Nelly1

I posted about three weeks ago about how my (ex) yes... now ex fiancé relapsed and cheated with a chick he met in rehab. I thought it couldn't get worse but much to my surprise (not really) it has. Last Saturday he came over to talk, he's been homeless, couch hopping And naturally the me that's in love with him invited him over for a pizza because he "hadn't eaten in days". It went okay, we cried, we laughed, and he left. The very next day he tried to break into his great aunts house to rob all of her jewerly..... he had his new new girlfriend (no not the one from rehab, there's a new winner) as his getaway driver...and then much later that night he got arrested for causing a scene in a local gas station.... he got caught with one bag of heroin, spent the night in the prison my father works in as a Sargent c.o., and he spent the next week getting totally high as a kite until his courtdate that was today. Throughout the weeks he's been in contact with his mom and I.... mostly trying to repent but admitting he just wasn't ready to quit and he's "so upset about the arrest that he can't stop doing dope" ....... he called on Christmas begging To stop by, I declined and he said that's why he spent the rest of the afternoon using and wanted to kill him self. Merry Christmas to me! What a nightmare ..... lastnight he begged me to attend his court this morning. After speaking To the arresting officer who his mom and I both know, and being encouraged by her to go to show him he has something to live for, we decided to go and surprise him with support......his sister came with us as well! Well wouldn't you kno he showed up 20 minutes late for court, with his new doper girlfriend arm in arm, both of them looking like ... well exactly what they are; homeless heroin addicts. I couldn't take it, i walked out, and waited in the car! I was so sick to my stomach I literally sat in the car crying in disbelief that this is his life. He got sentenced to the color system until the real trial, so now every time they call his color he has to show up and give a urine sample..... none of us said a word to him, his mom and I left literally shaking..his dad called him after and he was high as a kite basically saying he knows his color won't get called for a while! Will I ever learn? He texted me after saying he's sorry I had to see that blah blah blah he's getting better and he's sorry it's not with me! ....... I'm literally just so done

Hechosedrugs

He's using because he's depressed about court, he's using because you wouldn't let him stop by...

Wow, he is so not anywhere near recovery!

Hard to believe things could get worse, but guess what? They can!

Please protect yourself.

Mountainmanbob

Truly, best to block this one's phone number.
Nothing you have shared adds up to someone to be involved with.
Save yourself while you still can.
The right man is waiting somewhere for you.
But, not to be found if you are not (totally available).
Might take time but, it's worth the wait.
M-Bob

PhoenixJ

Prayers to you.

Ariesagain

As we say around here, that boy just ain't right. I'm so sorry for your hurt.

Sending you a hug.

AnvilheadII

crying in disbelief that this is his life

he is experiencing the culmination of his choices......so far. he wasn't forced into this at gun point.

are you ready to be DONE done now? cut off all communication, and yes that goes for his mom too. shun it all. refuse to let one more moment of the insanity have any room in your life. there is NOTHING there for you.

Maudcat

Walk away.

atalose

I say this in the kindest way……..you are not his savior and him getting clean is not an indication for his love to you. You don’t hold the power for his recovery. And you don’t hold the power if he continues to use. His recovery isn’t dependent on you providing him pizza and small talk or showing up to court to be humiliated by him and his new GF.

Only you can determine how much more hurt “your love” for him is going to cause you.

Go no contact, stop this bleeding of hurt, this you do have control over.

tomsteve

there was a great way people stopped hearing "im sorry for my actions" from me.
they stopped being around me. that way my sick actions didn't effect them.

that's the polite way of sayin they tossed me out of their lives.

teatreeoil007

Nelly-Sorry for your heartache.

The most recent developments are both good and bad. Bad because it hurts.

Maybe try and look at it this way:His behavior is a strong MESSAGE to you that you really need to get: You cannot be around him, be with him, be in any kind of contact with him. Those are actually loving signals the Higher Power wants to relay to you before it's too late.

He is once again (and how) showing you who he really and truly is. Do not go by what he says; it is simply unreliable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he "wishes it was with you"...pretty words, hon. Pretty words. He can "wish" that all he wants. If wishes were horses we'd ride, ride, ride.

What is it YOU would wish for? Realistically, I mean. What do YOU need? What do YOU want? I know this is hard because you love him and in his own way he loves you. But the addiction is ruling his life right now and may continue to rule for a very long time.

I'll repeat what I've heard before: "Let go before you are dragged." Save yourself. You can do this and end up being the happiest version of yourself than you could ever imagine. We're here for ya girl!!

hope778

I am so sorry, Nelly. The pain is awful. I am so sorry. He is using because he is not ready to stop, plain and simple. You know it has nothing to do with you. Which is a relief and also a painful thought, I know. All he has right now are temporary highs - the drugs, girlfriend, etc.

You must focus on you now. Continue to walk in YOUR truth and YOUR chosen direction. Do not entertain thoughts of how your decisions will affect him. I'm sorry, but this is what you have to do. Allow life to take its course. So, so very hard at times. Trust me, I know. AH's DOC is heroin also, and it has been a traumatizing experience for me as well.

Be strong.