How to handle this situation
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Originally Posted by atalose 
It might speed things up if you contact his oldest daughter and let her know what is going on. She's not responsible for his belonging or his dogs but a heads up in the event he reaches out to her for help she'll at least have another side of this story.
Might be worth reaching out to some animal shelters in your area to see if they might take the dogs in the event he goes to jail for a period of time. You may have to have the court do an order so that the animals get properly taken care of if he can't.
And as I mentioned above, pack his stuff up and put in out in your garage to have it already for whom ever is going to remove it.
Might be worth reaching out to some animal shelters in your area to see if they might take the dogs in the event he goes to jail for a period of time. You may have to have the court do an order so that the animals get properly taken care of if he can't.
And as I mentioned above, pack his stuff up and put in out in your garage to have it already for whom ever is going to remove it.
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He's an addict you were his enabler, no doubt he's going to show up at some point, you can almost count on it.
If this were me, I'd play dumb and not let him know what's about to happen. Maybe if he texts you again ask when he plans on returning for real so that you can talk. Make him think it's safe to return then do what you need to do.
If this were me, I'd play dumb and not let him know what's about to happen. Maybe if he texts you again ask when he plans on returning for real so that you can talk. Make him think it's safe to return then do what you need to do.
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Originally Posted by atalose
He's an addict you were his enabler, no doubt he's going to show up at some point, you can almost count on it.
If this were me, I'd play dumb and not let him know what's about to happen. Maybe if he texts you again ask when he plans on returning for real so that you can talk. Make him think it's safe to return then do what you need to do.
If this were me, I'd play dumb and not let him know what's about to happen. Maybe if he texts you again ask when he plans on returning for real so that you can talk. Make him think it's safe to return then do what you need to do.
Last time he did this, he was gone 4 four days. He may stay away longer, no hurry to come home, if he feels he is being out out! I told him last time he did it, your out.
I will let his family call me first, and ask what is going on. If they get nasty with me, I will tell them not to call me anymore becausr the order includes no contact from anyone.
He made his bed. I am sure his kids will understand. And probably be really ticked off at him, and probably wont be surprised I did this. There is a reason his youngest daughter deleted him from facebook.
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He got served today. He texted me begging to come, please don't yell at me. I got caught up trying some new stuff. Wants to come home. Not feeling good.
Long story short, a few hours later, he tells me to f off because I told him to check into detox.
He finally showed up. The police right behind me. Said he never threatened me, etc. They let him take a few clothes before he left.
He kept saying your tripping to me, you dont love me. I ignored him. Had a hard time leaving. Told the police he is using. We could have handled this on our own.
I talked to one of his daughter's tonight. I told her everything he has done to me. Sneaking off to his drug *****, still texting her behind my back after I told him to stop talking to her. Didnt find out what exactly has gone on between them until she sent him a snap chat asking to make live tonight if I get a hotel room. I will give you drugs if that is what you want.
He said he doesnt do anything with her.
His daughter said I wouldnt put up with his butt either. You should have called me. Try to see what I could do to help.
You know he isnt going to hurt you. I told her he is using badly, and some other things he has done, I dont trust him right now.
He needs to clean himself up and get on with his life. I feel used.
They will make arrangements to take his clothing and personal items. The rest is between us.
She didnt think it was necessary to put a restraining order on him.
I can try to sleep easy tonight.
Long story short, a few hours later, he tells me to f off because I told him to check into detox.
He finally showed up. The police right behind me. Said he never threatened me, etc. They let him take a few clothes before he left.
He kept saying your tripping to me, you dont love me. I ignored him. Had a hard time leaving. Told the police he is using. We could have handled this on our own.
I talked to one of his daughter's tonight. I told her everything he has done to me. Sneaking off to his drug *****, still texting her behind my back after I told him to stop talking to her. Didnt find out what exactly has gone on between them until she sent him a snap chat asking to make live tonight if I get a hotel room. I will give you drugs if that is what you want.
He said he doesnt do anything with her.
His daughter said I wouldnt put up with his butt either. You should have called me. Try to see what I could do to help.
You know he isnt going to hurt you. I told her he is using badly, and some other things he has done, I dont trust him right now.
He needs to clean himself up and get on with his life. I feel used.
They will make arrangements to take his clothing and personal items. The rest is between us.
She didnt think it was necessary to put a restraining order on him.
I can try to sleep easy tonight.
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She didnt think it was necessary to put a restraining order on him.
Glad he's gone now your #1 commitment to yourself is to keep him gone.
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Originally Posted by atalose
I don't think that was fair to discount your feelings like that. The man is out of control on drugs how could she possible know his state of mind and what might have possible done or the anxiety you've lived with.
Glad he's gone now your #1 commitment to yourself is to keep him gone.
Glad he's gone now your #1 commitment to yourself is to keep him gone.
He would have been more belligerent and nasty not only with me, but you guys as well when you came over to make him leave.
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His daughters' and the youngest one's(the one who hates him) boyfriend and his friend came by yesterday to gather his belongings. They are very ticked off about this whole situation. They are storing his things at their house, which they don't have room. She hates one of his dogs. They are not paying a storage unit for him. Her boyfriend said he is sorry he did this to me.
They didn't rent a big enough U-Haul, and didn't realize how much he actually had here at my home. They cleared everything out of the house and garage. The younger daughter is letting me use the couch I have stored here until her friend moves into her apartment. Her boyfriend said I will even bring it in the house for you. What are you to going to sit on? They didn't have room to take it.
When they looked in the shed, and realized they had no room for those belongings, they were livid. Didn't know what to do. How to get everything out of here today and where to put all of this stuf. I said if you want to come back and get them after your trip, I can hold on to it. The boyfriend's friend said, works for me. The older daughter said, well you wanted it all out of here, so we are here. I said how are you hauling it out? The younger daughter said we can come back and go through it when we get back into town. I know the younger daughter didn't mean to snap, she is just hurt and angry right now. She said when looking in the shed, "he can't even be here to get his own stuff". I didn't say anything. The older one said he should have gotten his stuff out of there the 1st time.
Yesterday morning, they texted me saying, "if you want the stuff out, today is the only day we can do it". I thought that was strange. I thought we decided this on Saturday. We all thought it was a form of manipulation on their part including their dad's to see if I am really going through with this. We also feel he was hoping maybe I would let him come back home and this was another way out for me to drop it and let us carry on as usual, because they are tired of him, don't want to deal with this, and he doesn't want to leave town. They probably don't want him back home either where they are flying him to, but everyone feels stuck. It would have been the same thing different day for me with him. I don't think so!
Nobody brought up the order, on what I decided to do. At this point, I am letting it be. If he has the balls to challenge it, let him. It would only open the door for him to be able to contact me and harass me. I don't want to hear it. Two nights after he got kicked out of here, my son's father's van was egged during the night. a few days later, an older pickup truck drove by his house very slow and followed him out of the neighborhood. My ex made an immediate u turn to see what they would do. They did the same thing and kept on going. We don't have proof this guy is involved in these events, but it is coincidental. I want to say this guy didn't do it because he has been stuck at his daughter's place all week and has no car. But it doesn't mean he would give somebody his address to go do something. They had no room in the car to take the dogs. They asked if I could keep them for the night. I said yes. They will be by today to pick them up.
Last night when I was cleaning the bedroom, I found a backpack behind the entertainment center. I never saw it before. I opened it up. There was a pair of women's lacy underwear(used and lightly stained) along with a black camisole. Nothing else. I was like, uh, huh, liar. This wasn't from the last time he disappeared last week because he came home empty handed. Locked outside until served. Last month when he came home, he was empty handed too. I am saying it is either that drug ***** that he still talks to or someone else, he may have met online. When his daughters' come for the dogs, I am showing this to them. He told them he stopped talking to that chic. He isn't doing anything, or wasn't cheating on me. Yeah right!
So glad he is gone! Wish I would have had the strength to do this a long time ago! My bad! I feel played. If and when he should contact me, I am not going back to him. Even if he has his act together. I will lay this all out on the table. He may love me like he tells me and everyone else, and wants to marry me down the road, but this is not a way to treat someone you LOVE. Addiction or not! I am so angry. Not even as his friend.
The reason I said the above paragraph is because I met the older daughter the night after I tossed him out. She said, do you even want to talk to him? You can't because of the order. He is going back home out of state for 6 months to have a place to live, and work. Save cash to come to town and get settled.
But he isn't going back to your house. I said he isn't. I told her, I don't want to live with a man, any man, unless I marry them. She said tell him this. I thought this was very strange. I know you are extremely angry at your dad for what he did to me. I just left him high and dry and he is your problem. Why would she say this? Trying to feel me out for possible reconciliation when he should return back here?
I don't trust him!
They didn't rent a big enough U-Haul, and didn't realize how much he actually had here at my home. They cleared everything out of the house and garage. The younger daughter is letting me use the couch I have stored here until her friend moves into her apartment. Her boyfriend said I will even bring it in the house for you. What are you to going to sit on? They didn't have room to take it.
When they looked in the shed, and realized they had no room for those belongings, they were livid. Didn't know what to do. How to get everything out of here today and where to put all of this stuf. I said if you want to come back and get them after your trip, I can hold on to it. The boyfriend's friend said, works for me. The older daughter said, well you wanted it all out of here, so we are here. I said how are you hauling it out? The younger daughter said we can come back and go through it when we get back into town. I know the younger daughter didn't mean to snap, she is just hurt and angry right now. She said when looking in the shed, "he can't even be here to get his own stuff". I didn't say anything. The older one said he should have gotten his stuff out of there the 1st time.
Yesterday morning, they texted me saying, "if you want the stuff out, today is the only day we can do it". I thought that was strange. I thought we decided this on Saturday. We all thought it was a form of manipulation on their part including their dad's to see if I am really going through with this. We also feel he was hoping maybe I would let him come back home and this was another way out for me to drop it and let us carry on as usual, because they are tired of him, don't want to deal with this, and he doesn't want to leave town. They probably don't want him back home either where they are flying him to, but everyone feels stuck. It would have been the same thing different day for me with him. I don't think so!
Nobody brought up the order, on what I decided to do. At this point, I am letting it be. If he has the balls to challenge it, let him. It would only open the door for him to be able to contact me and harass me. I don't want to hear it. Two nights after he got kicked out of here, my son's father's van was egged during the night. a few days later, an older pickup truck drove by his house very slow and followed him out of the neighborhood. My ex made an immediate u turn to see what they would do. They did the same thing and kept on going. We don't have proof this guy is involved in these events, but it is coincidental. I want to say this guy didn't do it because he has been stuck at his daughter's place all week and has no car. But it doesn't mean he would give somebody his address to go do something. They had no room in the car to take the dogs. They asked if I could keep them for the night. I said yes. They will be by today to pick them up.
Last night when I was cleaning the bedroom, I found a backpack behind the entertainment center. I never saw it before. I opened it up. There was a pair of women's lacy underwear(used and lightly stained) along with a black camisole. Nothing else. I was like, uh, huh, liar. This wasn't from the last time he disappeared last week because he came home empty handed. Locked outside until served. Last month when he came home, he was empty handed too. I am saying it is either that drug ***** that he still talks to or someone else, he may have met online. When his daughters' come for the dogs, I am showing this to them. He told them he stopped talking to that chic. He isn't doing anything, or wasn't cheating on me. Yeah right!
So glad he is gone! Wish I would have had the strength to do this a long time ago! My bad! I feel played. If and when he should contact me, I am not going back to him. Even if he has his act together. I will lay this all out on the table. He may love me like he tells me and everyone else, and wants to marry me down the road, but this is not a way to treat someone you LOVE. Addiction or not! I am so angry. Not even as his friend.
The reason I said the above paragraph is because I met the older daughter the night after I tossed him out. She said, do you even want to talk to him? You can't because of the order. He is going back home out of state for 6 months to have a place to live, and work. Save cash to come to town and get settled.
But he isn't going back to your house. I said he isn't. I told her, I don't want to live with a man, any man, unless I marry them. She said tell him this. I thought this was very strange. I know you are extremely angry at your dad for what he did to me. I just left him high and dry and he is your problem. Why would she say this? Trying to feel me out for possible reconciliation when he should return back here?
I don't trust him!
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Update
Last night, one daughter told me he that wanted me to know he apologizes for everything, for a lot of things he did.
I just wanted to let you know he actually took a chance and reached out to me this morning. He legally can't because of the order, but I did tell her he can only if he can be civil. If not. Lose my number!
He texted me on a friend's phone. He said he is sorry for what he put me through. He seen all my text going back a couple months. Saying how I wanted help for him. I just pray that you can forgive me. I never lied about loving you. He feels like crap because you know I don't like cops. And on that message that said f o**, that was a typo(sure, when I told him go to detox last week wanting to come back home). I would have told you over the phone, but no answer. Are you going to answer?
I told him I would but no more drama. You hurt me in a bad way.
He said he is really sorry. He realizes he is more messed up than he thought. Mad at himself for his weaknesses.
He is supposedly back home now. Hopefully, this is what he needs to pull himself together. We shall see.
I am NOT initiating ANY contact with him. Time to move on from this
I just wanted to let you know he actually took a chance and reached out to me this morning. He legally can't because of the order, but I did tell her he can only if he can be civil. If not. Lose my number!
He texted me on a friend's phone. He said he is sorry for what he put me through. He seen all my text going back a couple months. Saying how I wanted help for him. I just pray that you can forgive me. I never lied about loving you. He feels like crap because you know I don't like cops. And on that message that said f o**, that was a typo(sure, when I told him go to detox last week wanting to come back home). I would have told you over the phone, but no answer. Are you going to answer?
I told him I would but no more drama. You hurt me in a bad way.
He said he is really sorry. He realizes he is more messed up than he thought. Mad at himself for his weaknesses.
He is supposedly back home now. Hopefully, this is what he needs to pull himself together. We shall see.
I am NOT initiating ANY contact with him. Time to move on from this
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sunnygirl,
I think you are on shaky ground. If you have a protection order, that goes both ways. If you allow him to contact you, you could get in trouble yourself. If nothing else, if he changes like he has in the past, the judge that ordered it may not take you seriously next time. Be careful!
Jaeger
I think you are on shaky ground. If you have a protection order, that goes both ways. If you allow him to contact you, you could get in trouble yourself. If nothing else, if he changes like he has in the past, the judge that ordered it may not take you seriously next time. Be careful!
Jaeger
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you just invalidated the restraining order by allowing contact. you might as well not have one. two full pages of the drama and chaos that this person brought, your fear for safety, getting the order, and then you turn right around and TALK to him.
The order states no contact via any party.
after all this and you are still in communication with him, and still hinting at a maybe..........we have to look at our own behavior as well as the other person.
The order states no contact via any party.
after all this and you are still in communication with him, and still hinting at a maybe..........we have to look at our own behavior as well as the other person.
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"But he isn't going back to your house. I said he isn't. I told her, I don't want to live with a man, any man, unless I marry them. She said tell him that. I found that very strange."
Do you see how that could very easily be interpreted as, "He can come back only if he marries me?" That's a very, very different statement than, "He's out of my life. No contact."
If his daughter told him what you said, that could be a reason he's still trying to get back to you.
If you are absolutely certain you want him gone, as in really gone, you need to stop letting him contact you in any way. If a text comes in from another number, block it. Don't answer the phone.
Anything else is sending mixed signals.
Do you see how that could very easily be interpreted as, "He can come back only if he marries me?" That's a very, very different statement than, "He's out of my life. No contact."
If his daughter told him what you said, that could be a reason he's still trying to get back to you.
If you are absolutely certain you want him gone, as in really gone, you need to stop letting him contact you in any way. If a text comes in from another number, block it. Don't answer the phone.
Anything else is sending mixed signals.
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