Noonaa

First off I want to thank you for reading this and helping. My boyfriend of 8 months and before that friend of 5 years is addicted to xanax. I don't know if it is actually an addiction or not, but I'm not sure. He goes a few days (2 or 3) without it and needs to go back on it. For as long as I know him, he has always been the type to try harmful things. It started off with drinking, which he stopped for a few months now. However, the past year or two years he has been trying all types of pills from xanax to perks and sometimes he throw in some lean. Lately he stopped everything, Thank God, except xanax. He goes to school in a different state and I rarely see him, but we do talk every night. When we do he's constantly slurring his words or he'll fall asleep mid way through our conversation or even just forget everything. Im not sure what this is except he will fall asleep for days just get out of bed for class and get back to sleep. I know they make you drowsy and sleepy but for days? He promised that he stopped. But I'm not buying it. I want to help him. But he keeps lying to me. How can I get him to stop lying to me and let me in so I can be his fri ne again? I don't know how to help him..

DustyDreams

Oh honey, I feel your pain. My abf was hooked on xanax for years. And yes he could sleep for days. It would usually be only about 36 hours unless he took the whole bottle though. My abf was more obnoxious and a bigger jerk on those than anything else (when he could stay awake to be a jerk). Rather than wasting your time trying to make him tell you the truth and quit lying, do yourself a favor. Don't doubt your gut! You know he's using. You don't need him to tell you what you know. You really do have to be gentle with yourself. This is hard. Really really hard and it's REALLY important that you find support and do not focus and obsess on just him. You will make yourself sick if you don't focus on and take care of yourself. Do things for you. Please don't let his problem steal your identity and your life.
He will figure it out when he's ready. It sucks. It really does, but it doesn't have to drag you down with him.
Sending hugs. Keep posting. Others will be along to give advice that have made more progress than I, but I wish you the best!

PhoenixJ

Noona - I am not sure how you can help him. I can offer little advice except -what you FEEL you SHOULD do, what he does and what logically someone who is not personally involved would advise are likely to be different. Logic and emotion do not agree at times. Stay safe, take no risks. Make sure you look after yourself first and fore most. Addiction changes people.There are threads here to share and learn from- for family and friends of substance abusers in the newcomer's section. Just as there are support groups through N/A and A/A. You are not his mum. You also do not want to become co-dependent or enable addictive behaviour.
My empathy and support to you. PJ

atalose

Lying goes hand n hand with addiction. If anyone of us could have gotten our loved one to stop lying, allow us in and fix the addiction, none of us would be here. There would be no need for rehabs, meetings, counseling, etc.

It has to be so upsetting to you to be on the phone with someone who is incapable of even speaking to you. Maybe now is the time to instill some well needed boundaries for your mental and emotional health. I hang up when I am dealing with someone who is not able to hold a conversation with me. I refuse to engage with that or re-engage when they attempt to call me back.

Xanax is a mind eraser, especially when it's abused. Do you find that he forgets things? Forgets falling asleep? Doesn't have full control over what he says or does? Denies he's done things that clearly you know he has?

Noonaa

Thank you so much! I honestly appreciate it. Im just worried he stops and in the future goes back to it. He is young, I don't want us to be stuck.

Noonaa

atalose
Yes to all your questions! I know for a fact that he still take. But sometimes I fell like he isn't on anything. I fell like I'm going crazy or something. He makes me feel like I'm loosing my mind. I was never the one to quickly assume someone of anything. With him, the second he slurs or forgets somethings the accusations begin..

atalose

Probably because you are catching him when he’s just gotten high and before he over medicates.

Life with an active addict is crazy.

It’s pretty safe to assume when it comes to what you already know, what you witness and what you hear.

This is when you need to just disengage, hang up, turn off your phone. Get to a place in your mind where you will no longer accept unacceptable behaviors from him or anyone for that matter.

Mountainmanbob

When I was addicted to Valium and Xanax all I really wanted to do was to take a large enough amount of pills so as to sleep for a few hours. Then when awaking, I wanted more.

Made me a terrible driver, crashing many, many times.
It saddens me as I look back.

M-Bob