Why can't they just be honest?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 68
Why can't they just be honest?
HI everyone.......................Haven't posted in awhile but,
AS had moved away. Says he is starting over trying to make a new life. He got a job, an apartment (with the girl that he met while doing drugs).
OK, that's fine but what about the things back here that were not taken care of? Probation and cost and fines issues........"Mom, I am working on it".
Last conversation I had with him was to let him know the sheriff showed up at my home with warrants......he once again says, "Mom, I am taking care of it".
Found out they picked him up at the beginning of January and brought him back here to jail. He's been in since the 9th. I've had no contact and no one in our family has heard from him. His daughter has been calling him and his phone of course is off. She's too young to know where he is.......she would understand of course, but we just don't want her to know her Daddy is in prison.
Why do addicts have to pretend they have it all under control? What if there was an emergency and we needed to let him now? If I wasn't contacted by PASAVIN...we would have no idea where he is or what was going on......
AS had moved away. Says he is starting over trying to make a new life. He got a job, an apartment (with the girl that he met while doing drugs).
OK, that's fine but what about the things back here that were not taken care of? Probation and cost and fines issues........"Mom, I am working on it".
Last conversation I had with him was to let him know the sheriff showed up at my home with warrants......he once again says, "Mom, I am taking care of it".
Found out they picked him up at the beginning of January and brought him back here to jail. He's been in since the 9th. I've had no contact and no one in our family has heard from him. His daughter has been calling him and his phone of course is off. She's too young to know where he is.......she would understand of course, but we just don't want her to know her Daddy is in prison.
Why do addicts have to pretend they have it all under control? What if there was an emergency and we needed to let him now? If I wasn't contacted by PASAVIN...we would have no idea where he is or what was going on......
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
They lie to preserve their addiction, to avoid reality.
This situation stinks for you but at least you know where he is today and that he is not using. I often think that any time an addict lands in jail is another opportunity away from the drugs and a chance towards getting clean.
This situation stinks for you but at least you know where he is today and that he is not using. I often think that any time an addict lands in jail is another opportunity away from the drugs and a chance towards getting clean.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
well......part of it is good ole human nature. does anyone REALLY want their MOTHER calling and "nagging" at them about stuff? (i am not saying you WERE nagging, but what it sounds like to him). i can hear my own 33 year old daughter saying "Yes, Muthrrrrrr" in that irritated tone.
then he goes and gets popped and it's back to jail......again. what's he gonna do - send a postcard "having a great time, wish you were here!!"??? he's locked up and nothing can be done about that. and if he reveals this others, he's likely to get at least ONE "i told you so!!!".
it's called denial and avoidance.
regarding his daughter, i think it's time to start sharing truths with her, don't you think?
then he goes and gets popped and it's back to jail......again. what's he gonna do - send a postcard "having a great time, wish you were here!!"??? he's locked up and nothing can be done about that. and if he reveals this others, he's likely to get at least ONE "i told you so!!!".
it's called denial and avoidance.
regarding his daughter, i think it's time to start sharing truths with her, don't you think?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
An active addict is incapable of honesty, they can't even be honest with themselves.
He's on his journey and the worse it gets, the more likely he will be to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Jail is one place where he will likely stay clean and maybe, just maybe, think about the reality of what his life has become.
I am a mother of an addict and, for me, letting go was the only way to save my own life. I tried for years and years to save my son and found out the hard way that only he can save himself. So I say a prayer each morning and give his care to God, then live my life in Faith that God can do for him what I cannot.
I will add your son to my prayers, and you too because I know how hard it is to watch our child self-destruct.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
He's on his journey and the worse it gets, the more likely he will be to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Jail is one place where he will likely stay clean and maybe, just maybe, think about the reality of what his life has become.
I am a mother of an addict and, for me, letting go was the only way to save my own life. I tried for years and years to save my son and found out the hard way that only he can save himself. So I say a prayer each morning and give his care to God, then live my life in Faith that God can do for him what I cannot.
I will add your son to my prayers, and you too because I know how hard it is to watch our child self-destruct.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
She's too young to know where he is.......she would understand of course, but we just don't want her to know her Daddy is in prison.
This really stood out to me. How old is she? If she can understand, ie older than 8, she should know where her dad is, IMO.
Your post is about honesty. Honesty doesn't necessarily come naturally and needs to be taught. Especially through example. Little dishonesty's, denying things, sweeping them under the carpet? This teaches dishonesty. Its one of the hallmarks's of the dysfunctional family. Don't ask, don't tell, don't trust.
If you want honesty, it needs to be in all affairs. And kids need to see that.
This really stood out to me. How old is she? If she can understand, ie older than 8, she should know where her dad is, IMO.
Your post is about honesty. Honesty doesn't necessarily come naturally and needs to be taught. Especially through example. Little dishonesty's, denying things, sweeping them under the carpet? This teaches dishonesty. Its one of the hallmarks's of the dysfunctional family. Don't ask, don't tell, don't trust.
If you want honesty, it needs to be in all affairs. And kids need to see that.
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