Husband has finally admitted to using cocaine
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 10
Husband has finally admitted to using cocaine
10years ago, before we met my husband had a cocaine addiction, he went to rehab. Didn't complete the course. Returned to cannabis. I met him a few years later assumed he was cured (very naive) I later learned about the cannabis. Forward wind a few years, several times a year I'd catch him doing cocaine. He stopped for a bit then started again
Last year was a great year, I caught him early in the year but he was honest with me and felt we'd turned a corner. We travelled, got married and planned another baby.
Forward wind to this year, I found covaine residue in bathroom in Jan. Knew he'd done it but he continued to lie, said tests wrong. (I have swab tests) I stood by them, continued as we were (I'm pregnant). I've lost all trust, no intimacy. It's been awful.
Last weekend same thing happened, found residue. I lost it, packed his things and called him. He has finally admitted he's been doing it, a 'handful' of times since Xmas. He doesn't go out so its at home. He drinks excessively, 4/5 nights a week. Weekends he drinks until the cupboards are bare. Drink leads to him doing Coke. Also boredom, like on a weekend if we have no plans, he just thinks about drinking.
I'm so relieved he's finally been honest with me, ironically we've had a great week. But I know it's not going to last.
I'm still getting me head around it. Im prepared to let him go and do this alone. But I don't want to, if that makes sense. I love him dearly.
I don't know what the next step is, I'm out of my depth.
He's said he's glad I know, he needed to stop he's prepared to do anything and he no longer wants to be that person.
He seems to think he can give it all up, inc drink on his own. I beg to differ. Is rehab the only option? I've found a local support group, I just need the courage to pick up the phone. They offer support to me to which I think I need. I believe we meet with them, they can draw a plan.
I guess writing this down I do need to make that call, he can't just give it up can he? The drinking needs to stop completely doesn't it?
His brother is Coke user (not often) and the rest of his family are big drinkers so no family support and our friends are oblivious to it all.
Last year was a great year, I caught him early in the year but he was honest with me and felt we'd turned a corner. We travelled, got married and planned another baby.
Forward wind to this year, I found covaine residue in bathroom in Jan. Knew he'd done it but he continued to lie, said tests wrong. (I have swab tests) I stood by them, continued as we were (I'm pregnant). I've lost all trust, no intimacy. It's been awful.
Last weekend same thing happened, found residue. I lost it, packed his things and called him. He has finally admitted he's been doing it, a 'handful' of times since Xmas. He doesn't go out so its at home. He drinks excessively, 4/5 nights a week. Weekends he drinks until the cupboards are bare. Drink leads to him doing Coke. Also boredom, like on a weekend if we have no plans, he just thinks about drinking.
I'm so relieved he's finally been honest with me, ironically we've had a great week. But I know it's not going to last.
I'm still getting me head around it. Im prepared to let him go and do this alone. But I don't want to, if that makes sense. I love him dearly.
I don't know what the next step is, I'm out of my depth.
He's said he's glad I know, he needed to stop he's prepared to do anything and he no longer wants to be that person.
He seems to think he can give it all up, inc drink on his own. I beg to differ. Is rehab the only option? I've found a local support group, I just need the courage to pick up the phone. They offer support to me to which I think I need. I believe we meet with them, they can draw a plan.
I guess writing this down I do need to make that call, he can't just give it up can he? The drinking needs to stop completely doesn't it?
His brother is Coke user (not often) and the rest of his family are big drinkers so no family support and our friends are oblivious to it all.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,642
I think, yes make the call Sammy. Stay safe- and remember to look after you. You cannot control other people or make other people better from their addictions- they NEED to do that for themselves. As I found out - for me.
Empathy and support to you, keep posting. Addiction sucks. I am smart- some tell me very smart. It took me until I lost everything- including literally my life before I stopped. Logic does not work with addiction.
Also compassion for your partner- but he has to do the work- you cannot - that will just give opportunity to blame others if relapse occurs. And yes- support IS needed. Look after yourself- remember to eat, hydrate, talk to someone if you are stressed and get rest- called HALTS ; Hungry, Angry Lonely, Tired(or thirsty) and Sad. PJ
Empathy and support to you, keep posting. Addiction sucks. I am smart- some tell me very smart. It took me until I lost everything- including literally my life before I stopped. Logic does not work with addiction.
Also compassion for your partner- but he has to do the work- you cannot - that will just give opportunity to blame others if relapse occurs. And yes- support IS needed. Look after yourself- remember to eat, hydrate, talk to someone if you are stressed and get rest- called HALTS ; Hungry, Angry Lonely, Tired(or thirsty) and Sad. PJ
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi Sammy,
I agree - make thee call, but make sure he's on board genuinely. Phoenix is right - logic doesn't work with addiction. I know this first hand. Addiction makes people lie, cheat, steal... And you can't force recovery on someone until they're ready.
The drinking should.definitely stop as well. Someone with an addict's mind will abuse whatever substance they can find -- and it's all too common for someone to replace one drug they've kicked with alcohol because it's legal and socially acceptable. It's good that he was honest finally, but the lying should be addressed head on. That was one thing I worked constantly at in treatment.. believe it or not, a lot of people get a sort of high thinking that they're getting away with something. It's an odd warped brain thing. But he can change!! I hope he does :-)
I agree - make thee call, but make sure he's on board genuinely. Phoenix is right - logic doesn't work with addiction. I know this first hand. Addiction makes people lie, cheat, steal... And you can't force recovery on someone until they're ready.
The drinking should.definitely stop as well. Someone with an addict's mind will abuse whatever substance they can find -- and it's all too common for someone to replace one drug they've kicked with alcohol because it's legal and socially acceptable. It's good that he was honest finally, but the lying should be addressed head on. That was one thing I worked constantly at in treatment.. believe it or not, a lot of people get a sort of high thinking that they're getting away with something. It's an odd warped brain thing. But he can change!! I hope he does :-)
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