Damage done to his daughter and tough convo with his ex
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He's only got another 9 or 10 days there and next week is supposed to be the family therapist session, though I'm so far from the state he's in that I'll be on a call instead of in person. I think I'm too curious about what they'll say to go no contact. Yeah, I know, curiosity killed the cat!
I'm waiting for the moment. Kind of want to see how things are when he comes back. Watch some actions and save up more money.
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Originally Posted by atalose 
I’m a bit confused with the “no contact” statement. If he’s only got 9 or 10 more days before he comes home, where does this no contact fit in and why do you feel that need, because then you say…………
That was probably a convoluted post.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
dee, at this point do you PLAN to just let him come right back home? that isn't always the best idea.....
When he went through this before, he came home and used again after the first two rehabs that were set up for him by his mom. After the 3rd that he set up, he went back home and didn't touch crack for years. Got that info from his ex-wife. He told me that before, but I verified that with her. I don't know if it matters whether he comes home or not. I guess what matters is how serious he is about recovery.
Right now he sounds serious about recovery. He got saved and all that. Baptized. Embracing his higher power. I can't put much stake in what he says. I'm sure he knows recovery-speak inside and out. It will all be determined by his actions.
The kids will be with their dad for the summer, so if he comes home, they won't be around if he uses again. That's one thing I don't have to worry about right from the start.
As far as how I feel about it? Eh. If he were in a 60 day rehab, I'd feel a bit better about it. Having him physically here might be okay, might not. If he's all into recovery, he'll be busy. If he's not, I'll see what I need to see. I'm trying to hit every Naranon meeting I can to prepare for not being whatever crazy person I was before he left. I'm hoping I've detached enough. I'll be at meetings no matter what he's up to.
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I know the experience I witnessed with my ex going off to rehab was. He went into a 30-day program. The professionals recommended a step down program for another 30-60 days. That was inpatient at another facility also out of state. Once that was completed, it was recommended that he move into a sober living house while he adjusted back into life in the real world.
After he completed his first 30 days, his brain (addict not fully recovered brain) told him that he only needed another few weeks at another facility because he knows all of this stuff, he’s been there done that! After 2 weeks he was on a plane home, jumped right back into his life, went to meetings, found a new sponsor and was talking the talk of recovery and for the most part actually acting the part until he wasn’t!
He had every excuse in the book not to follow the professional advice he was given for the best chance he had at long-term recovery. He needed to work, he needed to be back home, he needed me and family around him, he knows everything he needs to do and he promised and promised he would do it. He went to meetings, found a new sponsor, found new friends and then found new Doctors and new pharmacies as well.
In my opinion, repeat relapser’s like my ex and your husband need way more then 28-30 days of inpatient. Maybe it’s worth asking that question when you do your over the phone family therapy session. Ask what aftercare plan they recommend and would a sober living environment offer him the continued recovery he desperately needs as a chronic relapse.
After he completed his first 30 days, his brain (addict not fully recovered brain) told him that he only needed another few weeks at another facility because he knows all of this stuff, he’s been there done that! After 2 weeks he was on a plane home, jumped right back into his life, went to meetings, found a new sponsor and was talking the talk of recovery and for the most part actually acting the part until he wasn’t!
He had every excuse in the book not to follow the professional advice he was given for the best chance he had at long-term recovery. He needed to work, he needed to be back home, he needed me and family around him, he knows everything he needs to do and he promised and promised he would do it. He went to meetings, found a new sponsor, found new friends and then found new Doctors and new pharmacies as well.
In my opinion, repeat relapser’s like my ex and your husband need way more then 28-30 days of inpatient. Maybe it’s worth asking that question when you do your over the phone family therapy session. Ask what aftercare plan they recommend and would a sober living environment offer him the continued recovery he desperately needs as a chronic relapse.
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Ugh, that's just scary, atalose. Mine and yours sound too much alike. If I don't keep my mind together, he'll wind up fooling me into relaxing. He'll fool himself into it too.
Yeah...I can't see how 28 days is anywhere near enough. I need more time than that to get into the habit of a good exercise program, for goodness' sakes. I'll definitely ask about that at the therapy session. I worry that he'll seem like not that big of a deal to them since he went 7 years in between and only relapsed for 2 1/2 months. Whew, I can't imagine the condition he was in years ago...that couple of months took him down hard. I don't know how there's anything left of him after years of it before. Surely they understand chronic relapsers...I hope.
Yeah...I can't see how 28 days is anywhere near enough. I need more time than that to get into the habit of a good exercise program, for goodness' sakes. I'll definitely ask about that at the therapy session. I worry that he'll seem like not that big of a deal to them since he went 7 years in between and only relapsed for 2 1/2 months. Whew, I can't imagine the condition he was in years ago...that couple of months took him down hard. I don't know how there's anything left of him after years of it before. Surely they understand chronic relapsers...I hope.
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along with him being a serial relapser, he's also a serial rehabber.
NONE of this is NEW to him.
ALL of it is new to YOU.
he's put his mom, kid and two wives now thru this. he may actually "like" this part, where all the attention is back on HIM. he gets to be the newcomer again....all claps and atta boys and kid glove treatment. that shiny, new feeling.
sounding serious about recovery is vastly different than DOING recovery. that will become self-evident. also his approach to alcohol and pot. if he doesn't go 100% clean and sober FOR GOOD then he still doesn't GET IT. if he makes any exceptions, comes up with any excuses why A, B or C won't work for him, then you know what you are really dealing with. if you hear too many I'm Sorry's or I Promise To Nevers.
more will be revealed.
NONE of this is NEW to him.
ALL of it is new to YOU.
he's put his mom, kid and two wives now thru this. he may actually "like" this part, where all the attention is back on HIM. he gets to be the newcomer again....all claps and atta boys and kid glove treatment. that shiny, new feeling.
sounding serious about recovery is vastly different than DOING recovery. that will become self-evident. also his approach to alcohol and pot. if he doesn't go 100% clean and sober FOR GOOD then he still doesn't GET IT. if he makes any exceptions, comes up with any excuses why A, B or C won't work for him, then you know what you are really dealing with. if you hear too many I'm Sorry's or I Promise To Nevers.
more will be revealed.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
along with him being a serial relapser, he's also a serial rehabber.
NONE of this is NEW to him.
ALL of it is new to YOU.
he's put his mom, kid and two wives now thru this. he may actually "like" this part, where all the attention is back on HIM. he gets to be the newcomer again....all claps and atta boys and kid glove treatment. that shiny, new feeling.
sounding serious about recovery is vastly different than DOING recovery. that will become self-evident. also his approach to alcohol and pot. if he doesn't go 100% clean and sober FOR GOOD then he still doesn't GET IT. if he makes any exceptions, comes up with any excuses why A, B or C won't work for him, then you know what you are really dealing with. if you hear too many I'm Sorry's or I Promise To Nevers.
more will be revealed.
NONE of this is NEW to him.
ALL of it is new to YOU.
he's put his mom, kid and two wives now thru this. he may actually "like" this part, where all the attention is back on HIM. he gets to be the newcomer again....all claps and atta boys and kid glove treatment. that shiny, new feeling.
sounding serious about recovery is vastly different than DOING recovery. that will become self-evident. also his approach to alcohol and pot. if he doesn't go 100% clean and sober FOR GOOD then he still doesn't GET IT. if he makes any exceptions, comes up with any excuses why A, B or C won't work for him, then you know what you are really dealing with. if you hear too many I'm Sorry's or I Promise To Nevers.
more will be revealed.
I'll be very interested in his views towards beer and pot when he gets out. Very interested. He asked me to throw out the paraphernalia (that I'd already thrown out, lol), but it ain't hard to get a new bong. I believe I'm on the same page with you on that. If he's not 100% done with mind-altering substances, what's the point in me staying for him to relapse again? None. His words sound like he means it, but like you said, he's definitely done this stuff before.
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I worry that he'll seem like not that big of a deal to them since he went 7 years in between and only relapsed for 2 1/2 months.
So he’s gone off to address the “crack” issue, get that back under control but what about the drinking and pot smoking?
It won’t be long before you may begin to hear him say, it’s only beer or it’s just a joint - at least it’s not crack! And it never bothered you before!!
How would you feel about that? What are your boundaries regarding addiction?
My ex with ˝ a dozen or so rehab stays in his lifetime, 1000’s of AA/NA meetings, countless hours working the steps and talking with sponsors………one day decided to start taking steroids! And when I became upset his response………..well at least it’s not pills!!!! The hamster back on the wheel driving the bus and the wheels on that bus go round n round, round n round.
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Originally Posted by atalose
Here’s my thoughts on that…….he was still drinking and smoking pot for 7 years, that you know of, so he really wasn’t in addiction recovery. And just because things boiled over 2 ˝ months ago doesn’t mean he wasn’t using crack before you noticed something was really wrong.
So he’s gone off to address the “crack” issue, get that back under control but what about the drinking and pot smoking?
It won’t be long before you may begin to hear him say, it’s only beer or it’s just a joint - at least it’s not crack! And it never bothered you before!!
How would you feel about that? What are your boundaries regarding addiction?
My ex with ˝ a dozen or so rehab stays in his lifetime, 1000’s of AA/NA meetings, countless hours working the steps and talking with sponsors………one day decided to start taking steroids! And when I became upset his response………..well at least it’s not pills!!!! The hamster back on the wheel driving the bus and the wheels on that bus go round n round, round n round.
So he’s gone off to address the “crack” issue, get that back under control but what about the drinking and pot smoking?
It won’t be long before you may begin to hear him say, it’s only beer or it’s just a joint - at least it’s not crack! And it never bothered you before!!
How would you feel about that? What are your boundaries regarding addiction?
My ex with ˝ a dozen or so rehab stays in his lifetime, 1000’s of AA/NA meetings, countless hours working the steps and talking with sponsors………one day decided to start taking steroids! And when I became upset his response………..well at least it’s not pills!!!! The hamster back on the wheel driving the bus and the wheels on that bus go round n round, round n round.
My boundary is to not live with an active addict. With him, that means a beer, a joint, a pill, steroids need to be there apparently, lol, anything that gets one high or amped up or whatever. It's true, I used to be okay with beer and chose to not care about weed. My answer to that is that I didn't know what I was living with and where that road would lead.
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i realize i have sounded anything but positive about this whole situation....obviously i KNOW we can and DO recover, even a 20+ yr crack addict like hank, who once told me he'd NEVER quit. and that he loved to hate it and hated to love it. but he had to be READY to quit...WILLING to quit. he had tried before.....with limited success.
hell the night we met.........he had been on his way to an AA meeting to meet up with sponsor and do some step work, about three months sober. out washing his truck in the driveway and would ya look at who pulls up? the escalade.....dope man making a lil house call. hank was like what do i do? run? dive under the truck? it's not like there's a handbook.
so when the escalade pulls out of the drive, there he is, knot of dope in his hand. sh!t.
he went TO the meeting, had every intention of having his sponsor help him dump it, but..........it sat in his pocket a bit too long, and it started talking...........and so he left the meeting.........
we met later that same evening. yay for kismet, huh?
so what do i think would happen TODAY if his/our paths crossed with one of our old dealers? it's possible they are both dead by now, but who knows? i know what MY reaction and response would be. i cannot and will not say with any certainty would hank would do. i will never assume to KNOW his mind (well unless it's about Packers or Beyonce....) and will never drop my guard. i keep my plan in my pocket.
i wouldn't wish this crack sh!t on anyone. i wish i didn't know what i know. i got to see first hand what it does......carpet farming, jonesing, digging the pipe back OUT of the trash (nice Anvil, real nice). evil awful stuff. blech
hell the night we met.........he had been on his way to an AA meeting to meet up with sponsor and do some step work, about three months sober. out washing his truck in the driveway and would ya look at who pulls up? the escalade.....dope man making a lil house call. hank was like what do i do? run? dive under the truck? it's not like there's a handbook.
so when the escalade pulls out of the drive, there he is, knot of dope in his hand. sh!t.
he went TO the meeting, had every intention of having his sponsor help him dump it, but..........it sat in his pocket a bit too long, and it started talking...........and so he left the meeting.........
we met later that same evening. yay for kismet, huh?
so what do i think would happen TODAY if his/our paths crossed with one of our old dealers? it's possible they are both dead by now, but who knows? i know what MY reaction and response would be. i cannot and will not say with any certainty would hank would do. i will never assume to KNOW his mind (well unless it's about Packers or Beyonce....) and will never drop my guard. i keep my plan in my pocket.
i wouldn't wish this crack sh!t on anyone. i wish i didn't know what i know. i got to see first hand what it does......carpet farming, jonesing, digging the pipe back OUT of the trash (nice Anvil, real nice). evil awful stuff. blech
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
i realize i have sounded anything but positive about this whole situation....obviously i KNOW we can and DO recover, even a 20+ yr crack addict like hank, who once told me he'd NEVER quit. and that he loved to hate it and hated to love it. but he had to be READY to quit...WILLING to quit. he had tried before.....with limited success.
hell the night we met.........he had been on his way to an AA meeting to meet up with sponsor and do some step work, about three months sober. out washing his truck in the driveway and would ya look at who pulls up? the escalade.....dope man making a lil house call. hank was like what do i do? run? dive under the truck? it's not like there's a handbook.
so when the escalade pulls out of the drive, there he is, knot of dope in his hand. sh!t.
he went TO the meeting, had every intention of having his sponsor help him dump it, but..........it sat in his pocket a bit too long, and it started talking...........and so he left the meeting.........
we met later that same evening. yay for kismet, huh?
so what do i think would happen TODAY if his/our paths crossed with one of our old dealers? it's possible they are both dead by now, but who knows? i know what MY reaction and response would be. i cannot and will not say with any certainty would hank would do. i will never assume to KNOW his mind (well unless it's about Packers or Beyonce....) and will never drop my guard. i keep my plan in my pocket.
i wouldn't wish this crack sh!t on anyone. i wish i didn't know what i know. i got to see first hand what it does......carpet farming, jonesing, digging the pipe back OUT of the trash (nice Anvil, real nice). evil awful stuff. blech
hell the night we met.........he had been on his way to an AA meeting to meet up with sponsor and do some step work, about three months sober. out washing his truck in the driveway and would ya look at who pulls up? the escalade.....dope man making a lil house call. hank was like what do i do? run? dive under the truck? it's not like there's a handbook.
so when the escalade pulls out of the drive, there he is, knot of dope in his hand. sh!t.
he went TO the meeting, had every intention of having his sponsor help him dump it, but..........it sat in his pocket a bit too long, and it started talking...........and so he left the meeting.........
we met later that same evening. yay for kismet, huh?
so what do i think would happen TODAY if his/our paths crossed with one of our old dealers? it's possible they are both dead by now, but who knows? i know what MY reaction and response would be. i cannot and will not say with any certainty would hank would do. i will never assume to KNOW his mind (well unless it's about Packers or Beyonce....) and will never drop my guard. i keep my plan in my pocket.
i wouldn't wish this crack sh!t on anyone. i wish i didn't know what i know. i got to see first hand what it does......carpet farming, jonesing, digging the pipe back OUT of the trash (nice Anvil, real nice). evil awful stuff. blech
I can tell just from your posts that you have a strong personality and it was hell for you to do it.
I talked with him for a couple of minutes tonight. He got irritated because one of the counselors came by and told everyone it was time for dinner and to get off the phones. He said he'd be glad to get out of there and stop being treated like a f**king child. This is after he showed me pics of his baptism certificate. He hopes he can get out in 28 instead of 30 days because now it's all starting to get repetitious. I asked him if that wasn't helpful too. He says at least he gets to do some fun stuff next week like ziplining and horseback riding. Jesus please keep me from killing this man, LOL. I WANT to go there for a month of therapy! Like genuinely WANT to! I would be SO HAPPY if someone booked me a month at that place! No kids, no responsibilities, just hanging out with some peeps and getting days and days of therapy, life skills and vacation activities. He's all over the map emotionally from one hour to the next. Humble, grateful, arrogant, angry, etc. Man, 30 days just ain't gonna be enough time to get his brain functioning. I can picture him walking into the bathroom with a laugh and a smile, throwing a tantrum about running out of toilet paper and running out to use.
I say I'm waiting it out, but I just don't feel positive about it either. He's not okay. I don't expect him to be totally sane right now, but I don't know if he has enough emotional maturity to deal with life at all yet. I really really really really need my crap together when he gets back, be it here right after or after another month in sober living.
This month may not help him as much as it has helped me. Emotional and physical distance was really needed.
I know it doesn't seem like it from my posts, but I have been spending the vast majority of my time doing my thing and working on me, not obsessing about him. I don't wonder what he's doing or any of that. I'm just living. It's nice. This marriage might fall apart because of my own changes more than because of his.
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I know I don't sound positive either but having had the experiences I did and not knowing what to expect or how recovery really works. I was not prepared for the direction the situation turned. Instead I was naive about addiction and recovery.
I share my experience in hope that you won't be blind sided by things that may happen. We hope they don't, we hope they stay on the road of recovery but we also need to be prepared in the event they don't.
His rehab does sound like a resort retreat and it doesn't seem fair does it. Tell him you are booked on a 14 day cruise for family and friends of addicts so that you can HELP HIM...lol lol lol
I share my experience in hope that you won't be blind sided by things that may happen. We hope they don't, we hope they stay on the road of recovery but we also need to be prepared in the event they don't.
His rehab does sound like a resort retreat and it doesn't seem fair does it. Tell him you are booked on a 14 day cruise for family and friends of addicts so that you can HELP HIM...lol lol lol
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hon, i remember the exact MOMENT when i knew i was hooked....i had my own place, after leaving my husband (i left him the house and the dogs), and hank being there....we'd done some lines together, i felt i had a very good handle on cocaine, after the blizzard years of the early 80's....so we, me being rookie, smoked crack on a weekend night, and three MONTHS later of only on the weekends, so like 12 times, and there i was, waiting til he left and climbing on the counters trying to find where he hid the pipe.
think about that.....3 months....90 days.....12 days of those 90......addicted. kaboom. too late. you cannot UNaddict.....i couldn't go back one week and stop, then came the want....the fiend. gawd, i had NEVER been like that before with coke......we had a buddy that made me his base hit protege back in the day.....one of them big steamrollers....but crack??? like a completely different drug. and so insanely powerful.....think of everything you know right now, care about, think about - the kid's BD party, or the big work meeting, or that nice pot roast dinner you plan to cook - think about every bad thing that has happened, the guy who cut you off on the freeway, the call from your cousin about an uncle's death, the layoff notice at work, politics, spider bites weight gain......and imagine something that makes it ALL GO AWAY. all of it, good, bad, whatever i was just thinking about 3 minutes ago.....bam. only one thought.....
MORE.
the thing the addict has to understand and accept is that NOTHING will ever be like that again. nothing will make it all stop. even the drug that DID give you that momentary "bliss" will NEVER do that for you again. and you have to find things in life that DO lift your spirit, that do expand your soul, that do hold your attention and give you a moment of bliss..............and that that HAS to be good enough. there is no MORE.
think about that.....3 months....90 days.....12 days of those 90......addicted. kaboom. too late. you cannot UNaddict.....i couldn't go back one week and stop, then came the want....the fiend. gawd, i had NEVER been like that before with coke......we had a buddy that made me his base hit protege back in the day.....one of them big steamrollers....but crack??? like a completely different drug. and so insanely powerful.....think of everything you know right now, care about, think about - the kid's BD party, or the big work meeting, or that nice pot roast dinner you plan to cook - think about every bad thing that has happened, the guy who cut you off on the freeway, the call from your cousin about an uncle's death, the layoff notice at work, politics, spider bites weight gain......and imagine something that makes it ALL GO AWAY. all of it, good, bad, whatever i was just thinking about 3 minutes ago.....bam. only one thought.....
MORE.
the thing the addict has to understand and accept is that NOTHING will ever be like that again. nothing will make it all stop. even the drug that DID give you that momentary "bliss" will NEVER do that for you again. and you have to find things in life that DO lift your spirit, that do expand your soul, that do hold your attention and give you a moment of bliss..............and that that HAS to be good enough. there is no MORE.
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Originally Posted by atalose
I know I don't sound positive either but having had the experiences I did and not knowing what to expect or how recovery really works. I was not prepared for the direction the situation turned. Instead I was naive about addiction and recovery.
I share my experience in hope that you won't be blind sided by things that may happen. We hope they don't, we hope they stay on the road of recovery but we also need to be prepared in the event they don't.
His rehab does sound like a resort retreat and it doesn't seem fair does it. Tell him you are booked on a 14 day cruise for family and friends of addicts so that you can HELP HIM...lol lol lol
I share my experience in hope that you won't be blind sided by things that may happen. We hope they don't, we hope they stay on the road of recovery but we also need to be prepared in the event they don't.
His rehab does sound like a resort retreat and it doesn't seem fair does it. Tell him you are booked on a 14 day cruise for family and friends of addicts so that you can HELP HIM...lol lol lol
You and Anvil are exactly what I need. Blunt and not sugar-coating anything. If I hadn't come here, I might be expecting that he'd come home and all would be fine. Even if he defies the odds and really does work recovery and stays on that track, it ain't gonna be fine for a long while.
As of now, my expectations are that he will relapse. I know, expectations are a bad idea in any direction, but...I'd rather expect that than get too consumed with the hope that all will be well. I don't want it to be that same crushing pain again. I don't want to get complacent either.
I've got distance now, but I know that I still love this man. In person, that makes me vulnerable, so I need to be careful.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
hon, i remember the exact MOMENT when i knew i was hooked....i had my own place, after leaving my husband (i left him the house and the dogs), and hank being there....we'd done some lines together, i felt i had a very good handle on cocaine, after the blizzard years of the early 80's....so we, me being rookie, smoked crack on a weekend night, and three MONTHS later of only on the weekends, so like 12 times, and there i was, waiting til he left and climbing on the counters trying to find where he hid the pipe.
think about that.....3 months....90 days.....12 days of those 90......addicted. kaboom. too late. you cannot UNaddict.....i couldn't go back one week and stop, then came the want....the fiend. gawd, i had NEVER been like that before with coke......we had a buddy that made me his base hit protege back in the day.....one of them big steamrollers....but crack??? like a completely different drug. and so insanely powerful.....think of everything you know right now, care about, think about - the kid's BD party, or the big work meeting, or that nice pot roast dinner you plan to cook - think about every bad thing that has happened, the guy who cut you off on the freeway, the call from your cousin about an uncle's death, the layoff notice at work, politics, spider bites weight gain......and imagine something that makes it ALL GO AWAY. all of it, good, bad, whatever i was just thinking about 3 minutes ago.....bam. only one thought.....
MORE.
the thing the addict has to understand and accept is that NOTHING will ever be like that again. nothing will make it all stop. even the drug that DID give you that momentary "bliss" will NEVER do that for you again. and you have to find things in life that DO lift your spirit, that do expand your soul, that do hold your attention and give you a moment of bliss..............and that that HAS to be good enough. there is no MORE.
think about that.....3 months....90 days.....12 days of those 90......addicted. kaboom. too late. you cannot UNaddict.....i couldn't go back one week and stop, then came the want....the fiend. gawd, i had NEVER been like that before with coke......we had a buddy that made me his base hit protege back in the day.....one of them big steamrollers....but crack??? like a completely different drug. and so insanely powerful.....think of everything you know right now, care about, think about - the kid's BD party, or the big work meeting, or that nice pot roast dinner you plan to cook - think about every bad thing that has happened, the guy who cut you off on the freeway, the call from your cousin about an uncle's death, the layoff notice at work, politics, spider bites weight gain......and imagine something that makes it ALL GO AWAY. all of it, good, bad, whatever i was just thinking about 3 minutes ago.....bam. only one thought.....
MORE.
the thing the addict has to understand and accept is that NOTHING will ever be like that again. nothing will make it all stop. even the drug that DID give you that momentary "bliss" will NEVER do that for you again. and you have to find things in life that DO lift your spirit, that do expand your soul, that do hold your attention and give you a moment of bliss..............and that that HAS to be good enough. there is no MORE.
I remember him being all down after one of the first binges and I said I doubted he was more miserable than I was at that moment and that at least he got to have fun first. He looked at me like I was crazy. "Smoking crack isn't FUN! I keep chasing a high I'll never have again. and ruining my life while I do it." Life probably doesn't have any moments that can compete with a good crack high, but it has some pretty great ones nonetheless. I was just snuggling with my three dogs on me, and that makes me feel bliss. It's the little things that make life great. I watched him lose all ability to feel those things. I felt so sad for him at times. We have a mini Australian Shepherd and if you can look into those blue eyes and that happy face and not feel joy, something has gone very wrong. It sounds silly, but when I saw that his dog couldn't bring him joy, it broke my heart. We can have complicated issues with people, but your dog? That's a whole 'nother level of love connection. I am convinced that no one loves me like my dogs do, lol.
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The best prediction of future behavior is the past behavior. Statistically the majority of people never change.
He has been in "recovery" for few years before this and it hasn't changed the outcome. True recovery looks different, it's years of hard work with therapist and fundamental change. The guy you described sounds immature and selfish to you, your children and his daughter. He doesn't care how are you all doing, he only cares of himself. If he is to change, it will take years and you have no guarantee.
I agree with you that your children should not be part of this.
Interesting talk about addiction :
https://youtu.be/F2P3qknUN4k
He has been in "recovery" for few years before this and it hasn't changed the outcome. True recovery looks different, it's years of hard work with therapist and fundamental change. The guy you described sounds immature and selfish to you, your children and his daughter. He doesn't care how are you all doing, he only cares of himself. If he is to change, it will take years and you have no guarantee.
I agree with you that your children should not be part of this.
Interesting talk about addiction :
https://youtu.be/F2P3qknUN4k
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by MAYA1
The best prediction of future behavior is the past behavior. Statistically the majority of people never change.
He has been in "recovery" for few years before this and it hasn't changed the outcome. True recovery looks different, it's years of hard work with therapist and fundamental change. The guy you described sounds immature and selfish to you, your children and his daughter. He doesn't care how are you all doing, he only cares of himself. If he is to change, it will take years and you have no guarantee.
I agree with you that your children should not be part of this.
Interesting talk about addiction :
https://youtu.be/F2P3qknUN4k
He has been in "recovery" for few years before this and it hasn't changed the outcome. True recovery looks different, it's years of hard work with therapist and fundamental change. The guy you described sounds immature and selfish to you, your children and his daughter. He doesn't care how are you all doing, he only cares of himself. If he is to change, it will take years and you have no guarantee.
I agree with you that your children should not be part of this.
Interesting talk about addiction :
https://youtu.be/F2P3qknUN4k
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 293
If he can hold onto the version of himself that I just spoke to, he might be all right. Man, he sounded lucid. I just realized how high he's been most of the time I've known him. Lucid, rational, realistic, mature. Dang. He needs to find a way to glue this state of mind to the top of his brain. Whatever coping mechanisms he used to get there are winners.
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