Detached from addict XH, think I need to do the same with brother
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Detached from addict XH, think I need to do the same with brother
I’ve detached from my STBXAH- it was clear that drugs were his priority, and always would be. Our relationship was toxic, and my life improved a thousand-fold once I let him go. I’m starting to think I need to do the same with my brother.
My brother has always loved marijuana. In high school he ran with a really rough crowd. He went to juvi for dealing.
As an adult, he went to jail for the same- as well as having several unregistered guns in his possession.
When he got out, he got into growing. This is now his “business”, and it’s his only plan for the future. He has several acres of plants and he travels state to state selling to dispensaries (illegally). My parents basically bought his pot farm for him, as he couldn’t keep up with payments and was in danger of losing it. They had been helping to fund my education (nursing), but told me afterward that they may not be able to for much longer, as they had to help buy his “property”.
This past weekend we went to Tahoe and all he talked about was his “business”. The kids and I were supposed to ride with him in his truck when I saw a huge jar full of pot in my child’s car seat. I asked him to remove it from the car and he threw a fit.
“It’s a legal amount!” He said.
I don’t know if that was true. I didn’t have a scale on me, and don’t know what the “legal amount” is, anyway. All I know is that it was a lot, and I’m in the middle of a contentious custody battle. The last thing I need is to be caught in a car full of marijuana. I finally got him to agree to remove it, but not without a lot of attitude.
The next time we had to go somewhere, the same issue came up. He wanted to bring the pot along. I said we’d ride with my parents instead. We had trouble finding parking, and my brother tried to bribe the parking lot employees with pot. This happened again when we wanted to go sledding. He tried to give an employee pot instead of cash.
He seems to think he’s above the law, and I feel he’s completely out of control. I’m angry with my parents for not standing up for me when I was just looking out for my kids’ best interest, and I’m sick and tired of his attitude. The entire trip was a power struggle with him- he’s rude, negative, and likes to pick arguments over every little thing. I don’t feel that he’s someone I want around my kids.
I think I’m done with him and need a break from my parents.
My brother has always loved marijuana. In high school he ran with a really rough crowd. He went to juvi for dealing.
As an adult, he went to jail for the same- as well as having several unregistered guns in his possession.
When he got out, he got into growing. This is now his “business”, and it’s his only plan for the future. He has several acres of plants and he travels state to state selling to dispensaries (illegally). My parents basically bought his pot farm for him, as he couldn’t keep up with payments and was in danger of losing it. They had been helping to fund my education (nursing), but told me afterward that they may not be able to for much longer, as they had to help buy his “property”.
This past weekend we went to Tahoe and all he talked about was his “business”. The kids and I were supposed to ride with him in his truck when I saw a huge jar full of pot in my child’s car seat. I asked him to remove it from the car and he threw a fit.
“It’s a legal amount!” He said.
I don’t know if that was true. I didn’t have a scale on me, and don’t know what the “legal amount” is, anyway. All I know is that it was a lot, and I’m in the middle of a contentious custody battle. The last thing I need is to be caught in a car full of marijuana. I finally got him to agree to remove it, but not without a lot of attitude.
The next time we had to go somewhere, the same issue came up. He wanted to bring the pot along. I said we’d ride with my parents instead. We had trouble finding parking, and my brother tried to bribe the parking lot employees with pot. This happened again when we wanted to go sledding. He tried to give an employee pot instead of cash.
He seems to think he’s above the law, and I feel he’s completely out of control. I’m angry with my parents for not standing up for me when I was just looking out for my kids’ best interest, and I’m sick and tired of his attitude. The entire trip was a power struggle with him- he’s rude, negative, and likes to pick arguments over every little thing. I don’t feel that he’s someone I want around my kids.
I think I’m done with him and need a break from my parents.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I think being done with him is a wise decision, before you get arrested for something he did...do you really think he'd tell the truth to save you, with that attitude he has?
I'd keep my distance, support myself and become independent from the chaos called family.
I'm sorry it has come to this, part of you must hurt deeply, but the only person you can change here is you and for the sake of your children, putting a lot of space between you and your family is probably the best thing you can do.
Hugs
I'd keep my distance, support myself and become independent from the chaos called family.
I'm sorry it has come to this, part of you must hurt deeply, but the only person you can change here is you and for the sake of your children, putting a lot of space between you and your family is probably the best thing you can do.
Hugs
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Your brother sounds like a train wreck, Hechose. Hmmmm. I have one of those, too. Doesn't help that your parents enable him.
Absolutely okay to minimize your contact with him. It will do wonders for your state of mind.
Absolutely okay to minimize your contact with him. It will do wonders for your state of mind.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Power struggles are such draining life-sucks. By all means detach.
I still struggle with the fact that my parents enable my sister, but it's getting easier to admit that there's absolutely nothing I can do.
I still struggle with the fact that my parents enable my sister, but it's getting easier to admit that there's absolutely nothing I can do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
I called an attorney who specializes in marijuana law. He told me that even though marijuana is legal in CA, I could have had my kids taken away from me. I tried to explain this to my mom and she had nothing but excuses for my brother. She then said, "I'll talk to them". Yeah, because he's so reasonable. I guess I need to prepare for more abuse from him. She kept telling me that it would be so wrong to take a break from him because he loves them so much. If he loves them, he should not be putting them in such situations.
This is also stirring up memories of when I filed for a restraining order from STBXH and my brother called him. X lied saying he'd never strangled me and my brother said he believed him that I was probably making it up. X had recorded that conversation and was going to use it against me in court. He taunted me saying that no one loved me, not even my own brother.
I am just so done.
This is also stirring up memories of when I filed for a restraining order from STBXH and my brother called him. X lied saying he'd never strangled me and my brother said he believed him that I was probably making it up. X had recorded that conversation and was going to use it against me in court. He taunted me saying that no one loved me, not even my own brother.
I am just so done.
Last edited by Hechosedrugs; 02-15-2017 at 02:37 PM. Reason: Written in rage- full of errors
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 20
Do we have the same brother? I've been through so much of the same with mine. He's the baby boy of the family and does no wrong.. .which is why he's been tangled up with drugs and the law since he was in his early teens. *eye roll*
I rented a summer house at the beach and invited him. Don't ask me why. I came out of my room to find him with a bag of pot on the dining room table while my young nieces were there (my older brother's children, not his). When I got upset, he just grabbed it and said "it isn't heroine, calm the hell down." I made him keep it outside in his car, but felt so disrespected that he'd bring it on vacation where I was staying with our neices.
Not to mention, he's best friends with my now ex. He took his part constantly and I recently heard almost the same words from my ex as you did from yours. He was angry with me and pointed out that I couldn't even get along with my own brother or (addict) parents.
Amazing, isn't it? We don't subscribe to their way of thinking, so they're entitled to disrespect us. Why would you want that stuff around your own neices and/or nephews? God, they think so differently than we do.
Haven't talked to my brother in well over 18 months. I'm sorry you're in the same position. You deserve respect.
I rented a summer house at the beach and invited him. Don't ask me why. I came out of my room to find him with a bag of pot on the dining room table while my young nieces were there (my older brother's children, not his). When I got upset, he just grabbed it and said "it isn't heroine, calm the hell down." I made him keep it outside in his car, but felt so disrespected that he'd bring it on vacation where I was staying with our neices.
Not to mention, he's best friends with my now ex. He took his part constantly and I recently heard almost the same words from my ex as you did from yours. He was angry with me and pointed out that I couldn't even get along with my own brother or (addict) parents.
Amazing, isn't it? We don't subscribe to their way of thinking, so they're entitled to disrespect us. Why would you want that stuff around your own neices and/or nephews? God, they think so differently than we do.
Haven't talked to my brother in well over 18 months. I'm sorry you're in the same position. You deserve respect.
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