Lonely Wife
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 4
Lonely Wife
I sit here alone,trying to muster the mental strength to get through another day,while my husband is across town,continuing his life,seemingly ok,with another woman...I romanticize things in my head,picturing them in this wonderful, drug free relationship, loving each other,soulmates...when,in fact,I know he smokes crack & her..meth & crack..I know she leaves him for days at a time..I know their utilities have been turned off...I have seen her Facebook page where she romanticizes, as well,posting pics of them..hugging, him holding a bible..posting about God blessing her with the love of HER life..how she's up early cooking him breakfast...it still hurts,cuts deep,that he is going on like I don't exist..looks right through me..said it's my fault he's gone cause I put him out..no mention of him staying out all night,or his not paying bills or him smoking crack in our home. It's MY fault. Everyday I feel myself getting a little stronger,but nearly every night I think & I cry...I fought 25yrs for our marriage, 25yrs to just be an afterthought to him. How can he cut his family out so completely? How can he be with this woman like im dead? Sometimes I feel dead inside I just hide it well.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Renee 
I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. There really is no sense or logic when it comes to addiction. Your ex is a very sick man, and although you don't feel it at this time, your life is better without the constant chaos and drama that comes with active addiction.
In active addiction, the addict will cut out anything and anyone who interferes with their drug use or drinking...regardless of the length of time.
Please, take good care of yourself...be very gentle with yourself through this time of grieving. Perhaps block him from Facebook so that you don't have to see the fantasy that he continues to spin. Because really...do you want to be with someone who constantly abandons you to do drugs? Who blames everything on you?
You are worth so much better treatment!
I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. There really is no sense or logic when it comes to addiction. Your ex is a very sick man, and although you don't feel it at this time, your life is better without the constant chaos and drama that comes with active addiction.
In active addiction, the addict will cut out anything and anyone who interferes with their drug use or drinking...regardless of the length of time.
Please, take good care of yourself...be very gentle with yourself through this time of grieving. Perhaps block him from Facebook so that you don't have to see the fantasy that he continues to spin. Because really...do you want to be with someone who constantly abandons you to do drugs? Who blames everything on you?
You are worth so much better treatment!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,549
Everything that Seren said Renee, everything.
You are growing stronger, and their *life* is a lie.
You didn't put him out Renee, he put himself out by the way he behaved. You have given enough, now it's your turn to live. You are better without him, and deserve so much better. You will come to know this in time.
Be kind to yourself Renee, you are so worth it.
Huge hugs xxx
You are growing stronger, and their *life* is a lie.
You didn't put him out Renee, he put himself out by the way he behaved. You have given enough, now it's your turn to live. You are better without him, and deserve so much better. You will come to know this in time.
Be kind to yourself Renee, you are so worth it.
Huge hugs xxx
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
That isn't the man you married. He is gone for now. The man living with that woman is someone you would never have given the time of day to. Although it is still a loss, just imagine the downward spiral continuing, because it would have and your life would have been continuing down with it. You don't know this person, this imposter. He is a total stranger to you and someone you wouldn't have aligned yourself with EVER!
Kudos to you for having the strength to see that and having the strength to go!! You are a strong woman!! Someday you will look back on this time in wonder that you somehow got through the pain and can still walk with your head up handling what life throws at you.
WTG!!!!! Give yourself credit for what you have been through and are going through.
Kudos to you for having the strength to see that and having the strength to go!! You are a strong woman!! Someday you will look back on this time in wonder that you somehow got through the pain and can still walk with your head up handling what life throws at you.
WTG!!!!! Give yourself credit for what you have been through and are going through.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Im so sorry. How very painful.
I read something a long time ago that sometimes helps me: "Don't compare your insides to their outsides." It means that we know how lost and sad we are feeling and we look at the image others project and assume that's really their lives, and by comparison we feel even worse. Facebook is the WORST for this...stay off their pages!
They're both in a downward trajectory from which you have clawed yourself free. Try to distract yourself with more positive things and know that it will get better with time.
Sending you a hug.
I read something a long time ago that sometimes helps me: "Don't compare your insides to their outsides." It means that we know how lost and sad we are feeling and we look at the image others project and assume that's really their lives, and by comparison we feel even worse. Facebook is the WORST for this...stay off their pages!
They're both in a downward trajectory from which you have clawed yourself free. Try to distract yourself with more positive things and know that it will get better with time.
Sending you a hug.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Stop buying into his bullsh*t and stop driving past the train wreck! Just because he says something doesn’t make it true. You know the truth about why the marriage ended and that’s all that counts. Checking his/her facebook is like driving past a train wreck over and over again hoping not to see dead bodies.
It takes 2 people to fight for a marriage to work and it appears you were the only one working on it while he was working on his addiction. This other woman isn’t your enemy, she is a by-product of his addiction. He’s doing what addicts do. It’s hard to accept when a relationship is over especially when you are the one who was doing all the fighting. Have you thought about al-anon, counseling or moving on and getting a divorce.
Often when we stop sitting and thinking and take some action for our lives it empowers us and helps with the healing.
It takes 2 people to fight for a marriage to work and it appears you were the only one working on it while he was working on his addiction. This other woman isn’t your enemy, she is a by-product of his addiction. He’s doing what addicts do. It’s hard to accept when a relationship is over especially when you are the one who was doing all the fighting. Have you thought about al-anon, counseling or moving on and getting a divorce.
Often when we stop sitting and thinking and take some action for our lives it empowers us and helps with the healing.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Renee, it is VERY important that you take a hard objective view of this "marriage" you fought so hard for:
We have been married 25yrs...I was 20 when we married, he was 28. A few weeks after our wedding he was shot twice by a guy claiming he stole his dope..i brought in my 21st birthday in the hospital with him. After that he started disappearing, hiding from me..then i'd see him somewhere dirty & thin. I had our daughter alone. Soon after he was sentenced to 20yrs for armed robbery, he did 15. I was happy when he came home things were good..then it all started again until i had no choice but to put him out,he was stealing from his job,selling crack & claimed he lost both his wedding rings,he took up with this female who also smoked cracked. I couldn't understand it..he ended up back in jail..2 yrs this time. Fast forward he came home about 3 yrs ago..he begged me to give him a chance, he even cried..Now,again im sitting here alone,confused,angry,hurt,bewildered etc etc
hon, he showed you who he was and what he was really about from the START! and nothing has changed.
nothing
has
changed.
of your 25 years of being married, he did 17 years of it LOCKED UP. 68% of the time. the rest of it he was ripping and running, doing dope, stealing for dope, hooking up with other drug addicts, doing what addicts do.
what have you really LOST here? except a drug addled felon?
We have been married 25yrs...I was 20 when we married, he was 28. A few weeks after our wedding he was shot twice by a guy claiming he stole his dope..i brought in my 21st birthday in the hospital with him. After that he started disappearing, hiding from me..then i'd see him somewhere dirty & thin. I had our daughter alone. Soon after he was sentenced to 20yrs for armed robbery, he did 15. I was happy when he came home things were good..then it all started again until i had no choice but to put him out,he was stealing from his job,selling crack & claimed he lost both his wedding rings,he took up with this female who also smoked cracked. I couldn't understand it..he ended up back in jail..2 yrs this time. Fast forward he came home about 3 yrs ago..he begged me to give him a chance, he even cried..Now,again im sitting here alone,confused,angry,hurt,bewildered etc etc
hon, he showed you who he was and what he was really about from the START! and nothing has changed.
nothing
has
changed.
of your 25 years of being married, he did 17 years of it LOCKED UP. 68% of the time. the rest of it he was ripping and running, doing dope, stealing for dope, hooking up with other drug addicts, doing what addicts do.
what have you really LOST here? except a drug addled felon?
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 16
I have so much sympathy for your story and I can understand how you feel. My story is of corse slightly different - my husband became addicted to opaiaes about 2 years ago, and got better with suboxone - he never told me, I just found the sub one day and confronted him. Things got better then about one month ago he did cocaine with friends which infuriated me. We started fighting a lot again. I started finding bags of pills and cocaine. He denies using anything and makes me think it crazy. In that one month period, my husband got a lawyer and filed for divorce. I feel like I'm living outside my body. A man who said he would NEVER get divorced. I'm trying just to take care of myself and my two young children. He's barely seen them and doesn't seem too phased at the immense hurt he is causing all of us. It's such a horrible situation. I told my lawyer I will need drug tests going forward. I'm so worried about this becoming a drag out legal battle bc he will refuse the tests. Sometimes I sit here and think? Was he always this horrible? Did I marry someone I thought I knew but really I didn't know at all. I just keep telling myself he is just not the same man I married. He is someone else now. A complete stranger. Doesn't make any of it easy.
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