Visiting children in rehab
 

Hi all! I was wondering if anyone has any advice/tips for visits. We're going to visit son in rehab, finally (he refused our visits earlier). He's been there for a month and a half now.
I'm worried about a confrontation starting there. Or requests for money. I'm trying to decide what to bring, and what to do/say to encourage him to keep going. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Hi -- call ahead and ask of the Rehab what you're allowed to bring. Some allow hard candy, unopened packs of cigarettes, AA/NA literature. You can ask about toiletries. I'm sure he packed accordingly when he entered the program, but you can bring a favorite sweatshirt or a new pr of slippers, something that will make him feel comfortable. I used to bring cards and notes (I didn't seal the envelopes). Everything will be searched. You may be able to deposit money with the counselor which will be held for your son to buy things (snacks, deodorant, whatever) from a supply room or closet. But they won't let you give him money directly, so don't worry about that. The first time we visited our son was very uncomfortable.... you're awkward, you'e probably angry/hurt, you're maybe in the dark if he's not allowing the rehab to share info with you. Just pay attention if they have a family session for the visitors prior. You can get some good info from the counselor who will be leading the group (don't be afraid to ask questions... try to make them general in nature so you're not monopolizing) and that counselor may be able to get your son to allow you "in" on some of what's going on with his treatment. You'll probably meet in one large room, with the other clients and their families, with at least a couple of counselors present and circulating, so you probably won't have a chance to get into conflict. I'm sure they'll step in quickly if that seems like it's building. You could express to the counselor beforehand that you're nervous about that and s/he will keep an eye on your family. Good luck to you!

My son has been in several different types of rehabs. None of them actually had family meetings! We did enjoy seeing him and kept the conversation positive. I know this is hard for you as I believe your son wasn't that excited about starting the program. I would keep the visit light and not probe too much with him if he doesn't want to share. Remember its a process and recovery takes time. Enjoy the ability to see your son sober and give him encouragement that he is doing the right thing.
Hugs
TT

We had to schedule an individual family meeting/session with the counselor at my daughter's rehab, but they did have family week -- which I strongly encourage every loved one attend if they have the opportunity.

I really don't have much to add to the input already given, just to say that I asked my daughter what she wanted to talk about, after I asked myself how I'd want to be treated.

I agree with all of the above. Here where I live the residents get a small weekly allowance (about $25.00) to buy coffee at meetings or cigarettes (although smoking is now banned at the rehab I am thinking of).

Laundry soap is provided and the machines are free here also. I say this because my son conned me into a roll of quarters ($10) for laundry and when I went past the laundry room on my way to a meeting room...I looked and they were free. I took my quarters back and told him I knew. I wasn't there for a confrontation so I left shortly after.

Most visits go well, I think. I hope yours does too.

Lovemyson101,

Others have already covered most of what I would have told you about rehab visits.

The somewhat local (1+ hour drive) where my daughter went had some rules which were somewhat strange -- the oddest was that there was no sugar or caffeine present on site. Therefore, no soda, "real" coffee or tea. I guess substance free is substance free although they permitted smoking in designated outdoor areas.

When we first visited her she asked for Sugar Free Jolly Ranchers. As others have said, everything and everybody was subject to search and any items brought in were inspected by staff before they were given to the patient.

This rehab had something which they called "Family Wellness Weekend" which was a three day weekend marathon of large group and family counseling and addiction education. We all learned a lot about ourselves and each other during that weekend, I have and still do describe that experience as "learning to cry with strangers". That being said, I would not miss that experience for anything.

At the end of the weekend they presented everyone with an inspirational medallion - mine has a very peaceful scene on one side which is a view of a lake or bay and the Serenity Prayer on the other - it is my "magic object" (my other word with the same meaning was "censored")t******n and has always been in my pocket since that day.

Visit your son and just accept him for where he is at the moment.

Keep coming back,

Jim