peacelovesober

I just wanted to share here some ASH for anyone out there going through it. I was married to EXAH for 9 years and 9 days. He was on the roller coaster of relapse and breif dry periods most of that time. I myself am recovering alcoholic with now more than four years of sobriety. I kept rolling over in my mind how to change this horrible dynamic that we had created. And for the life of me I could never find the courage to make a move.

I kept telling myself i am smarter than this what is wrong with me ? But one day I had my awakening. It was actually something a preacher told me and the gist is that anyone that draws you away from "God of my understanding:" is not my friend. While he was talking about relationships in general i finally gave myself a break. I had been so tied up in trying to save a marriage that was not ever going to be saved. I finally learned that I cant love someone so much that i destroy my own self because that is not love it is toxic codependency at its best. I realized that I could not drag someone kicking and screaming into doing anything they did not want to do.

As of Monday, i am now divorced. I have had a temporary order preventing him from coming to my home or job or incurring any debts or selling any property so that has helped. But after this week I feel so much peace. I was terrified for so long to make this move but this week has been like a warm summer afternoon.

I went to a meeting on Tuesday and even some of the people who barely know me said that i looked so refreshed and peaceful. That made me realize this. The longer we stay on the "ride" the sicker we get too. We are having to deal with such abnormal realities that our thinking and reactions become distorted as well.

Someone on here once asked about happy endings. And its not the one that was in my fairy tale books, but I am begging to see how this is the best happy ending i could have ever asked for. I am so happy and this is just the beginning.

It gets better I promise.

zoso77

I'm always sad when there's a divorce...probably because there's some romantic part of me that believes marriage should be forever. But life has a way of shaking us free of romantic notions. And in situations like yours, there was really no choice. So you did what you have to do, and the relief you're experiencing is a function of your freedom.

Make the best of it. And keep us posted as to how you're doing.

Sunshine1234

So refreshing to hear and that's wonderful that you have found your peace. I'm in the thick of things with my divorce and I have no doubt that things will get better. It's just the unknown of what will happen with my kids that is eating me alive. But life without all of the craziness is such a better one. All the best in your new adventure.

Maudcat

Great post, peacelovesober. Thank you. So glad you found a way forward.

Ann

I can "feel" the peace in your voice and am so glad you shared that all here. There IS a happy every after, it's just not always the one we planned, but it is always a good one nonetheless.

I wish you wonderful new beginnings and a life full of joy, wiser for the journey that brought you this far.

Hugs

Hechosedrugs

I know the feeling. Freedom!

needingabreak

It is nice to see positive outcomes although no one ever likes to have to get a divorce. You did what you had to do and I am happy for you finding that peace. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions but the ending is a good one and a healthy one for YOU. Wishing you continued blessings.

olow

Thank you for the positive share!

I am no longer saddened by divorce. My first divorce from an abuser devastated me (I was holding on in fear and misery for years) and that relationship set the stage for subsequent abusive relationships. Now I do not have a problem with exiting, paperwork or not.

We hold on to the "forever" part of it when in reality there is no forever, just change. That is how I found peace with it.

CherryVanilla

I am happy for you that you've found your peace.

Duffster

I'm in the same exact position. We have a temp relief hearing soon so I should know more about the kids/timesharing then.

peacelovesober, thank you for posting. Gives me hope that I too will soon find peace when this nightmare is over. I'm happy that you found your peace!

PhoenixJ

It is good to read stories with positive words and peace. Thanks

bronzie

Exactly! I am not married, but going thru the same thing trying to get out af a very toxic and verbally/emotionally abusive relationship. So I understand how you feel, and I'm happy you got out of that situation. Congrats on 4 years of sobriety, that's amazing!