No justice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
No justice
A police officer knocked on my door this morning. For most people, this would be an unsettling experience, but I got my hopes up.
"He's been caught!" I thought. I hoped that I would finally have some evidence of ex's drug use/instability/ terrible parenting that I could use to gain full custody.
No such luck. I'm being sued by Discover Bank, one of the many credit cards ex got in my name without my knowledge.
Ex is batsh*t insane, and the stories the kids tell me when they come home from visits are always disturbing. I'm so confused, as my counselor (who is also a social worker) seems convinced that I need to act now and take him back to court to full custody, while my lawyer, and the main lawyer whose law firm she represents, say that without proof I'll only be wasting my time. They say the standards of neglect are so low that ex could keep them in a room by themselves all day with a bowl of rice and bottle of water and they still would hesitate to reduce parenting time.
Then there's my parents telling me that I should come live with them 4 hours away. I've told them several times that's not even possible, as the divorce decree states that neither parent can leave the county. They get huffy and say they can't help support me anymore. Well, f#ck. I could have had a job right now, but they convinced me to finish school, saying they would help me to do so. Now I have no safety net because I trusted that they'd keep their word.
What in the ever-loving f#ck do I do now? Who's right, the social worker or the lawyers? Who really knows? Ex tried to play the 'parental alienation' card on me so hard before, and I know he'll do it again and make it seem like I'm doing this all out of spite. I really don't think I can go through this again without hard core proof to back me up. He's just too convincing.
I hate what I'm facing. I hate that I might be losing everything. I especially hate the idea of moving back home.
I'm sorry my posts are always so erratic. I just don't have the energy to proofread.
Anyway, someone say the magic words to make this all better. Pretty please?
"He's been caught!" I thought. I hoped that I would finally have some evidence of ex's drug use/instability/ terrible parenting that I could use to gain full custody.
No such luck. I'm being sued by Discover Bank, one of the many credit cards ex got in my name without my knowledge.
Ex is batsh*t insane, and the stories the kids tell me when they come home from visits are always disturbing. I'm so confused, as my counselor (who is also a social worker) seems convinced that I need to act now and take him back to court to full custody, while my lawyer, and the main lawyer whose law firm she represents, say that without proof I'll only be wasting my time. They say the standards of neglect are so low that ex could keep them in a room by themselves all day with a bowl of rice and bottle of water and they still would hesitate to reduce parenting time.
Then there's my parents telling me that I should come live with them 4 hours away. I've told them several times that's not even possible, as the divorce decree states that neither parent can leave the county. They get huffy and say they can't help support me anymore. Well, f#ck. I could have had a job right now, but they convinced me to finish school, saying they would help me to do so. Now I have no safety net because I trusted that they'd keep their word.
What in the ever-loving f#ck do I do now? Who's right, the social worker or the lawyers? Who really knows? Ex tried to play the 'parental alienation' card on me so hard before, and I know he'll do it again and make it seem like I'm doing this all out of spite. I really don't think I can go through this again without hard core proof to back me up. He's just too convincing.
I hate what I'm facing. I hate that I might be losing everything. I especially hate the idea of moving back home.
I'm sorry my posts are always so erratic. I just don't have the energy to proofread.
Anyway, someone say the magic words to make this all better. Pretty please?
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
I wish there were magic words. Life provides all kind of unwanted insanity and chaos. You're entitled to feel overwhelmed and angry, frustrated, anxious, all of those things. It's ok. And you know what else? You'll be ok. You will. I know it sounds a bit obnoxious but it's the truth. You're alive, you're breathing and you're searching. The way forward will present itself, probably not as quickly as you'd like and only a little bit at a time, but it will happen. For now, just try to breathe and remind yourself that none of this stuff has to be resolved this very moment. Give yourself permission to do it at your own pace and when you have the energy. Everything is going to be ok.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
well, UGH! try to take a deep breath.....or two. yes this is all very troubling and unsettling, but you are a survivor and will find yourself on the other side, if you tackle it all in manageable bits.
do the children have their own counselor? do they regularly see the school counselor? if YOUR counselor expresses concern, i believe the children's counselor would as well? having a professional involved removes the "he said, she said" from it all, and it is therefore once removed from any inference that you are just doing this all out of spite.
i suspect your folks really only wish to have you and the kids back SAFELY with them. and their bluster is hopefully just that....bluster. however, if it appears they may pull funding, then you'd need to roll out plan B - put school on hold and get a job. while that kinda sux, it isn't the end of the world. many people have to put off schooling at various times for various reasons. and most schools would allow for a temporary suspension of studies due to hardship.
you don't have to have this all figured out by dinner time. in fact, you couldn't.....i know it's scary when there are so many unknowns. and i truly wish i HAD some magic words.
do the children have their own counselor? do they regularly see the school counselor? if YOUR counselor expresses concern, i believe the children's counselor would as well? having a professional involved removes the "he said, she said" from it all, and it is therefore once removed from any inference that you are just doing this all out of spite.
i suspect your folks really only wish to have you and the kids back SAFELY with them. and their bluster is hopefully just that....bluster. however, if it appears they may pull funding, then you'd need to roll out plan B - put school on hold and get a job. while that kinda sux, it isn't the end of the world. many people have to put off schooling at various times for various reasons. and most schools would allow for a temporary suspension of studies due to hardship.
you don't have to have this all figured out by dinner time. in fact, you couldn't.....i know it's scary when there are so many unknowns. and i truly wish i HAD some magic words.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
HCD,
Sorry to hear that the saga continues, all I can say is hang in there and feel free to vent at will with your SR family.
It has been a long time since I applied for a credit card but, as I recall there were definitely forms and agreements which had to be signed by the applicant.
"I'm being sued by Discover Bank, one of the many credit cards ex got in my name without my knowledge. "
I think Discover is fishing for a deep, or at least deeper pocket, since this account was opened without your knowledge - you never signed anything! Therefore, Discover will be unable to produce any documentation that the card and debt is actually yours unless ,of course, your ex forged your signature.
I am not a lawyer but, this sounds like identity theft to me. Perhaps you should file charges against ex for identity theft and / or forgery. I would seek legal counsel immediately.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Sorry to hear that the saga continues, all I can say is hang in there and feel free to vent at will with your SR family.
It has been a long time since I applied for a credit card but, as I recall there were definitely forms and agreements which had to be signed by the applicant.
"I'm being sued by Discover Bank, one of the many credit cards ex got in my name without my knowledge. "
I think Discover is fishing for a deep, or at least deeper pocket, since this account was opened without your knowledge - you never signed anything! Therefore, Discover will be unable to produce any documentation that the card and debt is actually yours unless ,of course, your ex forged your signature.
I am not a lawyer but, this sounds like identity theft to me. Perhaps you should file charges against ex for identity theft and / or forgery. I would seek legal counsel immediately.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Yep. Identity theft. I was a victim of that. It's not fun.
If you haven't done so already, contact all three credit agencies and alert them that your ex has been issuing cards without your permission.
Since Discover is banging at your door, find out what you need to do to get this charge stopped. In some cases, you'll have to file a police report to get your credit cleared. (This wasn't easy to do when my identity was stolen - it didn't help that I lived in NYC and this happened right after 9/11). Yes, I would talk to your lawyers and let them know what's going on.
I had the occasional debt collection agency try to shake me down for money. Since my credit history was otherwise stellar, I could very easily get holier than thou with them. I asked them for documentation. I asked them for their address so I could send a certified letter recapping our conversation. When it became clear that I was going to hassle THEM to resolve the identity theft they left me alone.
If you haven't done so already, contact all three credit agencies and alert them that your ex has been issuing cards without your permission.
Since Discover is banging at your door, find out what you need to do to get this charge stopped. In some cases, you'll have to file a police report to get your credit cleared. (This wasn't easy to do when my identity was stolen - it didn't help that I lived in NYC and this happened right after 9/11). Yes, I would talk to your lawyers and let them know what's going on.
I had the occasional debt collection agency try to shake me down for money. Since my credit history was otherwise stellar, I could very easily get holier than thou with them. I asked them for documentation. I asked them for their address so I could send a certified letter recapping our conversation. When it became clear that I was going to hassle THEM to resolve the identity theft they left me alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Puzzledheart,
That's amazing! I filed a police report once for ex's identity theft and it went nowhere. This was when I had ample evidence. I have no evidence for this. I have decided to file a police report for the life insurance policy ex got in my name, forged my signature and named himself beneficiary. I've been told by my cop friend that that will also go nowhere, but I'll try.
Anvilhead,
I home school the boys. I have been wanting to get them in to see a counselor, but since we have joint custody I'll have to get ex's consent. That could be tricky, as he'll know what I'm up to, but I'll try. I've asked the people who run the daycare at church if my kids have ever said anything that concerns them, but they haven't. I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to ask them to gently ask a few questions. I know their testimony would be valuable.
Thank you all for your support.
Love to you all.
That's amazing! I filed a police report once for ex's identity theft and it went nowhere. This was when I had ample evidence. I have no evidence for this. I have decided to file a police report for the life insurance policy ex got in my name, forged my signature and named himself beneficiary. I've been told by my cop friend that that will also go nowhere, but I'll try.
Anvilhead,
I home school the boys. I have been wanting to get them in to see a counselor, but since we have joint custody I'll have to get ex's consent. That could be tricky, as he'll know what I'm up to, but I'll try. I've asked the people who run the daycare at church if my kids have ever said anything that concerns them, but they haven't. I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to ask them to gently ask a few questions. I know their testimony would be valuable.
Thank you all for your support.
Love to you all.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Anyway, someone say the magic words to make this all better. Pretty please?
But when you say there's "no justice", don't be so sure about that. In my experience, our current circumstances in life are the aggregate sum of our decisions. If people continue to make decisions that have a deleterious effect on themselves and others, what goes around will come around on its own schedule. It may not be the schedule that you prefer, but as they say, it is what it is. In the meantime, focus on the things you can control.
Happy New Year, and take care.
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