wife in rehab part 2 BPD , just got the dumping
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 19
I think your right solictude. The things she did to me and the kids were unreal.
I feel offended by her. I was 4 years getting her in rehab. It was so hard to get funding. Even her doctor told me If she didnt go when she did she would be dead.
Then she turns round and does this. She wouldnt be there if it wasnt for me. She wouldnt be alive. I am at home looking after HER children, not mine.
She told her parents yesterday, she is afraid I will turn her kids against her. I would never dream of that. she knows that is not in my character.
All i ever wanted is give her the chance of being a mum and a partner, and happy. Thats it.
My grandad died this morning. He loved her dearly. Her parents called the rehab to let her know, I dont expect anything. Il probably get a letter saying sorry followed up by how bad I am for making her use drugs and gambling. She firmly believes it was because of me, because she wouldnt have done it if she were single. Even though when she was single she was worse and blamed it on her ex! she cannot accept responsibility, she cannot make amends.
I wasnt perfect, but I never did anything in this relationship to hurt her. She cant even give specifics.
Im offended and hurt. Alone and looking after her children. Whilst taking her passive borderline abuse. Her parents make it worse by validating. As they dont want her coming to their place if it all goes pear shaped!
i shouldnt have bothered. Would have been 2 funerals this week I expect.
worse thing is I love her to bits, I gave her an opportunity that nobody has ever given her by getting her the rehab.
I will heal. I will be fine. I will be happy.
And you can bet the day that comes is the day she will be sorry and want to come back.
I feel offended by her. I was 4 years getting her in rehab. It was so hard to get funding. Even her doctor told me If she didnt go when she did she would be dead.
Then she turns round and does this. She wouldnt be there if it wasnt for me. She wouldnt be alive. I am at home looking after HER children, not mine.
She told her parents yesterday, she is afraid I will turn her kids against her. I would never dream of that. she knows that is not in my character.
All i ever wanted is give her the chance of being a mum and a partner, and happy. Thats it.
My grandad died this morning. He loved her dearly. Her parents called the rehab to let her know, I dont expect anything. Il probably get a letter saying sorry followed up by how bad I am for making her use drugs and gambling. She firmly believes it was because of me, because she wouldnt have done it if she were single. Even though when she was single she was worse and blamed it on her ex! she cannot accept responsibility, she cannot make amends.
I wasnt perfect, but I never did anything in this relationship to hurt her. She cant even give specifics.
Im offended and hurt. Alone and looking after her children. Whilst taking her passive borderline abuse. Her parents make it worse by validating. As they dont want her coming to their place if it all goes pear shaped!
i shouldnt have bothered. Would have been 2 funerals this week I expect.
worse thing is I love her to bits, I gave her an opportunity that nobody has ever given her by getting her the rehab.
I will heal. I will be fine. I will be happy.
And you can bet the day that comes is the day she will be sorry and want to come back.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
im truly sorry for what youre going through and condolences to you and your family.
a "manager" that has only heard one side of the story. at 3 weeks. just my opinion but a "manager" of a rehab believing ANYTHING a clients says about ANYTHING at 3 weeks doesnt know jack about alcoholism,addiction, or mental disorders- absolutely no training.
it took me MONTHS before the fog wore off. took me MONTHS before i was able to see my part in EVERYTHING. until then, i blamed a shitton of everything that happened in my life and why i was how i was who i was on everyone and everything.
mark, take the words from this "manager" at face value. he/she has no clue what they are doing or saying- have no clue that alcoholism/addiction is a family disease.
its a sick person that would work at a rehab and not investigate a "clients" claims.
you are allowed to set boundaries. you are allowed to not let the abuse happen any more.
because you dont deserve it.
YOU didnt cause it.
YOU cant control it.
YOU cant cure it.
thats all on her.
a "manager" that has only heard one side of the story. at 3 weeks. just my opinion but a "manager" of a rehab believing ANYTHING a clients says about ANYTHING at 3 weeks doesnt know jack about alcoholism,addiction, or mental disorders- absolutely no training.
it took me MONTHS before the fog wore off. took me MONTHS before i was able to see my part in EVERYTHING. until then, i blamed a shitton of everything that happened in my life and why i was how i was who i was on everyone and everything.
mark, take the words from this "manager" at face value. he/she has no clue what they are doing or saying- have no clue that alcoholism/addiction is a family disease.
its a sick person that would work at a rehab and not investigate a "clients" claims.
you are allowed to set boundaries. you are allowed to not let the abuse happen any more.
because you dont deserve it.
YOU didnt cause it.
YOU cant control it.
YOU cant cure it.
thats all on her.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 19
Thanks Tomsteve, she has been in there 3 months. The first 2 months i received such nice letters about the future. Last week she wanted to come home, of course i refused as i explained to her that her treatment wasnt finished, i validated her feelings of how tough it was there etc.
A few days later this manager calls saying she now sees what part the relationship played in her addictions. I dont know what to believe. She is filled with such hate now its unreal.
A few days later this manager calls saying she now sees what part the relationship played in her addictions. I dont know what to believe. She is filled with such hate now its unreal.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Is there a chance the "manager" is just another client who was set up by your wife?
Because there isn't a halfway decent recovery counselor on the planet who would accept, let alone actively perpetuate, "my husband made me an addict." It's antithetical to every recovery school out there.
Something isn't right here.
Because there isn't a halfway decent recovery counselor on the planet who would accept, let alone actively perpetuate, "my husband made me an addict." It's antithetical to every recovery school out there.
Something isn't right here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 19
well, he is her "phase 1 " team leader. Apparently a former drug addict who now works in the rehab with the new people.
I did say to him she should not be making decisions about her relationship at all until through her treatment. I mean the whole reason she is in rehab is because her decisions have been bad!
He was adamant she was seeing clearly and said our relationship played a part in her addictions. Well of course it did! what partner is going to sit quiet when his wife is out having sex for drugs, unprotected whilst he is at home looking after the kids!!!
I said all i want is her home clean, taking baby steps in the relationship and being a mum. Christ , she owes her kids that. But hey, she has BPD so she has done a proper mick jagger and painted black.
I did say to him she should not be making decisions about her relationship at all until through her treatment. I mean the whole reason she is in rehab is because her decisions have been bad!
He was adamant she was seeing clearly and said our relationship played a part in her addictions. Well of course it did! what partner is going to sit quiet when his wife is out having sex for drugs, unprotected whilst he is at home looking after the kids!!!
I said all i want is her home clean, taking baby steps in the relationship and being a mum. Christ , she owes her kids that. But hey, she has BPD so she has done a proper mick jagger and painted black.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by markinlondon 
well, just had a call from the rehab from the manager there.
Apparently after 3 months she is seeing clearly and it was my fault???? i met her at 31, she has been on drugs since 11.
She wants to finish the relationship, im not to call or send letters. no contact at all.
The manager there said she has come out of the fog after 3 months because a week ago she stopped her BPD medication!!! so can think clearly now.
Apparently after 3 months she is seeing clearly and it was my fault???? i met her at 31, she has been on drugs since 11.
She wants to finish the relationship, im not to call or send letters. no contact at all.
The manager there said she has come out of the fog after 3 months because a week ago she stopped her BPD medication!!! so can think clearly now.
1. Why is this information being given you to through a manager ? Ending a relationship is a major major decision - why is that information being passed to you through a third party ?
2. How can anyone know what the heck they want, ONE WEEK after stopping medication ?
You might want to have a read of this thread - I had my ex telling me over and over that she wanted to stay together, and then soon after getting a new therapist, my ex told me that her therapist forced her to call me during a therapy session to end our relationship over the phone ...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6473979
Originally Posted by markinlondon
I thought rehabs were not supposed to encourage relationship changes, especially as i have only ever been supportive and never done drugs. Christ im looking after her kids who are not even mine!!!
http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-re...r-of-recovery/
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by markinlondon
i did say to him she should not be making decisions about her relationship at all until through her treatment. I mean the whole reason she is in rehab is because her decisions have been bad!
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by markinlondon
Its so strange, it all started when i refused to pick her up. she is 3 months into 12 month rehab. the venom i got down the phone was unreal. The day before she is telling her mother over the phone that she is scared i will abandon her and dont want her back. 3 days later im dumped!
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/...?topic=62033.0
There is a video about splitting here ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiZH-D17vyI
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 16
Mark
God Bless. Apologies for saying you should change your number. That was wrong- it just made me so frustrated for you to hear how all over the place your situation is with your wife. I felt I needed to right again and apologize that is not my place to say such a thing. My husband too is in rehab right now, and truly the absolute love of my life... even though he was abusive, hit me, used me, called me ever god awful name in the book towards the end of our ten years together. I don't know why I still love him. That piece confuses me too. I am forever trying to rationalize the irrational and theorize about the illogical when it comes to him and the addictions.
And now your grandfather dies. Truly you need a break right now...praying these clouds lift and take care
God Bless. Apologies for saying you should change your number. That was wrong- it just made me so frustrated for you to hear how all over the place your situation is with your wife. I felt I needed to right again and apologize that is not my place to say such a thing. My husband too is in rehab right now, and truly the absolute love of my life... even though he was abusive, hit me, used me, called me ever god awful name in the book towards the end of our ten years together. I don't know why I still love him. That piece confuses me too. I am forever trying to rationalize the irrational and theorize about the illogical when it comes to him and the addictions.
And now your grandfather dies. Truly you need a break right now...praying these clouds lift and take care
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