New, Hello.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
I'm sorry for the reason you have come, but glad you found us.
Please don't stop posting. Your story takes me back about a decade. Honestly in hindsight, I would have done more and pushed harder than I did. I brushed much of it off early on as "experimenting". There have been many many instances where I yearned to have some type of legal control over him, but as others have mentioned, your window is short.
Please stay open to advice from others who have been where you are now. Sometimes it can be painful to hear, so take it in whatever doses you can handle.
I have to be honest and say I cringe with the advice you are getting about kinda letting him do his own thing. I'm not trying to be judgmental, but I think this is a dangerous approach. You can't let your fear prevent you from doing whatever is within your power now (while you still have a legal authority over him).
While you may be seeking some type of mutual respect from your son by allowing him to do his own thing (and still live under your roof being supported by you) to keep the lines of communication open, I am willing to bet he sees differently........An addict is going to take advantage of whatever they can. My son has told me in times of recovery that giving in to him and doing what HE wanted, I was NOT doing him any favors.
I hope you won't take this or any other advice too personally. We really do empathize with you.
Sometimes I come here often, and sometimes I take a break, because it really can be overwhelming. Keep coming back, at whatever frequency you are comfortable with.
Please don't stop posting. Your story takes me back about a decade. Honestly in hindsight, I would have done more and pushed harder than I did. I brushed much of it off early on as "experimenting". There have been many many instances where I yearned to have some type of legal control over him, but as others have mentioned, your window is short.
Please stay open to advice from others who have been where you are now. Sometimes it can be painful to hear, so take it in whatever doses you can handle.
I have to be honest and say I cringe with the advice you are getting about kinda letting him do his own thing. I'm not trying to be judgmental, but I think this is a dangerous approach. You can't let your fear prevent you from doing whatever is within your power now (while you still have a legal authority over him).
While you may be seeking some type of mutual respect from your son by allowing him to do his own thing (and still live under your roof being supported by you) to keep the lines of communication open, I am willing to bet he sees differently........An addict is going to take advantage of whatever they can. My son has told me in times of recovery that giving in to him and doing what HE wanted, I was NOT doing him any favors.
I hope you won't take this or any other advice too personally. We really do empathize with you.
Sometimes I come here often, and sometimes I take a break, because it really can be overwhelming. Keep coming back, at whatever frequency you are comfortable with.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Whitewingeddove 
I have to be honest and say I cringe with the advice you are getting about kinda letting him do his own thing. I'm not trying to be judgmental, but I think this is a dangerous approach. You can't let your fear prevent you from doing whatever is within your power now (while you still have a legal authority over him).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 328
TotallyTuckered,
I honestly have no idea. I admit that when I read your first post, it sounded like you were just giving him free reign but your follow up cleared that up. If you are keeping the authorities informed of his actions, not giving him any money and reaching out, what else is there but to kick him out? I don't think that's an option at 15. At 17 or 18, maybe. You mentioned a court date, could they mandate some kind of rehab or residential home?
Jaeger
I honestly have no idea. I admit that when I read your first post, it sounded like you were just giving him free reign but your follow up cleared that up. If you are keeping the authorities informed of his actions, not giving him any money and reaching out, what else is there but to kick him out? I don't think that's an option at 15. At 17 or 18, maybe. You mentioned a court date, could they mandate some kind of rehab or residential home?
Jaeger
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 10
THAT is my sincere hope Jaeger. I am praying this happens. I feel like I am doing everything but forcing him to be here and I am out of other ideas but the resounding feel of my situation is I'm not doing enough. PLEASE tell me how to do more than I have posted and I WILL do it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I hope you didn't feel attached by any of my posts, that certainly was not my intent. I do think you have an opportunity here to work with the court/and his school counselor on getting him into some rehab possibly ordered ADHD and drug use that might be very beneficial. Does he take medication for the ADHD? I know Ritalin is very popular with teens and they often trade their medications for other pills like xanax. All of those chemicals mixed with his brain chemistry will make his behaviors even worse. That's why a dual diagnosis would be extremely important.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Tuckered, All I know is that a Mothers Love is never ending and cannot be swayed by the actions of your children. We all understand the anxiety you are going through and even more so since your son is not a legal adult. Please don't feel attacked. We all care for you and your son as most of the folks here who have posted have done all we could do as well. Detaching is also part of our healing, but you have an even bigger issue since your son has some diagnosed ailments as well. Please stay with us!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
tuckered, I hope you're still here........even if only "lurking". Were you able to find anything out from your counseler about possible options? I'm certain that Canada has it's own laws surrounding what a parent can/cannot do for an addicted child. Things here are different state to state. I wish I had more knowledge for you....Hang in there 
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