Surprise! Your husband and father to your son is addicted to alcohol and cocaine
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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I think its more alcohol then I really know about.
It is probably exactly that, which wouldn't be that shocking, except you think they would want to protect the baby. My poor innocent son, who is the one who is really going to pay for all of this. He either has a father who is an addict, or I leave take the baby and only let my husband see him for supervised visits? I am not going to leave my son with him if he is getting high!
We will lose the house we worked so hard for.
I don't know either my husband is really strong or he is hiding it from me still.
It is probably exactly that, which wouldn't be that shocking, except you think they would want to protect the baby. My poor innocent son, who is the one who is really going to pay for all of this. He either has a father who is an addict, or I leave take the baby and only let my husband see him for supervised visits? I am not going to leave my son with him if he is getting high!
We will lose the house we worked so hard for.
I don't know either my husband is really strong or he is hiding it from me still.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
The pattern when one is "busted" by the family/wife is to say, "I quit," then just get sneakier about it. Sooner rather than later you will know the truth. Two common recovery phrases come to mind, "Recovery looks like recovery," and, "More will be revealed. "
I'll stop preachin' now.
Your situation is so similar to my marriage that it's eerie.
I'll stop preachin' now.
Your situation is so similar to my marriage that it's eerie.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
I didn't "let" my son do anything......I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it........
I don't know about strong......I've often thought the opposite. I was too codependent to leave my husband all those years ago. He turned his life around, but sadly that is not the "norm".
I certainly don't mean to hijack your thread with my own stuff, but just wanted to give you a little background so you know I get it. I'm so sorry again. Please keep coming back.
Remember..........one day at a time.......sometimes one hour, or even one minute
I don't know about strong......I've often thought the opposite. I was too codependent to leave my husband all those years ago. He turned his life around, but sadly that is not the "norm".
I certainly don't mean to hijack your thread with my own stuff, but just wanted to give you a little background so you know I get it. I'm so sorry again. Please keep coming back.
Remember..........one day at a time.......sometimes one hour, or even one minute
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Do you really think he is only saying he wants help because he got caught?
He talks about he alcohol and said he will give me his debit and credit cards and as long as he has gas in his tank he doesn't need money.
And as far as you babysitting him, that is NOT the answer and that is NOT your job. You want and need to do that for yourself in unhealthy illogical thinking. We can’t police them clean, we can’t dole out the money like you would to an 11 year old for allowance…………..those are codependent control tactics that just don’t work and will backfire on you.
I think a month is a long way off, lots more to be revealed to you in that period of time.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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but I don't trust him on his own,
and with good reason!! but, unless you chain him to the radiator, you can't CONTROL what he does. nor should that be your JOB. you have a baby to take care of, and even if you did not, you have better things to do with your life than shadowing him everywhere trying to keep him from using.
you've never known the truly SOBER him. and sober doesn't mean "no obvious signs of usage in the past 48 hours". if he's spending 2 grand a month, that averages $500 a week or $71 a DAY. he might have times when he isn't using pot AND coke AND booze, but i'd guarantee he is one or the other all the time. but since this is all of him you've known, what seems "normal" to you is NOT.
when an addict says their quitting, that doesn't always mean they plan to CEASE and DESIST. they may mean: not on work days, or not before 11am, or only on days that end in Y.
he SAYS coke isn't a big deal and yet that NOT-BIG-DEAL was found IN his pant's pocket. people who do lines like twice a year don't carry a supply around with them. but then again, no good addict would forget about the stash in their pocket.
you are just finding out and i don't mean to burden you but it's probably worse than you can get your head around right now. and unless he takes formal immediate action to stop ALL drugs, ALL booze, complete 100% sobriety, you are in for the long haul of broken promises, lies, missing money, secret debt, and a guy who gets scarier and less recognizable as time goes on.
and it looks like Atalose and I are channeling each other again!
and with good reason!! but, unless you chain him to the radiator, you can't CONTROL what he does. nor should that be your JOB. you have a baby to take care of, and even if you did not, you have better things to do with your life than shadowing him everywhere trying to keep him from using.
you've never known the truly SOBER him. and sober doesn't mean "no obvious signs of usage in the past 48 hours". if he's spending 2 grand a month, that averages $500 a week or $71 a DAY. he might have times when he isn't using pot AND coke AND booze, but i'd guarantee he is one or the other all the time. but since this is all of him you've known, what seems "normal" to you is NOT.
when an addict says their quitting, that doesn't always mean they plan to CEASE and DESIST. they may mean: not on work days, or not before 11am, or only on days that end in Y.
he SAYS coke isn't a big deal and yet that NOT-BIG-DEAL was found IN his pant's pocket. people who do lines like twice a year don't carry a supply around with them. but then again, no good addict would forget about the stash in their pocket.
you are just finding out and i don't mean to burden you but it's probably worse than you can get your head around right now. and unless he takes formal immediate action to stop ALL drugs, ALL booze, complete 100% sobriety, you are in for the long haul of broken promises, lies, missing money, secret debt, and a guy who gets scarier and less recognizable as time goes on.
and it looks like Atalose and I are channeling each other again!
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
and a guy who gets scarier and less recognizable as time goes on.
That's a fact and one I witnessed first hand!! And nothing says it's over like a restraining order!!!!! lol
LacyEnglish.......it's all going to be in his immediate actions real actions towards recovery that don't include you having to do a dam thing and him having to do everything. And that means some kind of outside professional help. Then it's going to take time, a long time to see if he's going to stay that course or continue drinking/drugging.
That's a fact and one I witnessed first hand!! And nothing says it's over like a restraining order!!!!! lol
LacyEnglish.......it's all going to be in his immediate actions real actions towards recovery that don't include you having to do a dam thing and him having to do everything. And that means some kind of outside professional help. Then it's going to take time, a long time to see if he's going to stay that course or continue drinking/drugging.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Lacy, I am sooooo so sorry that you're going through this. I posted my story recently and it's similar enough to yours that my heart aches for you. I know a lot of what you're feeling right now and it's all absolutely horrible. I don't have any great advice as I'm still feeling my way through this too. I did go to a Naranon meeting last night, and I plan to keep going. I think it will be helpful and can't recommend it enough. Being in a room with people who really know helped. Just try to remember to take care of yourself during this madness (I'm kind of sucking at that, but I know it's important).
You have all of my empathy right now. This sucks.
You have all of my empathy right now. This sucks.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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He has said he will go to AA, get a sponser, get a counsellor, tell his dad, and maybe the rest of the family. He is really focused on the alcohol and is kinda ignoring the cocaine. I am not sure what that means. As cocaine seems like a big deal.
He must be very selfish to pull me and his son through all this without telling me anything. He just wanted to have a normal life I am sure, but...its not fair what he did. I would never have married him or had a baby with him, which is very sad because I love my baby more then anyone or anything.
How did you respond as a family member when they first told you they were seeking help? right now I am torn with being very angry at him, depressed, scared and not wanting to push him to where he will start lying to me again. I want him to be honest more then anything. Nothing kills a relationship like lying...which he has been doing to me this entire time.
He must be very selfish to pull me and his son through all this without telling me anything. He just wanted to have a normal life I am sure, but...its not fair what he did. I would never have married him or had a baby with him, which is very sad because I love my baby more then anyone or anything.
How did you respond as a family member when they first told you they were seeking help? right now I am torn with being very angry at him, depressed, scared and not wanting to push him to where he will start lying to me again. I want him to be honest more then anything. Nothing kills a relationship like lying...which he has been doing to me this entire time.
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I think you need do nothing more than watch. No asking questions every day, or checking up on him or looking around the house for evidence or going into angry rants. It's out in the open now.
Why is that?
Because it will make you crazy, and it isn't your issue. His problem, he needs to take hold of this and own it. On his own. I wouldn't assume that just because he's said this, then it must be true. Wait and watch. If he's going to lie, it isn't because of anything you do or say. That's 100% on him.
I really think you would benefit from Al Anon meetings. They are free, and they are for YOU. You can take your baby. It will help you keep your balance.
Why is that?
Because it will make you crazy, and it isn't your issue. His problem, he needs to take hold of this and own it. On his own. I wouldn't assume that just because he's said this, then it must be true. Wait and watch. If he's going to lie, it isn't because of anything you do or say. That's 100% on him.
I really think you would benefit from Al Anon meetings. They are free, and they are for YOU. You can take your baby. It will help you keep your balance.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
[I]
he SAYS coke isn't a big deal and yet that NOT-BIG-DEAL was found IN his pant's pocket. people who do lines like twice a year don't carry a supply around with them. but then again, no good addict would forget about the stash in their pocket.
he SAYS coke isn't a big deal and yet that NOT-BIG-DEAL was found IN his pant's pocket. people who do lines like twice a year don't carry a supply around with them. but then again, no good addict would forget about the stash in their pocket.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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Well, there's a term Walking the Walk versus Talking the Talk. a person can SAY they are going to do just about anything. get clean, go to meetings, climb a mountain, learn to fly. but then again parrots could be trained to "say" those things too.
Recovery LOOKS like Recovery.
Recovery is ACTION.
that might mean getting on the phone, finding a treatment center and checking oneself in. or it could mean looking online for the nearest AA and/or NA meetings and going to one TONITE. it might mean offering a new level of transparency and accountability. it might be SILENT, but it would be IN MOTION.
Recovery LOOKS like Recovery.
Recovery is ACTION.
that might mean getting on the phone, finding a treatment center and checking oneself in. or it could mean looking online for the nearest AA and/or NA meetings and going to one TONITE. it might mean offering a new level of transparency and accountability. it might be SILENT, but it would be IN MOTION.
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Location: W Washington
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my husband was a crack addict when we met. and i ended up getting addicted too. he used to carry an allen wrench IN his jacket - it's used to push/clear the pipe.
that was NOT NORMAL!!! same with having a tooter/inhaler in your pocket. as an addict myself, i still shake my head at leaving such evidence around since HIDING is in the addict handbook!!! but we all get careless. especially when we get high.
that was NOT NORMAL!!! same with having a tooter/inhaler in your pocket. as an addict myself, i still shake my head at leaving such evidence around since HIDING is in the addict handbook!!! but we all get careless. especially when we get high.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Is crack and coke the same thing? I often here the term crack cocaine. is it another strain or something?
I guess...I will wait to see action. I really hope he asks his dad to come over tonight and tells him.
I guess...I will wait to see action. I really hope he asks his dad to come over tonight and tells him.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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yes and no. crack is made from coke, so it's a boiled down derivative. but it has IMO a completely different effect. one is inhaled thru the nasal passage, one is smoked. crack is almost instantly addictive and REALLY messes with the head.
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That's what I thought of when Lacy said it was a glass tube...that or meth. I didn't know anyone who snorted regular coke with a glass tube - just a rolled up dollar bill or plastic drink straw. To me, glass means there is heat involved - whether it's smoking it or catching the smoke off tin foil.
Anvil?
Anvil?
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
That's what I thought of when Lacy said it was a glass tube...that or meth. I didn't know anyone who snorted regular coke with a glass tube - just a rolled up dollar bill or plastic drink straw. To me, glass means there is heat involved - whether it's smoking it or catching the smoke off tin foil.
Anvil?
Anvil?
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