Iwishonstars777

Grrrrrr! I don't know why I still let exaf get to me. Well actually I do. He's rude, he has zero patience, inconsiderate at times, selfish, and he's just a douche...with a dash of sweetness every once in a while. And because I can't let all the resentments go. I won't openly admit that, of course. I'd like to believe I've done a good job, but there are things that are just stuck with me. Like on the movie Inside Out...a core memory (hahaha). And when I feel it, I can't just not say anything. For instance, he did am estate sale for his parents. His sister and him split the money in half but of course he took what extra he wanted. He actually had a lot of cash, he bought lunch for the girls and him. Eh, ok. So I tell him hey you got 40 minutes until we leave to spend with the kids. He rummaged through the stuff more than he spent with the kids. Yaaa, mmm, no. And his friends came over to help him move everything back inside, and this chick was following him around like a little lost puppy, being superly nice, interacting with the kids...like taking over..like ok don't go by the street (in a really nice voice) as I went out to the car to get wipes to change my daughters diaper. As she heard me tell my daughter I needed to get the wipes from the car. So I'm trying to get stuff together and this chick won't stop talking to me..buggin...I ain't your friend chick. I couldn't even get a minute of a private good bye from exaf. Usually just a hug. I also needed to remind him a few things (yayaya, his responsibilities he should take care of, but im niceish). But she was like standing there watching. He didn't offer me money. Even though he paid these people to help him. (He has kids with me, shouldnt i be near the top of the list?..am i wrong?) I drive to him, he doesn't come to the girls. Ok, eh, but it gets old. I have a 2yo and a 4 1/2yo. I have a limited schedule as I'm in school in the evenings and I can only work 3 days due to babysitter. I am thankful I have a roof over our head and supportive parents, but I feel it should be his responsibility to help (or maybe in a perfect world). And I'm sure my expectations are higher than they should be and I do tell myself not to expect anything so I'm not disappointed. But come on man. And then I think...why tf would I want anything from my kids dad? I shouldn't expect anything from someone who treats me like crap, who has no respect, who has obvious signs of using drugs in his parents house (oh yea, where he is staying right now because he was homeless), and finding a chunk of meth in the kitchen. Like wtf. I should have left when I found that. How stupid of me. All of these feelings could have been prevented if I recognized the 1st time, no I did, but let it go...disposed of the stuff, he said it was this dude that was helping him and he didn't know it was there and it's not his and I can dispose of it. I knew better...so why did I still stay? The battle of emotions and feelings towards someone you love that you know you can't be together. Well I could, but I do know that would be bad. even though it's been 5 months since we officially separated, slowly but surely I do feel myself growing. Letting go is not easy but it is getting easier with time. Here and there these instances occur that just push me. And I feel like my old self. I don't like that, and it's hard to pull yourself back out of that funk. As of right now, I don't feel there is a need to talk to him. I don't need to answer his calls like he doesn't answer mine. Eh, wbatever. Well see how long that last's though.
It's too bad he has to be the way he is.

Vent, or whatever.
Thanks anyhow
Stories, advice, encouragement, appreciated

Ann

Sweetie, this says it all. What if one of your young children had found that and put it in their mouth, as children do?

We learn as we go, when we know better, we do better.

Melody Beattie once said "There is nothing more frustrating that trying to get something from someone who has nothing to give."

This man has nothing to give except heartache for you and danger to your children (by leaving drugs around).

If he cannot contribute financially to their support and can't spend quality SAFE time with the children, and as long as he continues to use drugs, he is probably best left out of your life.

I know this hurts, you and he have a history that includes your children. But the good days are gone and the bad days are here to stay for a long time with him. Take the good memories and move on with your life, one day soon you will feel happy again, I promise.

Hugs

FeelingGreat

Hi I bet it felt good to get that off your chest. I'd feel pretty resentful too. Your XAH sounds like he stopped maturing in his teens, a common condition for addicts. I don't think you need advice, because you seem pretty together to me, and you're getting there all by yourself.

BTW is it possible that if he does come into money, say from a legacy, that you can apply for support in the form of a lump sum?

Maudcat

As Ann said, he's got nothing for you. Best to move on. Peace.

dandylion

LOL...Ann took the words that I was going to say, out of my mouth, also!!

I will just add, that the more time and space you have away from him....the better you will feel!