DustyDreams

For those who have been to counseling, how did you find a counselor? Did it take several tries to find the right one? I had a long list of providers to choose from, but I couldn't find one I clicked with. I have pretty much given up on it, but at times I have been wondering if it's worth pursuing further.

hope778

I reached out to my church. They connected me with someone on staff who has much experience with alcoholism in their family (previous husband, children, etc.). I met with this lady, and she unexpectedly took me to my first Alanon meeting. That is when it all started to change for me. I then reached back out to the church for counseling specifically. Mind you, I was broke after paying bills and necessities (no help from husband at the time...) so I was looking for free options. I get set up with a couple through our church and they did counseling sessions with me. That is when it all really started to come out, and with their backing support, I made some very tough but necessary decisions that I would not have made on my own accord. They gave me strength and accountability with sticking to boundaries while also caring for myself. I then joined a small group at my church, and opened up to them about what I was going through. The healing only continued....

Keep in mind, I am introverted. Very much so. So, taking all of those step terrified me. Each step was absolutely worth pursuing. I am changed. I am still changing! But I would have remained the same had I not reached out. You learn how much others care and how much help you need. You become a stronger more confident version of yourself despite your current life circumstances.

Hechosedrugs

I was sitting around town and had 2 hours to kill before my next class. I'd been fighting getting a counselor, as it hadn't worked for me in the past. But I suddenly realized I could not do this alone. I called several counselors in the area and asked if any of them would be able to fit me in in the next half hour. Many balked and were extremely rude. Then one said, "Yes". And she's been absolutely great! She has a son who is an addict, so she completely understands. I'm so glad I didn't end up with any of those other counselors. I realize I was asking for a lot, but the way they treated me, I think, shows that they wouldn't have been so great.

Best of luck to you

Maudcat

I have not had much luck with therapists. My most recent experience was right after I stopped drinking, a little more than 3 years ago. I wanted help to stay sober, and to try to get to the reasons why I drank. I was going to AA, but it wasn't resonating. My therapist was a true blue 12 step guy, and he couldn't seem to understand why I didn't think AA was helpful. We eventually parted ways.
I know people who have awesome therapists who have really helped them conquer the issues holding them back. I have not found that experience, and I stopped looking.
I am doing well in sobriety. Hope you find what you seek.

ardy

we have gone to several .. sometimes Ed by himself and other times I am a long... have never found someone that did not make him angry or have me wanting to punch them so hard so the brain went into gear.. I do have a chaplain at a hospital I trust when Ed is in for the long haul..

JimC60

DustyDreams,

Please accept this little story at face value and draw your own conclusions.

There is a couple in my Nar-Anon home group. Late 40's or early 50's. They have two sons, both are recovering heroin addicts. For a few years they had both sons AND a girlfriend living in their home - all three were in active addiction! Chaos was the norm.

They decided they need help dealing with all of the mayhem and found a Drug & Alcohol counselor who they really liked. They saw this woman, weekly for about a year. Very early on in their relationship, the counselor told them that they needed to find a Nar-Anon group.

They ignored her advice for a long time -- after all what could or would a bunch of amateurs provide that the professional would not?? She kept gently repeating her advice until they finally gave in and found a Nar-Anon group -- the chaos was just getting worse all of the time - they had nothing to lose.

What they found was a room full of people that were kindred souls; people that truly understood what they were experiencing; people that would cry with them and then offer their experience, strength and hope. Through them and in those rooms, they found their recoveries before their sons found theirs.

Nar-Anon Family Groups and click on "Find a Meeting" - it is worth a try and cannot hurt.

Keep coming back,

Jim

gregknight

My first one, I have only been seeing for about a month and a half. It was just luck of the draw, as the VA found him. I'm still sceptical but he has helped, if for no other reason than I have someone I can talk to about what's going on in my head. He's a cognitive therapist, so I'm hoping I can learn some skills for a more healthy mental attitude.

PhoenixJ

For me it is not so much 'the right one for me'. It is not like shopping for a house. I needed counselling and I went to one. I keep my focus on me- not their personality or appearance or their approach. I am there to learn about myself and grow from it.

hopeful4

It may take a few times to find the right one. As around for sure! If you have a local Celebrate Recovery, ask people there. Ask at church, ask friends. You will be surprised how many people you know are in counseling, and in my opinion, that's a good way to find one.

Good luck!

Optimist4ever57

I went through about 4 or 5 before I found a great one. The only problem was she was an hour away from my home.

When I started searching closer, I decided to call a center that specializes in counseling. I had a few bad counselors there but I was desperate. I took an appointment with the only available person that day. She's amazing! I explained what type of person I preferred: in your face, give it to me straight, don't worry about hurting my feelings and she absolutely fits the bill.

Don't give up. If you're not uncomfortable, ask around. Good luck.

hope778

Hopeful4 is right - I was surprised how many people were going through something very similar. It makes you feel not so alone when you meet people face to face who "get" it.

ardy

kids and beans have to do this as you are all out in so many different places.. heads up eyes open and ears on.. keep attached to your HMO or State agency that is helping with costs and services .. for I sit in an area that the sounds of change are going to come and for the better.. for a lot of reasons.. prayers and hopes for a better tomorrow..

heartcore

I've had a number of therapists/counselors in my lifetime, & never clicked with any of them (though I really wanted a relationship like that in my life).
I did what work & growing I could with each of them, then drifted away.
Last year I moved to a new city, & recognized that I was struggling with a number of issues & tried again. My search was a random internet search, & I picked someone simply because her office was in my neighborhood & she had been in practice for many years. I cannot tell you how "just right" she turned out to be. I feel so safe with her, & I keep "coming to understandings" about myself in the most gentle & pervasive way!

So, I would say, stick with the search, because it can be magic (just like dating a zillion sketch folks to find your true love!). Preservere. You only need to find one who is right for you for it to be important.

Also, the first appointment she didn't blow my mind, but I gave it time, & it emerged. So - random luck, patience, & maintaining the hope that the right person for that particular role in your life is out there...