Palehorse82

Hi all. Feeling guilty. Husband who is currently in treatment for drug and alcohol abuse. I have a two year order of protection which he violated before leaving. My lawyer and I decided to issue a written warning instead of turning him in. But his family is basically poo-pooing the protection order and sending or giving me messages from him. This last one yesterday was asking that I write a letter about how I loved him and how his addiction affected me. I told my lawyer after a sleepless night and she said that the rehab should not ask me for anything given the protection order and we need to charge the violation. So feeling guilty....like this is my fault he is being in trouble as I have to go now and swear out a complaint. I never wanted any of this...

AnvilheadII

sending you support.....

Ann

I am glad your lawyer is handling this and he/she should make the family aware that no contact means no contact and charge them if they persist.

You have nothing to feel guilty about, and you certainly don't owe the rehab any input at all.

Take a deep breath and know that you are doing the right thing, protecting yourself from emotional upset and abuse.

Hugs and Hugs

Palehorse82

Thank you. I feel like a bad wife that let her husband down by choosing to leave when he is sick. Does that go away?

TiredDad

Don't feel guilty for doing the rite things for your health.
I understand what your feeling. I still deal with those feelings also.

Something that is helping me rite now is trying to see the fact that I wouldn't have felt the need to protect myself and the kids in a legal fashion if my AW wouldn't have chose to use in the first place. Her actions lead to the result of our current situation.

We are only responsible for ourselves and minors that count on us.

CanadianRose

You aren't a bad wife for not choosing to live with bad treatment. You are a saner person for it. I don't think that marriage requires you to sacrifice yourself. In a good marriage, you would never be asked to tolerate the behaviors that come with addiction.

That's the hardest part for me, honestly. Trying to figure out how I wound up dealing with this stuff in what I thought was a good marriage. It apparently isn't a good marriage. I've had to redefine a lot of things to fit reality.

Palehorse82

Thanks all. It is so hard to determine if my husband is abusive even without drugs and alcohol. There was increased violence in the home and I was crying everyday up all night him screaming at me while he was naked in front of our son and it always set him off when I said no to sex. I really think he won't ever get better. I asked him the last time he kept me up until 2am screaming at me why he was doing this and he replied "Because I can". I really feel even though he was using he could threaten to back hand me and then stop half an inch from my face. I feel like he he was in control and wanted to rage and scream at me. Then why, knowing all this, do I still have a small corner that holds out hope? Hope that he will really love me or change?

AnvilheadII

Hope that he will really love me or change?

because that is what psychopaths DO to their victims.....break them down, tease them with the most minuscule morsel of normal, only to rip it all away. of course you WANT your husband to BE a gentle loving sober person. but THIS guy ain't THAT guy.

this I was crying everyday up all night him screaming at me while he was naked in front of our son
is UNACCEPTABLE. it must stop.

hopeful4

You have that order for a reason.

Hugs.