into.
Addicts like to play the blame game, and it sounds like she may be putting the blame on you to justify her distance right now. On the other hand, maybe “doing the work” on your end couldn’t hurt. Leave her alone a little bit to focus on her treatment right now. Just do whatever you need to do for yourself. Sometimes a little space apart can be a very good thing, even if it feels awful right now.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Jmess. Welcome to SR.
I don't have experience with rehab, so can't speak to it.
But...I understand from this site that experience like yours is not uncommon.
Rehab, sober living, are all in place to help the addict.
Rehab helps with the physical withdrawal and, hopefully, addresses the underlying reasons for the addictive behavior.
Sober living helps transition back to everyday living.
Your wife is safe. Not using, we assume.
Coming back from alcohol and pill addiction is hard, hard work. It is going to take everything she has to stay in recovery.
Ultimately, it is her journey. No one can say what the future brings.
Let her work her recovery while you work yours.
P.S. My sib was in sober living for two years. They, by god, kept him sober.
Peace.
I don't have experience with rehab, so can't speak to it.
But...I understand from this site that experience like yours is not uncommon.
Rehab, sober living, are all in place to help the addict.
Rehab helps with the physical withdrawal and, hopefully, addresses the underlying reasons for the addictive behavior.
Sober living helps transition back to everyday living.
Your wife is safe. Not using, we assume.
Coming back from alcohol and pill addiction is hard, hard work. It is going to take everything she has to stay in recovery.
Ultimately, it is her journey. No one can say what the future brings.
Let her work her recovery while you work yours.
P.S. My sib was in sober living for two years. They, by god, kept him sober.
Peace.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by HurricaneJ 
Is this a co-ed sober living house?
I went through this with my BF. When he first got out of rehab and moved into sober living, I felt like our connection was better than ever…but about a couple weeks into sober living, he got a little distant. I think it just has to do with the fact that there’s a lot going on. They are dealing with a lot emotionally and a lot of it is overwhelming. Also, I don’t think sober living is particularly “fun”. I know for my BF, I think a lot of his distance came from the fact that he didn’t like the situation he had gotten himself into.
Addicts like to play the blame game, and it sounds like she may be putting the blame on you to justify her distance right now. On the other hand, maybe “doing the work” on your end couldn’t hurt. Leave her alone a little bit to focus on her treatment right now. Just do whatever you need to do for yourself. Sometimes a little space apart can be a very good thing, even if it feels awful right now.
I went through this with my BF. When he first got out of rehab and moved into sober living, I felt like our connection was better than ever…but about a couple weeks into sober living, he got a little distant. I think it just has to do with the fact that there’s a lot going on. They are dealing with a lot emotionally and a lot of it is overwhelming. Also, I don’t think sober living is particularly “fun”. I know for my BF, I think a lot of his distance came from the fact that he didn’t like the situation he had gotten himself into.
Addicts like to play the blame game, and it sounds like she may be putting the blame on you to justify her distance right now. On the other hand, maybe “doing the work” on your end couldn’t hurt. Leave her alone a little bit to focus on her treatment right now. Just do whatever you need to do for yourself. Sometimes a little space apart can be a very good thing, even if it feels awful right now.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
It may very well be that she may. Sober living is a trial time, and not all people can pass the trial.
She is going to do what she is going to do. It's hurtful and even more so with two children. I hope she decides to make the right decisions.
She is going to do what she is going to do. It's hurtful and even more so with two children. I hope she decides to make the right decisions.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 80
Hi jmess
For me as a dad with 2 kids.
I spent a great bit of time trying to understand my now XAW's addiction and why she did what she did too us and herself.
I have in the past 4 to 6 months really started working to understand myself and work on me. It is helping me greatly.
One thing I look back and see is while I was so wrapped up in my emotions and trying to figure her out. I wasn't giving my kids and myself what we truly needed.
My kids really needed me more than ever and I wish I would have focused the attention I was giving addiction on them and myself.
I definity recommend making yourself and the kids your focus. I can't say what's going to happen with you and your wife.
I know you and your kids can be strong and healthy with your leadership.
Take care of yourself. I'll say a prayer for yall.
TD
For me as a dad with 2 kids.
I spent a great bit of time trying to understand my now XAW's addiction and why she did what she did too us and herself.
I have in the past 4 to 6 months really started working to understand myself and work on me. It is helping me greatly.
One thing I look back and see is while I was so wrapped up in my emotions and trying to figure her out. I wasn't giving my kids and myself what we truly needed.
My kids really needed me more than ever and I wish I would have focused the attention I was giving addiction on them and myself.
I definity recommend making yourself and the kids your focus. I can't say what's going to happen with you and your wife.
I know you and your kids can be strong and healthy with your leadership.
Take care of yourself. I'll say a prayer for yall.
TD
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