What next?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere under the rainbow
Posts: 48
What next?
Found out AH is stealing drugs and using again. I FINALLY set a few boundaries; made him move into guest room, will no longer let him drive with me in the car, he is not to be unsupervised with grand babies, I am no longer "coddling" him and his addiction. BUT 2 of our 3 (grown, out of the house) daughters are like "daddy we love you" "daddy we are here for you" etc...(He is so good at milking sympathy!) I had to get blood test to be sure I wasn't exposed to HIV, Hep, etc because of needle use by him! AND he is mad at ME for getting my own bank account to protect my savings from him. We aren't speaking and its so awkward! He did make an appointment with a therapist to work on his "issues" but I feel it is only to get me off his back and to 'show' our daughters that he is doing something about his addiction. He did tell me in one brief convo that he will not be honest with his counsel about parts of his addiction ......I just don't know what to do now!!!!!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
tlb88...what are your limits? What are you willing to live with....or not?
have you given this some concentrated thought?
I suspect that you are right---that he is just trying to get others off his back.
A person who is ready to get into true recovery is willing to anything...anything, to help themselves.
Honestly, he sounds like he is a long way from that, right now.....
have you given this some concentrated thought?
I suspect that you are right---that he is just trying to get others off his back.
A person who is ready to get into true recovery is willing to anything...anything, to help themselves.
Honestly, he sounds like he is a long way from that, right now.....
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, tlb. Sorry for your troubled situation. I would do what I need to do to keep my sanity and protect finances. I would try to avoid getting into it with my daughters. They have their path to walk re your spouse; you have yours.
Things will evolve and you will have decisions to make. See what happens with counselling. If he isn't straightforward with the therapist, though, probably no joy there. Doesn't sound like your spouse is ready for recovery yet. Plan accordingly.
Things will evolve and you will have decisions to make. See what happens with counselling. If he isn't straightforward with the therapist, though, probably no joy there. Doesn't sound like your spouse is ready for recovery yet. Plan accordingly.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think the boundaries you’ve set are the beginning of taking control over your own life especially the separate bank account. What about other assets, home, IRA’s? things like that?
I think it comes down to you figuring out what is your deal breaker bottom line with him and his addiction? He may be living in the guest room but you still have a front row seat to all the madness that comes along with drug addiction.
He’s told you his intention of not being truthful to the therapist – then why even go? Crazy thinking of the addict and a waste of time and money just to get you off his back. Which then brings us right back to you having that front row seat and trying to make him a “normal” husband, father and grandfather.
Let his daughters be there for him, allow them to fully see his addiction. Tell them to bring their children to the home but tell them they must stay and supervise that visit when the children are present.
When one is not living in the home, they don’t have the full understanding of life on a day to day basis with an addict. Maybe suggest to your daughter to take him to their home for a week or two that maybe a change in scenery is just what he needs!! LOL and you enjoy the REST!!!!
I’m sure you have some resentment that your children are not feeling sympathy for you in having to deal first hand with this but they have sympathy for him as he does this to himself. It’s hard not to, right?
How about al-anon or nar-anon, have you thought about that for yourself. What about therapy for you?
I think it comes down to you figuring out what is your deal breaker bottom line with him and his addiction? He may be living in the guest room but you still have a front row seat to all the madness that comes along with drug addiction.
He’s told you his intention of not being truthful to the therapist – then why even go? Crazy thinking of the addict and a waste of time and money just to get you off his back. Which then brings us right back to you having that front row seat and trying to make him a “normal” husband, father and grandfather.
Let his daughters be there for him, allow them to fully see his addiction. Tell them to bring their children to the home but tell them they must stay and supervise that visit when the children are present.
When one is not living in the home, they don’t have the full understanding of life on a day to day basis with an addict. Maybe suggest to your daughter to take him to their home for a week or two that maybe a change in scenery is just what he needs!! LOL and you enjoy the REST!!!!
I’m sure you have some resentment that your children are not feeling sympathy for you in having to deal first hand with this but they have sympathy for him as he does this to himself. It’s hard not to, right?
How about al-anon or nar-anon, have you thought about that for yourself. What about therapy for you?
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by atalose 
I think the boundaries you’ve set are the beginning of taking control over your own life especially the separate bank account. What about other assets, home, IRA’s? things like that?
I think it comes down to you figuring out what is your deal breaker bottom line with him and his addiction? He may be living in the guest room but you still have a front row seat to all the madness that comes along with drug addiction.
He’s told you his intention of not being truthful to the therapist – then why even go? Crazy thinking of the addict and a waste of time and money just to get you off his back. Which then brings us right back to you having that front row seat and trying to make him a “normal” husband, father and grandfather.
Let his daughters be there for him, allow them to fully see his addiction. Tell them to bring their children to the home but tell them they must stay and supervise that visit when the children are present.
When one is not living in the home, they don’t have the full understanding of life on a day to day basis with an addict. Maybe suggest to your daughter to take him to their home for a week or two that maybe a change in scenery is just what he needs!! LOL and you enjoy the REST!!!!
I’m sure you have some resentment that your children are not feeling sympathy for you in having to deal first hand with this but they have sympathy for him as he does this to himself. It’s hard not to, right?
How about al-anon or nar-anon, have you thought about that for yourself. What about therapy for you?
I think it comes down to you figuring out what is your deal breaker bottom line with him and his addiction? He may be living in the guest room but you still have a front row seat to all the madness that comes along with drug addiction.
He’s told you his intention of not being truthful to the therapist – then why even go? Crazy thinking of the addict and a waste of time and money just to get you off his back. Which then brings us right back to you having that front row seat and trying to make him a “normal” husband, father and grandfather.
Let his daughters be there for him, allow them to fully see his addiction. Tell them to bring their children to the home but tell them they must stay and supervise that visit when the children are present.
When one is not living in the home, they don’t have the full understanding of life on a day to day basis with an addict. Maybe suggest to your daughter to take him to their home for a week or two that maybe a change in scenery is just what he needs!! LOL and you enjoy the REST!!!!
I’m sure you have some resentment that your children are not feeling sympathy for you in having to deal first hand with this but they have sympathy for him as he does this to himself. It’s hard not to, right?
How about al-anon or nar-anon, have you thought about that for yourself. What about therapy for you?
I got so much flack from STBXAH's family when I left him. But, oh, man- if they could have only dealt with him for a while!
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Originally Posted by tlb88
. He did tell me in one brief convo that he will not be honest with his counsel about parts of his addiction ......I just don't know what to do now!!!!!!!
Take care of yourself. This is not who you married. Drugs change their brains and while it sounds like he may be making half assed attempts to quiet the family, believe me....things only get worse. Sounds like you are taking steps to protect yourself and believe me you will be glad you did. I was addicted to the series breaking bad because it showcased the downward spiral of an addicts life, and how each step lead to the next.
My daughter was injecting oxycontin but felt "at least it's not heroin". She ended up working the streets, stealing...the list goes on and on. They are soooo sick in their addiction that that's all they see
TAKE CARE OF YOU!!
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